sexual abuse stuff - may trigger

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nats

Posted: March 4, 2010 - 2:26 am

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Total Posts: 14
Joined: 11-23-2009

sexual abuse stuff - may trigger

Hi there everyone,

I don't usually bother posting things but I'm having a bit of a tough time at the moment with depression and PTSD - more specifically - the PTSD flares up and I start remembering instances of sexual abuse - then the depression feeds off that fuel which leads to more bad dreams and ugh!!!

Taking a reduced dose of fluoxitine at the moment. My husband and I want to start a family soon - I'm not gonna let this thing beat me into upping the dose - I want a happy family with hubby more than anything.

To combat the negative stuff I am trying to eat healthily (although my halo sometimes slips on this one), and I'm being more active. I'm thinking about going to church later as it always makes me feel better. I went to see my therapist and she said I'm doing brilliantly. I can kind of see her point but don't entirely feel like I'm on top of things right now.

I feel extreme anger right now for my past and a strong desire to confront the abuser. Part of me is obsessing about it but I can't turn my brain off. I also feel the urge to report it, although I'm aware that the repercusions of doing this will be immense. I may well be disowned by my whole family - left to feel isolated, possibly more depression? I think it's because I'm giving serious thought to starting a family of my own that I want to make the world just a bit safer - sure it's only one nonce I could get off the street but it would be a start. I feel incredibly guilty about not coming forward. I know he's still alive and could still be a threat to children. The last time I saw the guy he was in a pub I used to work in (bastard!) which has a play barn attached to it.(double bastard!) If you were rehabilitated surely you'd want to avoid 'temptation' and go to the pub on the opposite side of the road - the one without a playbarn instead?

I really wanna hack his dick off, then his hands, then his tongue so he is silenced as I was. I never use the word hate, such a strong word but no word seems strong enough for how I feel about this man.

Dunno what I want from this post really - perhaps just to rant is good. If there are others out there with PTSD it would be good to hear from you. Failing that, just hold me in your prayers, thoughts, meditations.

Medications for March 2010

02-23-2010 - Present:

fluoxitine - REDUCED DOSE, 5ml. daily

szany	Posted: March 8, 2010 - 7:29 am Spam? Offensive?
Total Posts: 42 Joined: 02-02-2010	I can relate to the anger u feel towards this person, A good friend of mine was abused by a family member for yrs, she told me one day in my last yr of school. I told her she had 2 choices to take, and they were to tell ppl that matter and get him dealt with or suffer as a result of his sick behaviour. She did report him (her own father) yes she was disowned by her family for a while but she said she also felt a huge weight lift when he was found guilty. She has since married and had a daughter of her own. I say look after #1 (you) do whats best for u. You have suffered enough worrying about others.

szany

Posted: March 8, 2010 - 7:29 am

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Total Posts: 42
Joined: 02-02-2010

I can relate to the anger u feel towards this person,

A good friend of mine was abused by a family member for yrs, she told me one day in my last yr of school. I told her she had 2 choices to take, and they were to tell ppl that matter and get him dealt with or suffer as a result of his sick behaviour.
She did report him (her own father) yes she was disowned by her family for a while but she said she also felt a huge weight lift when he was found guilty.
She has since married and had a daughter of her own.
I say look after #1 (you) do whats best for u. You have suffered enough worrying about others.

nats

Posted: March 8, 2010 - 2:03 pm

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Total Posts: 14
Joined: 11-23-2009

Thanks for getting in touch.

My therapist asked me - what do you hope to achieve by contacting the police?
I answered honestly - I feel like I should do what I can to protect others. I'm also hoping it will help in the healing process. Neither of these outcomes is guaranteed - the isolation from my family most definetly would be. Bearing that in mind, I thought of the impact being disowned would have on my mental health. At first I thought "sod 'em" or words to that effect "what have they ever done for me?" - a few hours later I considered what it would be like to not see my sister get married or to say goodbye to my own parents.

For now, I have decided that I probably have suffered enough worrying about others - the guy has already been reported once and nothing happened and surely the police have a duty to protect the public moreso than myself. I'm currently battling against the mental illness stuff, trying to just ignore the destructive thoughts and feelings and opting to take part in activities that will give me pleasure. My husband and I would love to start a family soon and I think the best I can do is raise a happy and healthy family like your friend did.

Despite some obsessing about various paedophile cases in the news this week, for now the anger has subsided and working on stabilising my mood.

Thanks so much for your post. Sometimes we need to hear that there are other caring people out there and not everybody is evil xx

Medications for March 2010

02-23-2010 - Present:

fluoxitine - REDUCED DOSE, 5ml. daily