Many do not understand or better put recognize the swings until after thus the aftermath. I know for myself I have mood charted for years (maybe 5). I am cognitively able to see my moods in my charting and journals. Another way to view it is I am my own caretaker when reveiwing my charts and journal. When i recognize the mood swing direction I can then implement some CBT (cognitive behaviior therapy) to give a better balance.
This balance is not the mood disappating, more so it is the mood being held in check. An anaology is chess where the queen cannot move any longer all over the board, since she is stuck making one move at a time, This is because the med(s), which is a rook and a bishop and maybe a pawn prevent the queen from moving about in leaps and bounds.
I know i just got off on a tangent, however it is theraputic for me . I describe my mainc mood with another anology. NHRA drag racing and driving a 'funny car.' The car accelerates to 250mph or more then has a mechanical failure like the blower popping and you are stuck there for any length of time trying to recover, which for me can be many months when not medicated. The meds allow me to implement CBT. It is an ongoing and tireseome sturggle sometimes, but faith prevails over that.
Well, I am in a downward cycle today and this is my first day here, so forgive me if I don't make any sense. As far as the purchasing stuff, well, last year I was not med compliant, I was manic, and I spent approximately $20,000 on adult sites, ebay, and amazon. Ebay, I believe, was what ever degree of OCD I have exasperated by the mania. Metaphorically it was one demon dancing with another to the beat of destructioin. It was like my existence was not real unless that package arrived. It definelty was anxiety fueling the action to relieve anxiety and really not working at all. So a very unhealthy circle of events took place in the quest of self medicating. Lesson learned is "take my prescribed meds" no matter what and be honest with my tdoc and pdoc- period!!!!
Mitch
Joined: 12-29-2008