who am I
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January 30, 2014 - 12:18 pm
Hi, I have Bipolar II and have been taking medication on and off for about 10 years. I am soon to be 39.
I am having real trouble with my memory, annoyingly so that I can't remember how to get to the doctors even though I have been going there for nearly 3 years. I get confused of the day/date even year sometimes. Of who is dead and who isn't. I just get so muddled like an old lady. I can't remember who I was pre diagnosis, pre medication, if I am me or just a different person now. I feel sad that I am so lost at the moment, so foggy, just so bloody lost.
I have family with me but I feel so alone sometimes. My husband doesn't understand how this all affects my life. I so just want to be me.
I am having real trouble with my memory, annoyingly so that I can't remember how to get to the doctors even though I have been going there for nearly 3 years. I get confused of the day/date even year sometimes. Of who is dead and who isn't. I just get so muddled like an old lady. I can't remember who I was pre diagnosis, pre medication, if I am me or just a different person now. I feel sad that I am so lost at the moment, so foggy, just so bloody lost.
I have family with me but I feel so alone sometimes. My husband doesn't understand how this all affects my life. I so just want to be me.
Hi, I have Bipolar II and have been taking medication on and off for about 10 years. I am soon to be 39.
I am having real trouble with my memory, annoyingly so that I can't remember how to get to the doctors even though I have been going there for nearly 3 years. I get confused of the day/date even year sometimes. Of who is dead and who isn't. I just get so muddled like an old lady. I can't remember who I was pre diagnosis, pre medication, if I am me or just a different person now. I feel sad that I am so lost at the moment, so foggy, just so bloody lost.
I have family with me but I feel so alone sometimes. My husband doesn't understand how this all affects my life. I so just want to be me.
I am having real trouble with my memory, annoyingly so that I can't remember how to get to the doctors even though I have been going there for nearly 3 years. I get confused of the day/date even year sometimes. Of who is dead and who isn't. I just get so muddled like an old lady. I can't remember who I was pre diagnosis, pre medication, if I am me or just a different person now. I feel sad that I am so lost at the moment, so foggy, just so bloody lost.
I have family with me but I feel so alone sometimes. My husband doesn't understand how this all affects my life. I so just want to be me.
February 2, 2014 - 1:00 pm
Total Posts: 377
Joined: 03-07-2013
Joined: 03-07-2013
Spanner,
You are not alone lots of us on this forum know about how you feel because we feel it too. Maybe if you could get to some helpful medical help. I am not sure of your doctor care, but that can be helpful. Get yourself some kind of talk therapy that may work in your benefit, it kind of alleviates you and gives you some space that you need safe space rather than your personal surroundings such as home and your spouse since that is where the throws of manic depressive desease exists. You can feel very alienated from loved ones even when they are there. Don't give up on medication changes I just found one that has quieted my mind and I do feel like a healthy human almost like I am safe at shore, its what we all keep looking for some sanity, I keep praying that God will help me with my mind and my thoughts with with this is and heal me and I ask he will use the medicine to help and not harm me. But, you are not alone. Chin up... I had such problems with my memory it wasn't funny, when I was attending a science class at school my lab partner and I would go over the parts of the skeleton to memorize and we would look at say 3 parts name them and then check with each other to name them. It was pretty embarassing, I couldn't tell her. I felt like a dumb blonde, I miss my former self. The one who got A's on tests the one who could recall information. When I was in the hospital, I wanted to reach back for my old life and just live that one again, but it was like it wasn't there. I could not grasp that anymore. Its tough to not have memories or to remember alot of stuff. You feel pretty vulnerable.
You are not alone lots of us on this forum know about how you feel because we feel it too. Maybe if you could get to some helpful medical help. I am not sure of your doctor care, but that can be helpful. Get yourself some kind of talk therapy that may work in your benefit, it kind of alleviates you and gives you some space that you need safe space rather than your personal surroundings such as home and your spouse since that is where the throws of manic depressive desease exists. You can feel very alienated from loved ones even when they are there. Don't give up on medication changes I just found one that has quieted my mind and I do feel like a healthy human almost like I am safe at shore, its what we all keep looking for some sanity, I keep praying that God will help me with my mind and my thoughts with with this is and heal me and I ask he will use the medicine to help and not harm me. But, you are not alone. Chin up... I had such problems with my memory it wasn't funny, when I was attending a science class at school my lab partner and I would go over the parts of the skeleton to memorize and we would look at say 3 parts name them and then check with each other to name them. It was pretty embarassing, I couldn't tell her. I felt like a dumb blonde, I miss my former self. The one who got A's on tests the one who could recall information. When I was in the hospital, I wanted to reach back for my old life and just live that one again, but it was like it wasn't there. I could not grasp that anymore. Its tough to not have memories or to remember alot of stuff. You feel pretty vulnerable.
Medications for January 3, 2014 to February 2, 2014
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keep calm and sing on
Spanner,
You are not alone lots of us on this forum know about how you feel because we feel it too. Maybe if you could get to some helpful medical help. I am not sure of your doctor care, but that can be helpful. Get yourself some kind of talk therapy that may work in your benefit, it kind of alleviates you and gives you some space that you need safe space rather than your personal surroundings such as home and your spouse since that is where the throws of manic depressive desease exists. You can feel very alienated from loved ones even when they are there. Don't give up on medication changes I just found one that has quieted my mind and I do feel like a healthy human almost like I am safe at shore, its what we all keep looking for some sanity, I keep praying that God will help me with my mind and my thoughts with with this is and heal me and I ask he will use the medicine to help and not harm me. But, you are not alone. Chin up... I had such problems with my memory it wasn't funny, when I was attending a science class at school my lab partner and I would go over the parts of the skeleton to memorize and we would look at say 3 parts name them and then check with each other to name them. It was pretty embarassing, I couldn't tell her. I felt like a dumb blonde, I miss my former self. The one who got A's on tests the one who could recall information. When I was in the hospital, I wanted to reach back for my old life and just live that one again, but it was like it wasn't there. I could not grasp that anymore. Its tough to not have memories or to remember alot of stuff. You feel pretty vulnerable.
You are not alone lots of us on this forum know about how you feel because we feel it too. Maybe if you could get to some helpful medical help. I am not sure of your doctor care, but that can be helpful. Get yourself some kind of talk therapy that may work in your benefit, it kind of alleviates you and gives you some space that you need safe space rather than your personal surroundings such as home and your spouse since that is where the throws of manic depressive desease exists. You can feel very alienated from loved ones even when they are there. Don't give up on medication changes I just found one that has quieted my mind and I do feel like a healthy human almost like I am safe at shore, its what we all keep looking for some sanity, I keep praying that God will help me with my mind and my thoughts with with this is and heal me and I ask he will use the medicine to help and not harm me. But, you are not alone. Chin up... I had such problems with my memory it wasn't funny, when I was attending a science class at school my lab partner and I would go over the parts of the skeleton to memorize and we would look at say 3 parts name them and then check with each other to name them. It was pretty embarassing, I couldn't tell her. I felt like a dumb blonde, I miss my former self. The one who got A's on tests the one who could recall information. When I was in the hospital, I wanted to reach back for my old life and just live that one again, but it was like it wasn't there. I could not grasp that anymore. Its tough to not have memories or to remember alot of stuff. You feel pretty vulnerable.
Medications for January 3, 2014 to February 2, 2014
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keep calm and sing on
February 7, 2014 - 2:52 pm
Total Posts: 1532
Joined: 08-11-2012
Joined: 08-11-2012
Spanner,
Since you said, "I just get so muddled like an old lady," I wonder if visiting a neurologist might help. It helped me. It was the neurologist who prescribed Depakote for me and I feel so much better since.
Whether it's a question of memory or cognition, I think it's fairly normal among bipolar people to experience some relative deficits. If we didn't, how would we know we were bipolar?
Keep trying different prescription cocktails until you find the one that controls the bipolar symptoms without making you feel like you have cotton gauze in your hear. (I just say that because I've heard a LOT of bipolars say they felt like they had "cotton" gauze in their heads.)
P.
Since you said, "I just get so muddled like an old lady," I wonder if visiting a neurologist might help. It helped me. It was the neurologist who prescribed Depakote for me and I feel so much better since.
Whether it's a question of memory or cognition, I think it's fairly normal among bipolar people to experience some relative deficits. If we didn't, how would we know we were bipolar?
Keep trying different prescription cocktails until you find the one that controls the bipolar symptoms without making you feel like you have cotton gauze in your hear. (I just say that because I've heard a LOT of bipolars say they felt like they had "cotton" gauze in their heads.)
P.
I'd rather have a frontal lobotomy than a bottle in front of me.
Spanner,
Since you said, "I just get so muddled like an old lady," I wonder if visiting a neurologist might help. It helped me. It was the neurologist who prescribed Depakote for me and I feel so much better since.
Whether it's a question of memory or cognition, I think it's fairly normal among bipolar people to experience some relative deficits. If we didn't, how would we know we were bipolar?
Keep trying different prescription cocktails until you find the one that controls the bipolar symptoms without making you feel like you have cotton gauze in your hear. (I just say that because I've heard a LOT of bipolars say they felt like they had "cotton" gauze in their heads.)
P.
Since you said, "I just get so muddled like an old lady," I wonder if visiting a neurologist might help. It helped me. It was the neurologist who prescribed Depakote for me and I feel so much better since.
Whether it's a question of memory or cognition, I think it's fairly normal among bipolar people to experience some relative deficits. If we didn't, how would we know we were bipolar?
Keep trying different prescription cocktails until you find the one that controls the bipolar symptoms without making you feel like you have cotton gauze in your hear. (I just say that because I've heard a LOT of bipolars say they felt like they had "cotton" gauze in their heads.)
P.
I'd rather have a frontal lobotomy than a bottle in front of me.
February 8, 2014 - 12:36 pm
Total Posts: 868
Joined: 06-12-2011
Joined: 06-12-2011
Spanner,
I was on a similar path and almost had to take a medical leave from work because of memory issues. It turned out that the benztropine I was taking for akathisia was messing with me. I was able to stop taking it without having the akathisia return, and my memory came back ok. I still am not 100% cognitively, but that could be that I am 51 and that BP has taken its toll, or that my other meds are affecting me, or most likely, both. So when you see your pdoc, make a big deal about the memory issues you are having. Perhaps there is a med change that can be made.
I was on a similar path and almost had to take a medical leave from work because of memory issues. It turned out that the benztropine I was taking for akathisia was messing with me. I was able to stop taking it without having the akathisia return, and my memory came back ok. I still am not 100% cognitively, but that could be that I am 51 and that BP has taken its toll, or that my other meds are affecting me, or most likely, both. So when you see your pdoc, make a big deal about the memory issues you are having. Perhaps there is a med change that can be made.
One day at a time.
Spanner,
I was on a similar path and almost had to take a medical leave from work because of memory issues. It turned out that the benztropine I was taking for akathisia was messing with me. I was able to stop taking it without having the akathisia return, and my memory came back ok. I still am not 100% cognitively, but that could be that I am 51 and that BP has taken its toll, or that my other meds are affecting me, or most likely, both. So when you see your pdoc, make a big deal about the memory issues you are having. Perhaps there is a med change that can be made.
I was on a similar path and almost had to take a medical leave from work because of memory issues. It turned out that the benztropine I was taking for akathisia was messing with me. I was able to stop taking it without having the akathisia return, and my memory came back ok. I still am not 100% cognitively, but that could be that I am 51 and that BP has taken its toll, or that my other meds are affecting me, or most likely, both. So when you see your pdoc, make a big deal about the memory issues you are having. Perhaps there is a med change that can be made.
One day at a time.
Joined: 03-23-2011