Newly diagnosed with Anxiety and Bipolar Disorder

Hello everyone. I've recently been diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder and anxiety. Although i'd dobe a lot of research before and when I started psychotherapy, the bipolar diagnosis came as a real shock to me because I had always brushed it aside as being too extreme for my symptoms and never bothered really reading about it. But after my diagnosis and research I realized how much I could relate to bipolar 2 disorder in a way that truly surprised me. I'd always felt like I was prone to extremely disruptive and unexpected behavior, especially in the form of irrational anger and unstable behavior and moods. But despite all that I'm not exactly convinced I am bipolar because during what could be considered my hypomania phases i was very talkative and hyper, but I never acted on most of the destructive urges I might have had like wanting to get drunk or shoplift or be sexual with random strangers or get into fights although the thoughts and desire to do so were present. Plus what would be my hypomania phases don't always come with happiness or delusions of grandeur, and i find myself shaking from te inside and the outside but i haven't seen it in any of the hypomanoa symptoms. But the depressive phases I can completely relate to.Any thoughts on this subject? I can also relate to most borderline personality disorder symptoms but i'm not sure you can have both bipolar and BPD at the same time. Also my periods of irrational and spontaneous energy typically lasted only one day or even less. I'm also debating whether I have ADD because I find it very hard to focus and always find myself daydreaming or getting lost in thought to the point of finding myself in a different room or place without paying attention or losing focus while driving or answering people without remembering what it was they said to me and studying before the last minute is practically impossible for me. i'm also having periods where I feel out of touch and don't really feel present inside my body and can't remember events that happen or having them feel like dreams instead of reality.I also find myself in an intensee love hate relationship with myself and with my friends where I am either very attached to them or completely indifferent and uncaring. Any insight on any of the topics above would be greatly appreciated especially that the idea of taking medicine to "stabilise my moods" has seriously put me on edge. I just worry that maybe i'm making a big deal of what i'm feeling and that I don't actually have any form of mental disorder and am just making myself sick or dramatising everything. I'm sorry if this doesn't really make any sense.

Hi blackmoon,

When I first received my diagnosis, I didn't think it made sense for me at all. I always had this stereotype in my mind of what someone suffering from bipolar looks like and acts like. Yet it is often falsely portrayed and misconstrued. You mentioned feeling irritable and having irrational behavior and unstable moods. That's how all my 'manias' were several years ago when I was first seeking treatment. At the time I was just told I had a 'mood disorder-undefined' and given mood stabilizers, yet they mentioned bipolar as a possibility. I was skeptical because, like you, I never really did the extreme behaviors, just 'thought' about them. I did get depressed, and shop a lot, and get really angry to the point that I would have involuntary aggressive rage (which landed me in the hospital). Well, when the medications quickly began helping me, I was thankful to have more stable moods and stayed on it. You mentioned how your 'hypomanias' don't come with happiness/grandiose thoughts, but the truth is, it doesn't always. There are several symptoms and you only have to display 3 or so to meet the criteria for the diagnosis. ADD like symptoms also can be similar to it, because hypomania includes distractability and psychomotor agitation.

"i'm also having periods where I feel out of touch and don't really feel present inside my body and can't remember events that happen or having them feel like dreams instead of reality." In reference to what you said here, this almost sounds like a dissociative symptom. I would mention this experience next time you see your pdoc.

As far as bipolar existing with BPD, yes, it is possible. It is quite common actually, according to the DSM-5.

You mentioned feeling like things are overdramatized or overanalyzed, and I went through the same thing. For years. Be patient with yourself and take care of yourself. Don't dwell on it too much, but at the same time, it is good to learn about your own diagnosis to better manage it, and to reach out to forums like this one. Also, if you try a mood stabilizer and find that it helps, you may find a lot of comfort and solace in that. I waited forever to actually start medication after I had been told numerous times I needed it. Once I finally took the leap, there was no going back.

To start off, I once read that the comorbidity rate between bipolar and BPD is something like 20% or something? And I know for sure that I've read that the comorbidity rate between BPD and mood disorders in general is very high. So it's entirely possible that you could have BPD and bipolar.

And as for that last part about you overdramatizing your feelings, that would definitely be a symptom of an anxiety disorder. I've heard over and over that if you're afraid that you may be faking then you aren't, and I can say that's held pretty true in my experiences.

And with your episodes? They're different for everyone. You don't need to embody the stereotype or show every symptom or anything. I'm bipolar 1 and I've never been hospitalized, never been arrested, and frankly I'm rather tame for my diagnosis. I sure as hell question it sometimes, yeah, but a lot of what matters is what you're thinking. Like on some days if I'm hypo/manic, people can't see my symptoms. They just see me walking down the street, maybe a little more jittery than your average person but still fairly nondescript. They don't see the racing thoughts, the intrusive thoughts, the paranoid delusions, the impulses trying to push their way through the five lane freeway that's lit up like New York City inside my head. It's kinda like how stopping using doesn't make someone who is truly addicted any less of an addict, if that makes sense? Their urges and desires are real, even while they aren't using.

And something that people need to talk about more is that mania isn't always happy. Sometimes when I'm manic I'm in a rage and it takes everything within me not to bite everyone's head off for the simplest things. Sometimes I'm highly paranoid and terrified that my loved ones will leave me, that my family will kick me out, that the cops will come for me, that I'm gonna be taken prisoner for some reason, etc. I can be manic and downright terrified. A specific memory I have is sneaking around my house with a kitchen knife for two hours while manic because I was convinced that someone had broken into my house. There's also the fact that outside events can affect how your mood state presents, especially because bipolar cycles can be very separate from what's going on in our lives (ex. I had no reason for the sudden manic episode when I was 17, as my life was going about the same as it had been before). So if a life event is bad enough, it could affect and manipulate the mania from euphoric mania into paranoid mania mixed mania, what have you. Just as an example. You may also want to look into psychomotor agitation!

I also agree with catlover that you should talk to your psych about the disassociation.