Mixed & rapid cycling

So I posted earlier this week about some stuff I was going through. Went to see the tdoc and pdoc today and they were very concerned right along with me. My pdoc seemed concerned that the on-call psychiatrist did not suggest further action,like hospitalization. Once blood work is done and other issues ruled out, the likely diagnosis may be bipolar 1.
My tdoc said I was rapid cycling, and so did pdoc, but on the visit summary she stated it was a mixed episode. I agree with both though, it has been a wild week. :( So now since she is treating me with extra meds as an acute crisis stabilization, I have to temporarily add seroquel to make me sleep to avoid the mania and psychotic junk. And weaning off lamictal the next three weeks switching to trileptal. Any experiences with those? Arrgggh!
Also, she commented that when I heard the male voice in my head that said 'kill them', it counted as an auditory hallucination even though it was in my head. Comments on that?

The one time I've had an auditory hallucination, it was in my head. I think that was what she, your tdoc, talking about, that they usually are. Because usually no one else can hear them except the person who hear them.

I never knew what bipolar was until my neice was diagnosed. That was two years before I was diagnosed. Frankly, I just thought I she was a spoiled brat and that I had the personality of an artist. Then I became psychotic. What happened was that a demon would sit on my right shoulder and scream LOUDLY in my ear, telling me to drive off the road when driving, and to kill certain people (husband, friends, coworkers) and then myself. I felt the voice was right next to or in my ear, but I could not see the demon. I was flat out in a rage for no reason. I told my husband that if he took me to the hospital I would kill myself. So he didn't do it. I was never hospitalized and was planning a murder-suicide. Nice. We just didn't understand what mental illness was at the time. I don't know what my records say about that particular hallucination since it happened way before I met with a pdoc. My pdoc is a man of few words. I have never seen any of my pdoc/tdoc records.

(To this day, I wonder if that demon was real, and am left sort of obsessed with demonology.)

Anyway I was diagnosed months later with bipolar 1, depressive episode. I am dead set against hospitalization. Just a fear of mine. So I never disclose suicidal plans and thoughts, etc. With medication, I don't feel homicidal. So, I think that's ok to not say anything that would land me in the hospital.

I still don't understand why you are not being treated with an antipsychotic except to enhance sleep. But alas, I am not a doctor. I hope the Seroquel gives you restful sleep and the trileptal works against mania.

Sorry for my disorganized rambling about myself. Just know you are not alone in this bipolar experience! (((Hugs)))

Catlover it's too bad that the lamictal didn't work out for you. I'm bipolar1, I take it and so far haven't had any problems, but you never know when a med will quit or suddenly turn its back on you!
Seroquel is excellent for sleep and I find it helps to even me out and it helps with those auditory hallucinations. I'm taking 200mg at night
About a month ago my pdoc had to increase a few of my meds bc of a similar issue to yours. My thoughts got disorganized, I was depressed, brain would. not. shut. up. The changes she made have helped immensely.
My thoughts on the hallucination is if it's a voice that's not your own, wether in your head or outside it counts. My voice I've heard does sound like it's outside my head, it cusses me out.

@bluedragon,
I never really hear people talk about external auditory hallucinations. I've had them too. My tdoc says they are maladaptive introjects. Anyway, it is an odd sensation. Mine are commentary. For instance someone seemingly right behind me said "you've been to McDonalds." Well a couple days before that, I had.

Thank you all for the supportive replies. Yes, I am bummed about getting rid of Lamictal, it was by far my favorite med so far. I had no issues for almost a full year. The seroquel is definitely helping my sleep, but I have already gained weight and it hasn't even been a full two weeks. I am going to request a different antipsychotic on Tuesday when I see her. I gained 30 lbs. on Abilify in 2013, and spent the latter part of 2015 losing the 30 lbs. Now that I am down to where I want to be, there is no way I am going to allow myself to go through that again. I don't want to deal with pre-diabetic issues and having to go buy an all new wardrobe. Plus gaining weight makes me so tired and sluggish all the time. Any antipsychotics that don't cause weight gain? Sure that's hard to find.

Good to know all this about the hallucinations. I wasn't aware of these things and thought I had never had them. When they are defined this way, I have been having them a long time, like since before I was diagnosed. :(

Things have calmed down a bit since my recent med change, but I still am experiencing some moderate mood episodes. They aren't keeping me from doing my daily things, but they are definitely annoying and are annoying to everyone around me lol. Prior to the med change I was unable to function and almost hospitalized, so this is def an improvement.

Blue dragon- So glad your med adjustment is helping you!

Artista- it is interesting that you mentioned the specific things the voices said to you, as I have also heard a voice telling me to drive off the road more than once. Weird! Thankful to not be alone in this.

Hi Cat

If there is an antipsychotic that doesn't cause weight gain, sign me up!! Seriously, they don't cause weight gain per se, but they do cause overeating, especially carbs. I have found that a lower carb diet offsets these carb cravings and I have even lost 50 pounds while on Abilify. I have another 35 to go. (Yeah, I gained 85 pounds once I started treatment.) Better to be a bit pudgy than a homicidal/suicidal, maniacal, psychotic person. Abilify saved me from that. Seroquel is a real weight gainer in my experience. Right now it looks like you are taking 50 mg. 300 plus mg is a therapeutic dose. Anything less than that binds with histamine receptors and acts as an antihistamine instead of an antipsychotic. Sort of like Benadryl. But better than Benadryl. You can find an article on this is you google "the last psychiatrist." At least I think so if my memory is correct.

Latuda and Abilify are less known for weight gain though I gained a ton on Abilify. Latuda made me anxious and I had lots of mouth twitching with it. Just no perfect solution.

Keep trying meds. Remember each episode you have causes some damage to the brain and you will only get worse over time left untreated. Better to be sane than thin!

Seroquel is NOT a good sleeping medication. Way too many side effects. What about a light benzo, like a .25mg or .5mg Klonopin in the evenings? This might not be feasible for you, of course. I am BP2 and Klonopin really helps me relax and sleep. Xanax is a double-edged sword but it works too. I also have a script for Ambien, which is great to help you fall asleep. Just make sure you take it right before you lay down to go to sleep; otherwise, you'll have quite a trippy night. It wears off in a few hours, though, so it won't keep you asleep necessarily.

I'm curious why you're no longer taking the Lamictal? Lamictal has been a lifesaver for me--it's night and day; I was constantly suicidal or whacked out of my mind before. While I still have mood swings, it's nothing like before the Lamictal. What is the withdrawal from Lamictal like? Is the Lamictal really working for you? I would think twice before you stop taking it.