Depression and a tornado of bad thoughts

I'm writing this in the midst of a depressive cycle. (Or whatever you call it.) Only it doesn't "feel" like depression. Instead, its this chaotic, confusing "tornado" that whirls around in my mind. It makes me feel like I'm the worst human being on the planet, that everyone has it better than me (even the other depressed or sick people), and I can't make heads or tails of anything. I'm extremely frustrated with my own brain and can't seem to find relief. I had an anxiety attack last night because this "tornado" is relentless. The only time I feel something is when I cry from the frustration of it all, but other than that, I don't feel much at all. I've stopped talking to my friends because I don't want to talk to them about all this. I know they won't understand and I can't stand to hear their well meaning advice because I feel like I can't do whatever they say. The tornado makes me feel dumb. My brain is on overdrive, wanting me to reach all my goals but then puts me down when I don't reach them. I know this will pass and I'll be fine again (I have bipolar type 1) but I'm so tired.... anyone else relate to this?

WOW I find this almost to relatable. I have been going through a depressive cycle as well and I understand that tornado of thought maybe not about the same things I keep finding myself insanely paranoid and thoughts of my own death it's so frustrating because I don't want these thoughts yet they are there keeping me awake all night the only release I can find is through crying and once I start i can't stop. I hate that this is something i have to deal with I always wish it away its so tiering. I feel like none really can understand what this feels like and it frustrates me more, everyone asks whats wrong but nothings wrong I'm just bipolar.

Thanks for sharing. It's always good to hear someone else say they can relate, especially when your brain says no one can. This meant a lot to hear from you.
I've been finding relief this week. I had a counseling appt last week and it really helped me to put names to the various voices in my head, like one for the depression thoughts and one for insecurities and anxieties, etc. Seemed to help me disassociate from this crap. Cause I KNOW it's not really me. And people don't understand that. So yeah. I just end up saying "it's just bipolar" AND I'm learning to be super careful who I let into my life these days. Choose the best, nonjudgemental ones!

Also, it "helps" to know that people with bipolar typically have negative brains anyway. Something we have to learn how to deal with (like me putting names to the voices.) So I don't feel so alone anymore and I hope you don't either!

that's me! that's how come I came to this support forum.
I have no way out. No one can understand what it's like. I received instruction when it came to handling a situation I did not feel like I had a move. They all helped. Then . I couldn't handle it that way. I became like exactly a maniac with my words, spoke my mind. Out of place. Now depressed, on mother's day and I am a mother. Feel nothing. No mouth , all around me do not understand what it's like to be me. to friends, no way out from here, they helped and I still #@$%&*ed it all up... The person who I keep under my skin, who's using my son. I totter back and forth. But .... trying to handle a situation my mind is just blank to handle as a mom. I have no control except to lose it. On this girl. She wins every time. I am the mean person. I am imprisoned alone.

I feel sick, like you. Understand me, please. Take my hand, help me out of this prison with invisible walls.

clonazepam put me back to sleep// I was about to lose my sanity. Up for nights after nights. Driven from my sleep. No help in sight. People get concerned, but it's no relief. Severe anxiety attacks.

Why are you so mean to Me? That's the question from those who you have shared your
Meental illness problem. Put on mental illness shoes. Til then you won't Care to believe me. I DO HAVE INTELLIGENCE. DO READ YOU REALLY. HOW FORTUNATE YOU NOW LABEL ME BICH. AND I AM USELESS. TO BE EFFECTIVE AS I WISH TO BE. GOD PROTECT MY SON WHO IS BLIND TO SEE FROM PEOPLE WHO USE OTHER PEOPLE. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF SOMEONE'S NAIVE GOOD KIND NATURE.