I don't think you are alone. I think this often and silently and I have never really spoken about it. I've spoken to my psychiatrist about it and he thinks it is common. I think also if you are well for periods of time you often have periods of doubt. But all I have to do to is remind myself of the really bad times to kick my butt enough to say to myself that I need to be sensible here and not do anything stupid by going off medication. I've thought of that often too. I'm not game to reduce or medication because I've done that before even under guidance of my psychiatrist and ended up in hospital because the drop in medication was too fast or not a good idea to begin with. Since then he is very cautious about shifting medication around. I'm stable - don't touch it.
I don't cycle all the time, I'm not rapid cycling, I'm not depressed all the time. I am very high functioning - manage a family, part time work and part time university study. But when I do have a mood episode it is huge and massive and destructive, sometimes with paranoia and psychosis. My illness functions like a classic bipolar I type. I only have to remember these episodes and promise myself to stay on my medication.
Cheers
Current medications as of 05-14-2017
05-18-2010 - Present: |
Lithium, 750mg . 250mg pm and 500mg am |
01-11-2012 - Present: |
Seroquel XR, 800 XR. night |
01-24-2013 - Present: |
Thyroxine, 250 mcg. in morning 250mg |
07-15-2016 - Present: |
Sodium Valproate, 2000mg. 1000mg at night, 1000mg in morning |
08-18-2016 - Present: |
Seroquel IR 100mg, 100mg. PRN |
Joined: 08-26-2015