Suicidal ideation

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oliver
June 5, 2017 - 9:37 am
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oliver
Total Posts: 377
Joined: 03-07-2013
I have noticed this state of mind is not painful it is hoping and wanting to die and asking God please let me die. It is probably a state of mind perhaps all have when needing to be set free of problems of self and in general earth as it is out of our control to be in control and hold on to anything. It's dull, sorrowful. When joyful we can't keep it. Wanting to ignite the spark that commits the suicide. But, really if we have had sufferings beyond labor pains. Like poisoning ingestion or ruptured disc pain. We have a truer realization of these pains that are carried out as contractions to deliver us into heaven. This is what I heard in church. In my thought of committing suicide I would certainly desire to be extinguished. Not suffer eternal flames. Again that would be an unbearable pain. One I would be not wanting to touch with the longest pole ever. But, when I feel life is not what I want and going with death is unenviable anyway. It seems only natural. There may be one human being in your life that gives you a true joy which would keep a reason to live. Maybe some have less than that. But when you feel life adds up to sorrows entrapment and is not where you wish to be. You cry to God wishing to overcome all people's by keeping your sorrows to yourself. You are tired of the game and involving others in it. You want to dissolve all of what you thought life should give and does not. You believe and know you will not make it on the saints list. You have no belief you are or ever will be. The worst part for me is losing sleep night after night. That becomes some form of being driven insane. And truly hurts mentally and physically.


keep calm and sing on angels
my grace is sufficient for you, my power shows itself through weakness...
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oliver
oliver
June 5, 2017 - 9:37 am
I have noticed this state of mind is not painful it is hoping and wanting to die and asking God please let me die. It is probably a state of mind perhaps all have when needing to be set free of problems of self and in general earth as it is out of our control to be in control and hold on to anything. It's dull, sorrowful. When joyful we can't keep it. Wanting to ignite the spark that commits the suicide. But, really if we have had sufferings beyond labor pains. Like poisoning ingestion or ruptured disc pain. We have a truer realization of these pains that are carried out as contractions to deliver us into heaven. This is what I heard in church. In my thought of committing suicide I would certainly desire to be extinguished. Not suffer eternal flames. Again that would be an unbearable pain. One I would be not wanting to touch with the longest pole ever. But, when I feel life is not what I want and going with death is unenviable anyway. It seems only natural. There may be one human being in your life that gives you a true joy which would keep a reason to live. Maybe some have less than that. But when you feel life adds up to sorrows entrapment and is not where you wish to be. You cry to God wishing to overcome all people's by keeping your sorrows to yourself. You are tired of the game and involving others in it. You want to dissolve all of what you thought life should give and does not. You believe and know you will not make it on the saints list. You have no belief you are or ever will be. The worst part for me is losing sleep night after night. That becomes some form of being driven insane. And truly hurts mentally and physically.


keep calm and sing on angels
my grace is sufficient for you, my power shows itself through weakness...
artista
June 6, 2017 - 6:48 am
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artista
Total Posts: 868
Joined: 06-12-2011
Hi Oliver,
I sat on death's doorstep many time, begging to be let in. I used to pray to God I would get cancer or die in a car accident. It was my faith in God that kept me from carrying out my suicide plan. I was afraid of going to hell. I think an eternity in hell would be worse than anything I could feel on earth. My husband also is very supportive. How could I do that (suicide) to him?

I rarely think the suicidal/cancer or accident wishes anymore. What turned that around was trauma therapy. You see I had a challenging childhood with constant fear. I did not know that I got PTSD as a result. I don't think regular talk therapy would work, it must be EMDR or something. Maybe you suffer from a dysfunctional past?? Just throwing that out there. Regardless if you did or not, getting a good therapist can really help.

Do you have a lot of outside stressors? Maybe that could cause you to angst as well.

One more thing--I have hallucinationed about a demon coming after me. To this day I don't know if that was real or not. I do believe they prowl the earth looking for people that are in a weakened state.

Please keep posting how you are doing and God bless!


Spam? Offensive?
artista
artista
June 6, 2017 - 6:48 am
Hi Oliver,
I sat on death's doorstep many time, begging to be let in. I used to pray to God I would get cancer or die in a car accident. It was my faith in God that kept me from carrying out my suicide plan. I was afraid of going to hell. I think an eternity in hell would be worse than anything I could feel on earth. My husband also is very supportive. How could I do that (suicide) to him?

I rarely think the suicidal/cancer or accident wishes anymore. What turned that around was trauma therapy. You see I had a challenging childhood with constant fear. I did not know that I got PTSD as a result. I don't think regular talk therapy would work, it must be EMDR or something. Maybe you suffer from a dysfunctional past?? Just throwing that out there. Regardless if you did or not, getting a good therapist can really help.

Do you have a lot of outside stressors? Maybe that could cause you to angst as well.

One more thing--I have hallucinationed about a demon coming after me. To this day I don't know if that was real or not. I do believe they prowl the earth looking for people that are in a weakened state.

Please keep posting how you are doing and God bless!


oliver
July 9, 2017 - 3:33 pm
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oliver
Total Posts: 377
Joined: 03-07-2013
Glad to know I am in the boat with you. Glad to know you are being helped in therapy. I have a terrific nurse. Therapy dance is kind of difficult. There is a fast changeover in mental health workers. The last one I loved. It's a non profit organization. The overload of patients is pretty big. The demon thing you opened up and shared. It feels good to have known this from you. People in my close surroundings without this illness haven'the seen it before. God bless you too.


keep calm and sing on angels
my grace is sufficient for you, my power shows itself through weakness...
Spam? Offensive?
oliver
oliver
July 9, 2017 - 3:33 pm
Glad to know I am in the boat with you. Glad to know you are being helped in therapy. I have a terrific nurse. Therapy dance is kind of difficult. There is a fast changeover in mental health workers. The last one I loved. It's a non profit organization. The overload of patients is pretty big. The demon thing you opened up and shared. It feels good to have known this from you. People in my close surroundings without this illness haven'the seen it before. God bless you too.


keep calm and sing on angels
my grace is sufficient for you, my power shows itself through weakness...

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