Hi Oliver,
I sat on death's doorstep many time, begging to be let in. I used to pray to God I would get cancer or die in a car accident. It was my faith in God that kept me from carrying out my suicide plan. I was afraid of going to hell. I think an eternity in hell would be worse than anything I could feel on earth. My husband also is very supportive. How could I do that (suicide) to him?
I rarely think the suicidal/cancer or accident wishes anymore. What turned that around was trauma therapy. You see I had a challenging childhood with constant fear. I did not know that I got PTSD as a result. I don't think regular talk therapy would work, it must be EMDR or something. Maybe you suffer from a dysfunctional past?? Just throwing that out there. Regardless if you did or not, getting a good therapist can really help.
Do you have a lot of outside stressors? Maybe that could cause you to angst as well.
One more thing--I have hallucinationed about a demon coming after me. To this day I don't know if that was real or not. I do believe they prowl the earth looking for people that are in a weakened state.
Please keep posting how you are doing and God bless!
Joined: 03-07-2013