Hi JD!

Missed by one day SO I had to open a "New topic". Things have been a bit crazy. Up & down, mostly down is what I tend to think though that's not necessarily true. I finally got a $2 an hour raise at work though I had to ask despite being "Employee of the Year" in 2016. I've still been struggling some w/health issues: I didn't have to get my blood drained for the past 2 out of 3 times I went to the Cancer Specialists. So a couple weeks ago was the first time in the last three is what I meant to say. Also, I was told to come back in a month bc my hematocrit & hemaglobin counts were so high. Meanwhile, I was referred to a sleep study which I cannot afford but desperately need to get done. I have been putting it off for so long. I believe I have sleep apnea ~ my is neck over 18" around & that alone gives one an 80% + chance of having it. I'm too muscular in my jaws, neck, traps and shoulders. I carry most of my stress there, including grinding my teeth (Bruxism) in my sleep. Even though I am not fat, I still want to be leaner now that I've passed the half century mark. I always have to show people my ID bc they don't believe I'm that old - makes me feel good though. QAnyway, I had to put it off bc even w/my insurance it will be anywhere from $600 to over $1000. Don't have that right now + my car is still not registered completely from last June & here it is June again!

Time for good news: I finally applied for licensure to be (Advanced) Substance Use Disorder Counselor. I'm nervously awaiting a response from the Dept of Public Licensing (DOPL). I realize now that I have been more depressed than I was aware of OR I should say 'oppressed' rather than depressed, bc I couldn't do anything without $oney. In the past 2 yrs I've been without a roommate for more than one + not having a raise for the past more than 3 yrs while the cost of living continues to keep rising, has been very difficult when I would otherwise be quite content and happy. Money does not drive me (as much as it probably ought to) which is both fortunate & unfortunate. So I now have a wonderful young Mormon roommate - poor guy has never smoked or tried illicit drugs in his life & is most likely still a virgin bc he's never been married, etc. I figured I couldn't go wrong w/choosing him like the past 3 choices I've made, lol. I had to wait 3 mos for his contract where he was living to expire but I think it was woreth the wait though it almost killed me to be so fricken broke! Also, I think I told you I'm LDS too now? Very interesting trying out organized religion for the first time ever...

Well, I hope this post finds you & yours doing awesome! Please don't give up hope on your job search. Also, I apologize for missing the 90 day mark by a day and having to create yet another new topic/post.

Hello JD,

You still on mt? Many good things are occurring in my life right now despite my self-sabotaging characteristics. I got certified in Utah by the Dept of Public Licensing which means in 2 yrs I will be 'Licensed' and will need to start accumulating Continuing Education Units (CEU's) to maintain that licensure. It was a major hassle bc there was a (human) error between the testing (agency?) location and the credentialing agency. I couldn't figure out how DOPL was sent the wrong info saying I took the basic or standard test for the SUDC when I definitely took the Level II exam for the ASUDC - it's ALL electronic! Testing site #, Exam #, etc. How could THAT be messed up? I was so stressed... Finally got it worked out the day before the deadline AFTER I finished writing a letter saying I was willing to concede and accept the SUDC certification - NADAAC sent DOPL a correction note admitting to "human error" on the document of my test results they sent.

Anyway, I was more curious about what's been going on w/you? Hope you're doing well.

-kby-

Hi kby,

CONGRATS on your certification! That's awesome! And you've been working toward it for so long and now you have it! :-) Getting a raise is definitely great, too!

How is your roommate working out? How is everything out your way? Actually, we are neighbors now.


Yep, still on MT. Haven't been for awhile though. A lot of "craziness" going on this spring/summer. Housing market was (still is?) up in MA, so we did a little fixing up, sold, and FINALLY took the plunge and moved to AZ! :-) We shipped our stuff ahead and made our way by car, stopping to visit friends along the way. Finally settled in our rental house. It has a nice enclosed yard for the dog. Now that it's cool enough, he spends most of his time out there. For a certain amount of time (not sure how long), the landscaper set the sprinklers to go off every 2 1/2ish hours for 3 minutes. Something about watering the rye grass that he just seeded. Since the dog spends much of the day outside, if he's laying in the grass, he gets wet. It's funny watching him get up and run to the patio. Is that mean?

Finally back to hiking now that it's cooler. :-) So, I'm meeting new people, which is great. We still just do evening hikes; some early morning, but I'm not a morning person, so I skip those. Hiking is so different here b/c it's not in the woods. Some of the trails have been too easy, except one that was 1 1/2 miles with 600 ft elevation. I had done a few hundred in MA and figured how hard could a few more hundred be. BIG mistake. I get there and it's just straight up, some switchbacks, but those are straight up, too. OMG, I thought I was going to die. There were 6 of us, one turned back, the rest beat me up. Granted, it was my 1st time on the trail. I wish they had come back down instead of waiting. I don't know how long they had to wait. Yep, I was THAT girl on the hike. In MA, I would have been thinking "who is this person, didn't they read the posted description, I hate having to wait for people..." The only thing I'm not fond of is watching out for rattlesnakes. I haven't seen 1 myself, but there was one hanging out under a bush that a high school kid was taking a pic of. I was on the side of the bush, wanted nothing to do with it, and gave it wide berth. I'm glad she didn't get bit b/c I think she might have been almost that close! That's all for now.

~JD

JD! Congrats on finally moving to Arizona like you have wanted for so long. That's awesome!

I'm at work now but was wondering when I would next be able to find the time to catch up w/you. Quick run down: my mother's partner (wife) of 28 yrs suddenly died after it looked like she was in the clear recovering from a difficult surgery. I was very worried about her bc I waited for three weeks when I was already scheduled for coming to Berkeley on paid vacation time rather than coming out immediately. Plus I got to attend the service and see more of family than I have in a long time THAT was wonderful. My mom is distraught and heartbroken though once I saw her I knew it's something she will be able to pull through. I was extremely worried until I saw her in person though. So I have had a pretty rough month or so bc I didn't take very good care of myself when I was worried. Slacking off on exercise and diet.

Yesterday I had a colonoscopy for the first time since I'm 50 yrs old now; it was a precautionary screening for colon cancer. Man! Let me tell you - the whole process sucks really, really big time!!! And after following the 'prep' instructions to the 'T', I still wasn't all the way cleared out! Meaning I have to come back again within three years rather than 10. Such a bummer...

Other than that things are going pretty well. Can you believe I still haven't registered my car!? I found out starting next year in this state you don't have to have your car inspected to register it ONLY smog/emissions certificate will be required. So I'm going to try and go that route even though my car is overdue two times past registration in CA.

My roommate is 27 yr old bachelor and not big on cleaning up after himself right away AND cares more about his fish and fish tank more than anything else BUT still a better roommate by way way far than the past 2 or 3 nightmares I've had for roommates. Such a relief I must say. It is so stressful to have bad roommates...

ok back to work - hope to hear from you soon

-kyb-

Hi kby,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's partner and how she and everyone else is doing. It's so hard to lose someone unexpectedly. :-(


Just read your message. I sent an email to the moodtracker people as to why I haven't been getting emails when someone posts after I do. They used to send them, now I can't figure out how and I don't know when anyone else posts. Do you get these kind of emails? How?

Clarifying, are you driving your car? No license plate? AZ is the same, just emissions.

Glad to hear your roommate is better. :-) Any cool looking fish?

AZ is SO much better than MA! I'm so disappointed that I'm missing the foot of snow and temps below freezing for days on end. LOL! One of my friends posted on Facebook that it was -12 degrees, air temp not wind chill! I'm loving the 70s.

Gotta get ready for work. That's all for now.

~JD

It sounds like everyone who posted in this thread is living life, making pragmatic decisions, achieving goals, getting by and even having fun, although life is inherently grevious at times.

I'm just chilling out, taking my meds, dining at the pastors' house, watching the seasons change, and keeping my mind busy with unheard of inventions, like my gasoline-powered washing machine and now a roll bar above my motorcycle with copious head lights attached.

A couple of days ago, I got to the beach for my first swim of the new year, which is a benefit of living in the Dominican Republic.

Prozac/fluoxetine has successfully chased away my anhedonia and now I'm enjoying myself much more with much less effort.

Persistence! Congratulations man. I admire your willingness and your diligence - hence your username of course! I fricken wrote a long note and just somehow erased it #^&**&$%##W$#@!!! I'm so pissed! I must have timed out? Maybe bc it was over an hour idk dang it.

Quick recap I guess - I suffer from anhedonia and it's really bad w/me. I'm 8 yrs clean & sober now BUT when I was using I snorted a whole lot of cocaine which I mixed w/liquor of course. I didn't shoot it, I did not like crack or crank or crystal and the other stimulants (I do like my caffeine though) bc I have severe ADHD. They basically 'normalized' me when I was wanting to get loaded or self medicate or whatever you like to call substance use disorder - addiction.

I got high quality stuff off of the smuggling submarines before the authorities figured that out 10 yrs so ago. Anyway, I used a lot of it for over a decade. I looked into the effects of long term cocaine use while getting my counseling degree to work w/the substance use disorder population. It can cause long term anhedonia worse than any other drug so far anyway.

I can have fun in the moment but planning it out and executing said plan proves to be extremely difficult still. In other words I can really screw up &/or sabotage what's 'supposed' to be a good time, lol. But life in general, at this point, I can enjoy. Most of my coworkers are fond of me at work bc I insist on having a good time. For the most part, there's no reason not to.

I have to say though: I would find it hard to NOT have at least some fun days riding a motorcycle around and going to the beach in the Dominican Republic, lol. I can relate though; being an expert at ruining what I plan for to be a good time.

I got a new computer/different set up SO Idk how I lost that first longer post - really, really irritating.

Let's have more fun in life - we deserve to.

-lcb-

Hello JD! It occurred to me in your post that you said "I have to get ready for work..." What? Idk know you already got a job in AZ. Are you subbing still? Well I hope you tell me about it when you get the chance. Your post was making me laugh JD - I'm certain you are definitely NOT mean to your dog. ALL of my pets growing up at one time or another have made me laugh ~ one of the wonderful things about having pets: they can be very amusing, no doubt. I wish we could have pets. I got my roommate to name most of his fish now. He's at drill in a nearby state for his military duty and I've already had two of them (at separate times) die on my watch while he's been at drill. I didn't sign up for it but if I'm going to feel guilty about it I at least want to know the name of the fricken fish whose death I am responsible for. Right? I think I over fed them.

OMG - I'm so excited for you JD! You seem happier to me already. What about a therapist &/or psychiatrist (or Psych NP, what I have) now that you are in AZ? It's almost weird how we don't much talk about 'managing our moods' anymore. Probably a good thing - idk? I'll tell you that this inversion (causes air pollution during the winter) thing here in Ut Valley has been hitting my allergies, causing asthma and pulmonary related problems worse and worse for the past 3 to 4 yrs now. Earlier this week I was so drained from work, lack of quality sleep/good rest, that I was wheezing breathing in & out! It was terrible and I was actually panicky scared about it on Monday which is my Wednesday at work. Almost left work & went to the Insta-Care or whatever they're called out here. My inhaler wasn't doing s^*t! So when I got home Wednesday (my work Friday) I got in bed and did not get up until last night around 8 P.M. ONLY bc I had to go to the laundromat. Total "tweekerville" there, so always somewhat entertaining for me. That's another story.

I got this CPAP machine that I borrowed by accident bc I thought my brother's wife was going to give it to me since she doesn't use it - miscommunication apparently - as I took it back to Utah w/me. It has the piece that covers my nose and not my mouth SO it's supposed to train me to breathe through my nose while sleeping WHICH I don't do. I have a deviated septum partly bc I was born with only a very thin membrane there BUT I definitely made sure of it w/all the cocaine and pills I crushed up and snorted in my active addiction, as well as more than two decades of breathing construction dust of various jobs I worked on. Crawling under houses retro fitting + lots of concrete, etc. So I'm working on it BUT have so far only been able to last a little over an hour before I have to rip it off my fricken face. My worst phobia is claustrophobia though it has more to do with feeling suffocated and trapped in some way I won't be able to breathe - which is why I get panicked when I can't breathe - proximity of other people isn't part of it for me anyway.

Shoot! I gotta go. I want to tell you again; congratulations on the very positive changes that you are going through right now. You deserve happiness and have worked so very hard to find or achieve enough 'balance' in your life to be able to enjoy it some of the time - don't you think? Even if it's simply laughing at your dog. Oh yeah! Almost forgot: SNAKES! Yeah that would be phobia number two for sure...

-kby-