Ok- so, about a month and a half ago, my therapist and family doc collaborated, and they seem to believe that I may have Cyclothymia. I have been taking Klonopin 0.5mg (as needed 2-3 x p/day), and Buspar 5mg (2 x p/day) to help with this. I have a history of depression, and anxiety with "normal" times mixed in here and there, and some times more elevated moods (but those seem to happen less and less lately). In my teens I got pretty involved with drugs, and was pretty permiscuos (spelling-?). -I messed with drugs back then, because they let me "become someone else".. this new, talkative, brave person, who I WANT to be so very badly.. I cleaned up 10 years ago, and have not touched anything since, and would experience some "ups and downs", but I felt like I could manage them. (during this time, the downs might last for 3 or 4 days, and then would get better.)
I lost my father whom I was very close to about 7 months ago, and I have been up and down ever since... I recently graduated from college with an associates degree, and I should be happy right now, but I find myself feeling like I wish I weren't here... I'm not thinking about suicide or anything- I think that's WRONG, BUT, I just wish I could leave everything, and go......... somewhere..... and start a new life or something.. I feel like I can't hardly breathe at times... When will these feelings get better? I am SO frustrated with feeling like this, and I am disgusted with my stupidity..
I don't know what to do at this point.. Any suggestions?
Current medications as of 05-17-2009
|04-10-2009 - Present:
||Klonopin, 0.5. TID PRN
|04-15-2009 - Present:
||Buspar, 10 mg. twice daily