I never self harm, but I use to drink and do occasional drugs, I also did a lot of those gym supplements to get energy and work out and took sleeping pills, it took my doctor 6 years to finally diagnosed me as a ciclothymic, I had thoughts of being bipolar before and I asked her and she didn’t think I was, but I was never to clear with her about my care free behavior and my over sexuality because I was always very good in covering also, people never noticed. I always got a lot of attention because of my looks and personality and people always liked me and I was always over friendly during my hypo episodes but they were never abnormal so it was very hard to diagnose and my depression was never very deep fast and went away fast also. After I had a baby I had much more issues, and finally now she diagnosed me cause my OCD and paranoia increased a lot, I spending lots of time, cleaning the baby stuff and I'm so paranoid with him, I had thoughts that I was going crazy, I I use to be afraid to turn crazy like those moms that kills their babies and I use to cry and cry and pray to God to please don’t let me turn crazy and I use to wake up 5 or 6 times a night for months (even after he started sleeping through the night) cause I though he was going to die of SIDS or some weird stuff. I also started to get the mix moods where I was so sensitive and irritable than I end up fighting with most of my friends and I never wanted to see or talk to anyone and I never even feel like leaving the house most of the time. I never want to go anywhere and I feel like I have no more pleasure in life. I use to love to look good and put make up on and dress nice, now I just get by, I still dress nice for work and put a bit of make up cause my work requires that but I feel no pleasure our of it. I don’t even feel pleasure shopping for myself anymore. And lately my obsession is search about bipolar disorder on line I spend hours on the site and I'm completely obsessed and it’s not even normal because that's all I talk about with my fiancée. I have been feeling like this for months now, my pregnancy was so hard and I didn’t started on meds until like 3 months ago because I was breastfeeding so I'm still not stabilized. I don’t have thoughts of killing myself but I feel hopeless that I ever going to enjoy life again and have friends. I feel like crying but I am not even able to do this. Sorry to vent but my life has been pretty crappy and I feel bad because I have reasons to be happy, I managed to be successful and have a stable job. I'm not that great of saving money and I did have lots of shopping sprees in s the past and I still do once in a while but don’t get any pleasure out of it. But my job is very well compensated and I have been there for almost 3 years now which is a record for me. I used to switch jobs every couple years before but I always left in good terms and people always loved me and I have great refs. Anyway what I mean is that I manage somehow to have a pretty normal life so far despising all my struggling with this crazy stuff. Please somebody tell me that I will get better cause I'm scared of all this meds and I'm scared of never being able to be myself again. Thanks
Medications for February 2009
| 12-12-2008 - 02-07-2009: | Effexor, 75 mg. once a day |
12-27-2008 - 02-14-2009: | Topamax, 25 mg. twince a day |
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| 12-27-2008 - 02-14-2009: | Topamax, 25 mg. twince a day |
02-07-2009 - 02-14-2009: | Topamax, 75 mg. topamax |
02-07-2009 - 02-14-2009: | Effexor, 112.5. once a day |
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| 02-14-2009 - 02-27-2009: | Effexor, 75 mg. once a day |
02-14-2009 - Present: | Topamax, 25 mg. twince a day |
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| 02-14-2009 - 02-27-2009: | Effexor, 75 mg. once a day |
02-14-2009 - Present: | Topamax, 25 mg. twince a day |
02-20-2009 - 02-27-2009: | lexapro, 0.5. once a day |
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| 02-14-2009 - Present: | Topamax, 25 mg. twince a day |
02-27-2009 - Present: | lexapro, 10 mg. once a day |
02-27-2009 - Present: | Effexor, 37.5. once a day |
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Joined: 10-24-2008