Too Depressed to Function

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amberlynn79
January 15, 2009 - 4:39 pm
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amberlynn79
Total Posts: 30
Joined: 12-21-2008
I am going through an exteme "cycle" of depression. I know that it must be situational depression, because of my "situation".

I have been self-medicating with the Xanax and Ambien just to sleep as much as possible to get through the day and part of the night.

I can't seem to find any one who wants to talk to me about this, bc they have all heard it before.

I don't have any external outlets, because I don't have a job--nor money to put gas in my car to leave my apartment. I live in a neighborhood that is a great distance from anything. I am starting to feel suffocated.

I have applied to several different jobs, but because of my MANY jobs (quitting/fired), I don't stand a chance. I feel like I am never going to get out of this.

My father has to pay all other bills, because my rent takes all of my Social Sec Disability. He is tired and has had to take a part-time job to help, because no one will hire me.This is so embarrasing for me to have to beg him to put gas in my car and buy toliet paper.

These are the things that make me think, what is the purpose? I don't understand why God would allow such a devasting disease happen to people who normally would be able to function. I have tried to comitt suicide so many times and He won't let me die, just to keep me alive for what...? Just to go through more of this...?

Honostly, I am not suicidal, but I do have the ideologies.



Medications for January 2009
06-01-2008 - Present:Lamictal, 150 mg. One time per day
06-01-2008 - Present:Xanax, 1 mg. Twice per day
12-23-2008 - Present:Depakote XR Double, 1500 mg. Once in early morning hours

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amberlynn79
amberlynn79
January 15, 2009 - 4:39 pm
I am going through an exteme "cycle" of depression. I know that it must be situational depression, because of my "situation".

I have been self-medicating with the Xanax and Ambien just to sleep as much as possible to get through the day and part of the night.

I can't seem to find any one who wants to talk to me about this, bc they have all heard it before.

I don't have any external outlets, because I don't have a job--nor money to put gas in my car to leave my apartment. I live in a neighborhood that is a great distance from anything. I am starting to feel suffocated.

I have applied to several different jobs, but because of my MANY jobs (quitting/fired), I don't stand a chance. I feel like I am never going to get out of this.

My father has to pay all other bills, because my rent takes all of my Social Sec Disability. He is tired and has had to take a part-time job to help, because no one will hire me.This is so embarrasing for me to have to beg him to put gas in my car and buy toliet paper.

These are the things that make me think, what is the purpose? I don't understand why God would allow such a devasting disease happen to people who normally would be able to function. I have tried to comitt suicide so many times and He won't let me die, just to keep me alive for what...? Just to go through more of this...?

Honostly, I am not suicidal, but I do have the ideologies.



Medications for January 2009
06-01-2008 - Present:Lamictal, 150 mg. One time per day
06-01-2008 - Present:Xanax, 1 mg. Twice per day
12-23-2008 - Present:Depakote XR Double, 1500 mg. Once in early morning hours

JulesD
January 15, 2009 - 8:18 pm
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JulesD
Total Posts: 133
Joined: 10-30-2007
Amber,

Hon... depression stinks. There is no doubt about it. I hear your pain. I hear your sense of helplessness in your situation. So... let me just send you a great big hug across cyber space. {{{{{{ Amber }}}}}} I know that doesn't make everything all better... but at least you know someone hears you.

I have some hints and tips for you that you can choose to take, or not. I know you probably don't feel like doing anything. However, if you going to get better, you're going to have reach out past your depression and do some things to help yourself feel better.

First, the xanax and ambien self-medication sleeping pills are not helping your depression. They might get you through the day, but they may, in fact, make your overall depression worse. It could become a terrible spiral. So, I would encourage you to look for other coping methods.

20 minutes of exercise per day (that causes you to break a sweat) can raise your serotonin level and make you feel better.

Eat plenty of protein in the form of lean meat. Meat protein has lots of micro-nutrients that help your brain process the neurotransmitters that are lacking in depressed people.

Call friends and talk to them about things OTHER than your depression.

Keep a journal about the things that you would like to talk to other people about.

Find a low cost hobby that you can do in your home and that you can get involved with an online group about.... since you've described yourself as isolated. Having an online group that has nothing to do with your disease will give you something to focus on other than your depression. I like to knit and make earrings.

Light exposure first thing in the morning has shown to change people's depressed moods. So, an early morning outdoor walk may be an option for you. Not for me.... I'm in upstate New York.. there is no light first thing in the morning.. lol I would need a light box.

Anyway... those are just some suggestions. They don't change your situation. However, they can give you some control of your life. It seems like you're feeling that nothing is in your control. Well... you can take some control and feel better!!

Be well,
Jules


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JulesD
JulesD
January 15, 2009 - 8:18 pm
Amber,

Hon... depression stinks. There is no doubt about it. I hear your pain. I hear your sense of helplessness in your situation. So... let me just send you a great big hug across cyber space. {{{{{{ Amber }}}}}} I know that doesn't make everything all better... but at least you know someone hears you.

I have some hints and tips for you that you can choose to take, or not. I know you probably don't feel like doing anything. However, if you going to get better, you're going to have reach out past your depression and do some things to help yourself feel better.

First, the xanax and ambien self-medication sleeping pills are not helping your depression. They might get you through the day, but they may, in fact, make your overall depression worse. It could become a terrible spiral. So, I would encourage you to look for other coping methods.

20 minutes of exercise per day (that causes you to break a sweat) can raise your serotonin level and make you feel better.

Eat plenty of protein in the form of lean meat. Meat protein has lots of micro-nutrients that help your brain process the neurotransmitters that are lacking in depressed people.

Call friends and talk to them about things OTHER than your depression.

Keep a journal about the things that you would like to talk to other people about.

Find a low cost hobby that you can do in your home and that you can get involved with an online group about.... since you've described yourself as isolated. Having an online group that has nothing to do with your disease will give you something to focus on other than your depression. I like to knit and make earrings.

Light exposure first thing in the morning has shown to change people's depressed moods. So, an early morning outdoor walk may be an option for you. Not for me.... I'm in upstate New York.. there is no light first thing in the morning.. lol I would need a light box.

Anyway... those are just some suggestions. They don't change your situation. However, they can give you some control of your life. It seems like you're feeling that nothing is in your control. Well... you can take some control and feel better!!

Be well,
Jules


amberlynn79
January 15, 2009 - 10:13 pm
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amberlynn79
Total Posts: 30
Joined: 12-21-2008
Thank you Jules for your suggestions. My father did come through and put some gas in my car, so I am going to do some volunteer work at one of the shelters downtown tomorrow.

At least that is a start. :o) Thanks for the hug LoL!!



Medications for January 2009
06-01-2008 - Present:Lamictal, 150 mg. One time per day
06-01-2008 - Present:Xanax, 1 mg. Twice per day
12-23-2008 - Present:Depakote XR Double, 1500 mg. Once in early morning hours

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amberlynn79
amberlynn79
January 15, 2009 - 10:13 pm
Thank you Jules for your suggestions. My father did come through and put some gas in my car, so I am going to do some volunteer work at one of the shelters downtown tomorrow.

At least that is a start. :o) Thanks for the hug LoL!!



Medications for January 2009
06-01-2008 - Present:Lamictal, 150 mg. One time per day
06-01-2008 - Present:Xanax, 1 mg. Twice per day
12-23-2008 - Present:Depakote XR Double, 1500 mg. Once in early morning hours

rynardm
January 16, 2009 - 9:31 am
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rynardm
Total Posts: 5
Joined: 01-09-2009
Jules is right about the anti anxieties. Self medication is never good though because it is one of the main causes of addiction. I speak from experience on that one (13 mos. sober). Excercise, sleep, and diet are the best things for mood disorders. If you are dwelling on the bad things, I think the volunteer thing is an excellent idea. Someone is always worse off then us and when we're depressed, we need reminded of that. I think that it's great you are self aware of the suicidal ideation. As a matter of fact I read a lot of self awareness in your post. Pat yourself on the back for that.

Is there anyplace cheaper you could rent? Is moving in with your dad an option? Money problems just suck and are a massive trigger for most people. They can also wipe out what little self-esteem a person might have left when they are depressed. I hear you and



Medications for January 2009
01-09-2005 - Present:Cylexa, 80 mg. morning
06-09-2006 - Present:Lamictal, 75 mg. morning

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rynardm
rynardm
January 16, 2009 - 9:31 am
Jules is right about the anti anxieties. Self medication is never good though because it is one of the main causes of addiction. I speak from experience on that one (13 mos. sober). Excercise, sleep, and diet are the best things for mood disorders. If you are dwelling on the bad things, I think the volunteer thing is an excellent idea. Someone is always worse off then us and when we're depressed, we need reminded of that. I think that it's great you are self aware of the suicidal ideation. As a matter of fact I read a lot of self awareness in your post. Pat yourself on the back for that.

Is there anyplace cheaper you could rent? Is moving in with your dad an option? Money problems just suck and are a massive trigger for most people. They can also wipe out what little self-esteem a person might have left when they are depressed. I hear you and



Medications for January 2009
01-09-2005 - Present:Cylexa, 80 mg. morning
06-09-2006 - Present:Lamictal, 75 mg. morning

amberlynn79
January 16, 2009 - 12:31 pm
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amberlynn79
Total Posts: 30
Joined: 12-21-2008
I couldn't go this morning. It just wasn't in me. I am about to turn 30 on Monday and I have nothing to show for it. I can't get, nor keep a job. I am divorced --a year after I had my son. My son dsn't like being around me, because he remembers the bad in's and out's that I would go into. Now he really dsn't like me because I am fully functional as a parent and I am disaplining him (which is something that he isn't used to).

I have isolated myself from every friend/family member due to the mood swings and now I am so afraid to even say hello, because it might start a friendship and who knows how long this "baseline" will last this time.

I don't get a lot in SSDI. because I was on disability right out of college. So my son and I live in a small one bedroom apt. Which I know is a blessing because there are people at the shelter who would kill for this.

I am an embassasment to my family, they don't even invite me to family functions. My nephews birthday was Wed and my son was asked to go-not me.

I tried to start a writing group at the library and bumped heads with one of the other writers and was voted out of my own group.

Living with my parents is not an option. My mother has repeatedly told me that they wished they had never adopted me and that she would never let me move back in. My dad still helps a little financially, but if they don't see me in months... they don't 'comeacallin'. As long as they have my son, that is all they care about.

I never asked for any of this. I was born to a crack and alcohol addicted adulteror who cheated with her best friends husband and out pops me.

I am just so tired. All of the bad things that I have done, I always thought were my fault, now even with the new information about bi-polar and the fact that my bio-mother was on drugs when she carried me dsn't matter-my "family" dsn't care.

I have heard so many times from them, "go out and make friends/a new family". Don't they realize that there are times that I am too afraid to even leave this damn apt. ?

Thank you for your help and suggestions.


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amberlynn79
amberlynn79
January 16, 2009 - 12:31 pm
I couldn't go this morning. It just wasn't in me. I am about to turn 30 on Monday and I have nothing to show for it. I can't get, nor keep a job. I am divorced --a year after I had my son. My son dsn't like being around me, because he remembers the bad in's and out's that I would go into. Now he really dsn't like me because I am fully functional as a parent and I am disaplining him (which is something that he isn't used to).

I have isolated myself from every friend/family member due to the mood swings and now I am so afraid to even say hello, because it might start a friendship and who knows how long this "baseline" will last this time.

I don't get a lot in SSDI. because I was on disability right out of college. So my son and I live in a small one bedroom apt. Which I know is a blessing because there are people at the shelter who would kill for this.

I am an embassasment to my family, they don't even invite me to family functions. My nephews birthday was Wed and my son was asked to go-not me.

I tried to start a writing group at the library and bumped heads with one of the other writers and was voted out of my own group.

Living with my parents is not an option. My mother has repeatedly told me that they wished they had never adopted me and that she would never let me move back in. My dad still helps a little financially, but if they don't see me in months... they don't 'comeacallin'. As long as they have my son, that is all they care about.

I never asked for any of this. I was born to a crack and alcohol addicted adulteror who cheated with her best friends husband and out pops me.

I am just so tired. All of the bad things that I have done, I always thought were my fault, now even with the new information about bi-polar and the fact that my bio-mother was on drugs when she carried me dsn't matter-my "family" dsn't care.

I have heard so many times from them, "go out and make friends/a new family". Don't they realize that there are times that I am too afraid to even leave this damn apt. ?

Thank you for your help and suggestions.


Rutledge1957
January 17, 2009 - 1:08 am
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Rutledge1957
Total Posts: 2
Joined: 01-17-2009
One of the hardest things to do is to keep moving in any sense of the word. Some days just getting out of bed can be the big thrill of the day. I know. I try to listen to music that relates to my mood but in the up versions of that venue. Make sure to eat. Make sure to look at what is good about yourself not so much the bad. Although you have had a lot of disappointment with trying to find work, keep trying. If you don't share how you feel with your Dad in the guilt and gratitude department, make a point to do that. It will help him and you. Any good thing you can find to think about helps. Past or present good things. Hard as it is to not do bad self talk, try to push that away. Doesn't help a thing or change anything. Positive self talk may not either but it does remind you that you have many good qualities, and do make a difference to the people who love you. Think Its A Wonderful LIfe...George Bailey and Clarence isn't just a cute story. The message is, that when we look too hard at all we don't have and all we feel is bad about us, we forget and don't see who we matter too and that even the small things we share and do with others matters and if we were not here to matter to those people life for them would be very different and not always to the good. If you pray, don't just pray, Talk to God or whomever you pray too. Really unload and ask for strength and courage. This all helps me daily. Does it change my circumstance? No. It might but not at present. What it does do is bolster me through another day, gives me something to do to help me besides medicate myself, and some days it makes me discover new ideas or retry old ones to improve my life...my self. Hang in there because you are worth it...and yes there is a reason you are here even if you don't see it....ask to be guided to that reason. One door never closes without another opening.


Dev C.
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Rutledge1957
Rutledge1957
January 17, 2009 - 1:08 am
One of the hardest things to do is to keep moving in any sense of the word. Some days just getting out of bed can be the big thrill of the day. I know. I try to listen to music that relates to my mood but in the up versions of that venue. Make sure to eat. Make sure to look at what is good about yourself not so much the bad. Although you have had a lot of disappointment with trying to find work, keep trying. If you don't share how you feel with your Dad in the guilt and gratitude department, make a point to do that. It will help him and you. Any good thing you can find to think about helps. Past or present good things. Hard as it is to not do bad self talk, try to push that away. Doesn't help a thing or change anything. Positive self talk may not either but it does remind you that you have many good qualities, and do make a difference to the people who love you. Think Its A Wonderful LIfe...George Bailey and Clarence isn't just a cute story. The message is, that when we look too hard at all we don't have and all we feel is bad about us, we forget and don't see who we matter too and that even the small things we share and do with others matters and if we were not here to matter to those people life for them would be very different and not always to the good. If you pray, don't just pray, Talk to God or whomever you pray too. Really unload and ask for strength and courage. This all helps me daily. Does it change my circumstance? No. It might but not at present. What it does do is bolster me through another day, gives me something to do to help me besides medicate myself, and some days it makes me discover new ideas or retry old ones to improve my life...my self. Hang in there because you are worth it...and yes there is a reason you are here even if you don't see it....ask to be guided to that reason. One door never closes without another opening.


Dev C.
Lizabeth
January 17, 2009 - 11:28 am
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Lizabeth
Total Posts: 146
Joined: 01-04-2009
It is sometimes very hard just to get out of the bed isn't it? I agree with what everyone else has posted, but remember, if you are able to work with your volunteering---your Depression is an illness, not a character flaw, and not your fault. Would your family be blaming you if you had, say chronic heart failure and couldn't work because of that. I am lucy that my husband is very understanding and unlucky in that I don't have a whole lot of other family to worry about.
I remember reading that there are books written especially for family of people with Mental Health problems, maybe it would help if your family did some reading. Just go to Amazon or Barnes and Noble and pick one to mail to them. If you have a talk therapy person maybe they have one they could lend you.
I hope you feel better soon, please remember there are places to call if you do feel like hurting yourself.


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Lizabeth
Lizabeth
January 17, 2009 - 11:28 am
It is sometimes very hard just to get out of the bed isn't it? I agree with what everyone else has posted, but remember, if you are able to work with your volunteering---your Depression is an illness, not a character flaw, and not your fault. Would your family be blaming you if you had, say chronic heart failure and couldn't work because of that. I am lucy that my husband is very understanding and unlucky in that I don't have a whole lot of other family to worry about.
I remember reading that there are books written especially for family of people with Mental Health problems, maybe it would help if your family did some reading. Just go to Amazon or Barnes and Noble and pick one to mail to them. If you have a talk therapy person maybe they have one they could lend you.
I hope you feel better soon, please remember there are places to call if you do feel like hurting yourself.


amberlynn79
January 18, 2009 - 11:20 am
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amberlynn79
Total Posts: 30
Joined: 12-21-2008
I don't know whether to be happy or sad. I can trace the reason I was so depressed to start this sub-topic to the fact that I started my cycle AGAIN for this month. Knowing that I do suffer from PMDD, this explains a lot.

Thank you to all who offered advice and support!! :o)


It is always darkest before the dawn.
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amberlynn79
amberlynn79
January 18, 2009 - 11:20 am
I don't know whether to be happy or sad. I can trace the reason I was so depressed to start this sub-topic to the fact that I started my cycle AGAIN for this month. Knowing that I do suffer from PMDD, this explains a lot.

Thank you to all who offered advice and support!! :o)


It is always darkest before the dawn.
HoosierK
January 19, 2009 - 8:17 pm
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HoosierK
Total Posts: 265
Joined: 08-30-2008
Lots of good advice in all the posts here. I recently made exercise in the morning a priority and it has been wonderful for me. I drag myself out of bed by telling myself that I can go back to bed in 30 minutes if I still feel like it. Usually about 15 minutes into my 35 minute exercise routine I actually begin to enjoy it.

I also know that most states offer low income housing that can be close to free at times. And most states also have programs that help people with mental illness get & keep jobs. Do you have a therapist or caseworker that can help you look into what is available where you live?



Medications for January 2009
08-04-2008 - Present:Yerba Mate, 2T to 40oz H2O. throughout day
08-06-2008 - Present:Iron, 18mg. empty stomach am
08-08-2008 - Present:Ginger Root, 540mg. breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Potassium Gluconate, 99mg. breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Soil Based Organisms w/ 72 trace minerals, 1capsule. 8:00pm
08-08-2008 - Present:Copper, 2mg. every other day breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Selenium, 100mcg. 8:00pm
08-08-2008 - Present:Vitamin C & Zinc lozenges, 100mg/25mg. 2 after breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:B12 sublingual, 1000mcg. after breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Time-release B complex , 125 mg. breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:HiActives Tart Cherry Extract with flavanoids, 465mg/23mg. breakfast
08-25-2008 - Present:Indole-3-Carbinol with Resveratrol, 200mg/5mg. breakfast
09-01-2008 - Present:Vitamin E with mixed Tocopherols, 400 IU. breakfast & 8:00pm
09-11-2008 - Present:L-tyrosine, 1000mg. breakfast
09-26-2008 - Present:Calcium Citrate with D, 315mg/200 IU. 8:00pm
10-09-2008 - Present:Ashwagandha, 450mg. breakfast & 8:00pm
10-17-2008 - Present:D3, 1000 IU. breakfast
10-27-2008 - Present:Echinacea, 400mg. breakfast & 8:00pm
11-01-2008 - Present:Inositol, 650mg. 4 @ 8p
11-10-2008 - Present:L-Glutamine, 500mg. empty stomach am
11-20-2008 - Present:5HTP, 200mg. 8:00pm
12-03-2008 - Present:Chromium Polynicotinate, 200mcg. breakfast & 8:00pm
12-03-2008 - 01-05-2009:GABA, 2000mg. 8:00pm
12-03-2008 - 01-05-2009:Taurine, 500mg. 8:00pm
12-03-2008 - 01-05-2009:Lemon Balm, 1000mg. 11:00pm
12-03-2008 - Present:Lavendar oil, 4 points. 11:00pm at pulse points
12-03-2008 - Present:Omega 3 1g with EPA 180mg & DHA 120mg, 1g/180mg/120mg. 3 @ breakfast & 8:00pm
12-12-2008 - Present:Homeopathy Pain Sublingual, 1 mg. PRN 8:00pm after work
12-12-2008 - Present:Homeopathy Stress Sublingual, 1 mg. PRN 8:00pm after work
12-15-2008 - Present:Homeopathy Obesity Sublingual, 1 mg. 8:00pm
08-04-2008 - Present:Yerba Mate, 2T to 40oz H2O. throughout day
08-06-2008 - Present:Iron, 18mg. empty stomach am
08-08-2008 - Present:Ginger Root, 540mg. breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Potassium Gluconate, 99mg. breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Soil Based Organisms w/ 72 trace minerals, 1capsule. 8:00pm
08-08-2008 - Present:Copper, 2mg. every other day breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Selenium, 100mcg. 8:00pm
08-08-2008 - Present:Vitamin C & Zinc lozenges, 100mg/25mg. 2 after breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:B12 sublingual, 1000mcg. after breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Time-release B complex , 125 mg. breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:HiActives Tart Cherry Extract with flavanoids, 465mg/23mg. breakfast
08-25-2008 - Present:Indole-3-Carbinol with Resveratrol, 200mg/5mg. breakfast
09-01-2008 - Present:Vitamin E with mixed Tocopherols, 400 IU. breakfast & 8:00pm
09-11-2008 - Present:L-tyrosine, 1000mg. breakfast
09-26-2008 - Present:Calcium Citrate with D, 315mg/200 IU. 8:00pm
10-09-2008 - Present:Ashwagandha, 450mg. breakfast & 8:00pm
10-17-2008 - Present:D3, 1000 IU. breakfast
10-27-2008 - Present:Echinacea, 400mg. breakfast & 8:00pm
11-01-2008 - Present:Inositol, 650mg. 4 @ 8p
11-10-2008 - Present:L-Glutamine, 500mg. empty stomach am
11-20-2008 - Present:5HTP, 200mg. 8:00pm
12-03-2008 - Present:Chromium Polynicotinate, 200mcg. breakfast & 8:00pm
12-03-2008 - Present:Lavendar oil, 4 points. 11:00pm at pulse points
12-03-2008 - Present:Omega 3 1g with EPA 180mg & DHA 120mg, 1g/180mg/120mg. 3 @ breakfast & 8:00pm
12-12-2008 - Present:Homeopathy Pain Sublingual, 1 mg. PRN 8:00pm after work
12-12-2008 - Present:Homeopathy Stress Sublingual, 1 mg. PRN 8:00pm after work
12-15-2008 - Present:Homeopathy Obesity Sublingual, 1 mg. 8:00pm
01-05-2009 - Present:Melatonin, 9g. 11:00pm
01-05-2009 - Present:Taurine, 2g. 10:00pm

The only place that you can find perfection on Earth today is in the dictionary.
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HoosierK
HoosierK
January 19, 2009 - 8:17 pm
Lots of good advice in all the posts here. I recently made exercise in the morning a priority and it has been wonderful for me. I drag myself out of bed by telling myself that I can go back to bed in 30 minutes if I still feel like it. Usually about 15 minutes into my 35 minute exercise routine I actually begin to enjoy it.

I also know that most states offer low income housing that can be close to free at times. And most states also have programs that help people with mental illness get & keep jobs. Do you have a therapist or caseworker that can help you look into what is available where you live?



Medications for January 2009
08-04-2008 - Present:Yerba Mate, 2T to 40oz H2O. throughout day
08-06-2008 - Present:Iron, 18mg. empty stomach am
08-08-2008 - Present:Ginger Root, 540mg. breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Potassium Gluconate, 99mg. breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Soil Based Organisms w/ 72 trace minerals, 1capsule. 8:00pm
08-08-2008 - Present:Copper, 2mg. every other day breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Selenium, 100mcg. 8:00pm
08-08-2008 - Present:Vitamin C & Zinc lozenges, 100mg/25mg. 2 after breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:B12 sublingual, 1000mcg. after breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Time-release B complex , 125 mg. breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:HiActives Tart Cherry Extract with flavanoids, 465mg/23mg. breakfast
08-25-2008 - Present:Indole-3-Carbinol with Resveratrol, 200mg/5mg. breakfast
09-01-2008 - Present:Vitamin E with mixed Tocopherols, 400 IU. breakfast & 8:00pm
09-11-2008 - Present:L-tyrosine, 1000mg. breakfast
09-26-2008 - Present:Calcium Citrate with D, 315mg/200 IU. 8:00pm
10-09-2008 - Present:Ashwagandha, 450mg. breakfast & 8:00pm
10-17-2008 - Present:D3, 1000 IU. breakfast
10-27-2008 - Present:Echinacea, 400mg. breakfast & 8:00pm
11-01-2008 - Present:Inositol, 650mg. 4 @ 8p
11-10-2008 - Present:L-Glutamine, 500mg. empty stomach am
11-20-2008 - Present:5HTP, 200mg. 8:00pm
12-03-2008 - Present:Chromium Polynicotinate, 200mcg. breakfast & 8:00pm
12-03-2008 - 01-05-2009:GABA, 2000mg. 8:00pm
12-03-2008 - 01-05-2009:Taurine, 500mg. 8:00pm
12-03-2008 - 01-05-2009:Lemon Balm, 1000mg. 11:00pm
12-03-2008 - Present:Lavendar oil, 4 points. 11:00pm at pulse points
12-03-2008 - Present:Omega 3 1g with EPA 180mg & DHA 120mg, 1g/180mg/120mg. 3 @ breakfast & 8:00pm
12-12-2008 - Present:Homeopathy Pain Sublingual, 1 mg. PRN 8:00pm after work
12-12-2008 - Present:Homeopathy Stress Sublingual, 1 mg. PRN 8:00pm after work
12-15-2008 - Present:Homeopathy Obesity Sublingual, 1 mg. 8:00pm
08-04-2008 - Present:Yerba Mate, 2T to 40oz H2O. throughout day
08-06-2008 - Present:Iron, 18mg. empty stomach am
08-08-2008 - Present:Ginger Root, 540mg. breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Potassium Gluconate, 99mg. breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Soil Based Organisms w/ 72 trace minerals, 1capsule. 8:00pm
08-08-2008 - Present:Copper, 2mg. every other day breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Selenium, 100mcg. 8:00pm
08-08-2008 - Present:Vitamin C & Zinc lozenges, 100mg/25mg. 2 after breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:B12 sublingual, 1000mcg. after breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:Time-release B complex , 125 mg. breakfast
08-08-2008 - Present:HiActives Tart Cherry Extract with flavanoids, 465mg/23mg. breakfast
08-25-2008 - Present:Indole-3-Carbinol with Resveratrol, 200mg/5mg. breakfast
09-01-2008 - Present:Vitamin E with mixed Tocopherols, 400 IU. breakfast & 8:00pm
09-11-2008 - Present:L-tyrosine, 1000mg. breakfast
09-26-2008 - Present:Calcium Citrate with D, 315mg/200 IU. 8:00pm
10-09-2008 - Present:Ashwagandha, 450mg. breakfast & 8:00pm
10-17-2008 - Present:D3, 1000 IU. breakfast
10-27-2008 - Present:Echinacea, 400mg. breakfast & 8:00pm
11-01-2008 - Present:Inositol, 650mg. 4 @ 8p
11-10-2008 - Present:L-Glutamine, 500mg. empty stomach am
11-20-2008 - Present:5HTP, 200mg. 8:00pm
12-03-2008 - Present:Chromium Polynicotinate, 200mcg. breakfast & 8:00pm
12-03-2008 - Present:Lavendar oil, 4 points. 11:00pm at pulse points
12-03-2008 - Present:Omega 3 1g with EPA 180mg & DHA 120mg, 1g/180mg/120mg. 3 @ breakfast & 8:00pm
12-12-2008 - Present:Homeopathy Pain Sublingual, 1 mg. PRN 8:00pm after work
12-12-2008 - Present:Homeopathy Stress Sublingual, 1 mg. PRN 8:00pm after work
12-15-2008 - Present:Homeopathy Obesity Sublingual, 1 mg. 8:00pm
01-05-2009 - Present:Melatonin, 9g. 11:00pm
01-05-2009 - Present:Taurine, 2g. 10:00pm

The only place that you can find perfection on Earth today is in the dictionary.
amberlynn79
January 19, 2009 - 8:43 pm
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amberlynn79
Total Posts: 30
Joined: 12-21-2008
We are on food stamps and because of my disability I get a psy. and a therapist at no cost.

We have been on low income housing for the past 2 years but everytime there is a natural disaster we get pushed back.

The agency DARS really hasn't been any help, but I am going to try again.

I have hope and faith that there is some reason that I am going through this.


It is always darkest before the dawn.
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amberlynn79
amberlynn79
January 19, 2009 - 8:43 pm
We are on food stamps and because of my disability I get a psy. and a therapist at no cost.

We have been on low income housing for the past 2 years but everytime there is a natural disaster we get pushed back.

The agency DARS really hasn't been any help, but I am going to try again.

I have hope and faith that there is some reason that I am going through this.


It is always darkest before the dawn.
edclemons8
January 21, 2009 - 8:44 am
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edclemons8
Total Posts: 1
Joined: 01-07-2009
ust take it day by day it will get better


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edclemons8
edclemons8
January 21, 2009 - 8:44 am
ust take it day by day it will get better


Rutledge1957
January 21, 2009 - 2:23 pm
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Rutledge1957
Total Posts: 2
Joined: 01-17-2009
Take it day by day it may not get better fast but if you don't just hang in there then it can't get better at all ya know? I hear you. In a similar boat.....sinking atm.... but am bailing best I can. If I lose my house, Ill lose my time w my kids and keeping things normal and up for them is my goal always, always has been. I don't let them see this stuff and I try to be and focus for them when it gets bad. Hang on to the ones you love they are THE reason to keep on going even if that's treading. In my book once one has kids one loses the right to selfish and suicidal stuff....not fair to bring people to the planet and give up on ones self.... So if nothing else, for them hang on and be the one they need you to be. We all owe our kids that much. I save my pain and depression and hopeless for me and my therapist. I am VERY glad you have a roof over your head, disability and meds.....most of us out here do not. That is a good thing even if its not much comfort. Hang in there.


Dev C.
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Rutledge1957
Rutledge1957
January 21, 2009 - 2:23 pm
Take it day by day it may not get better fast but if you don't just hang in there then it can't get better at all ya know? I hear you. In a similar boat.....sinking atm.... but am bailing best I can. If I lose my house, Ill lose my time w my kids and keeping things normal and up for them is my goal always, always has been. I don't let them see this stuff and I try to be and focus for them when it gets bad. Hang on to the ones you love they are THE reason to keep on going even if that's treading. In my book once one has kids one loses the right to selfish and suicidal stuff....not fair to bring people to the planet and give up on ones self.... So if nothing else, for them hang on and be the one they need you to be. We all owe our kids that much. I save my pain and depression and hopeless for me and my therapist. I am VERY glad you have a roof over your head, disability and meds.....most of us out here do not. That is a good thing even if its not much comfort. Hang in there.


Dev C.
Ewok31
January 22, 2009 - 12:38 am
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Ewok31
Total Posts: 1
Joined: 01-18-2009
I too am going through one of the worst cycles of depression I've ever been in. I am diagnosed BIpolar II. I'm working really hard to get better, but often it just feels hopeless, that no matter how hard I try, it is not going to change. I've had suicidal thoughts, but have done nothing with it because I have an adult daughter who I am really scared for, if I did commit suicide. My therapist told me that children of parents that have committed suicide are 50% for likely to commit suicide themselves. That scares me a lot, because I do not want that for my daughter. It' just so hard to try to do anything. I have very little motivation. They come in spurts and I have made a little headway in dealing with my depression, but often it feels like I'm beating my head against a brick wall (the depression) that just will not break or even budge. I am on a mood stabilizer, but I do not think it is the right one for me any more, or maybe just not enough.. I'm really hoping my pyschiatrist can get me on something that will stabilize my moods enough that I can start making some headway in breaking this depression of mind. I hope this will happen, but that hope is really small right now. I'm more negative about my health and life improving than anything else. I see my psychtrist and therapist later today, so we'll see what they have to say about it.



Medications for January 2009
01-14-2009 - Present:Prevacid, 30mg Solu tabs. 1 tablet 2x daily
01-14-2009 - Present:Clonazepam, .5 mg. 1 tablet by mouth up to 3x daily
01-14-2009 - Present:Hydroxyzine HCL, 25 mg. 1 tablet by mouth up to 3x daily
01-14-2009 - Present:Lamotrigine (Lamictal), 150 mg. 1 tablet by mouth every night

Hugs and Best Wishes,
Ewa
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Ewok31
Ewok31
January 22, 2009 - 12:38 am
I too am going through one of the worst cycles of depression I've ever been in. I am diagnosed BIpolar II. I'm working really hard to get better, but often it just feels hopeless, that no matter how hard I try, it is not going to change. I've had suicidal thoughts, but have done nothing with it because I have an adult daughter who I am really scared for, if I did commit suicide. My therapist told me that children of parents that have committed suicide are 50% for likely to commit suicide themselves. That scares me a lot, because I do not want that for my daughter. It' just so hard to try to do anything. I have very little motivation. They come in spurts and I have made a little headway in dealing with my depression, but often it feels like I'm beating my head against a brick wall (the depression) that just will not break or even budge. I am on a mood stabilizer, but I do not think it is the right one for me any more, or maybe just not enough.. I'm really hoping my pyschiatrist can get me on something that will stabilize my moods enough that I can start making some headway in breaking this depression of mind. I hope this will happen, but that hope is really small right now. I'm more negative about my health and life improving than anything else. I see my psychtrist and therapist later today, so we'll see what they have to say about it.



Medications for January 2009
01-14-2009 - Present:Prevacid, 30mg Solu tabs. 1 tablet 2x daily
01-14-2009 - Present:Clonazepam, .5 mg. 1 tablet by mouth up to 3x daily
01-14-2009 - Present:Hydroxyzine HCL, 25 mg. 1 tablet by mouth up to 3x daily
01-14-2009 - Present:Lamotrigine (Lamictal), 150 mg. 1 tablet by mouth every night

Hugs and Best Wishes,
Ewa
amberlynn79
January 22, 2009 - 3:47 am
Spam? Offensive?
amberlynn79
Total Posts: 30
Joined: 12-21-2008
I saw my psych (PDOC) and psychologist yesterday and my pdoc upped my Lamictal to 200 mg, kept the Depakote at 1500 mg, and is going to add Lithium.

Using the info from MoodTracker he and I both confirmed that I do have PMDD. So I have to very aware and careful 1-2 weeks b4 my cycle because that is the time that I am suicidal and severely depressed.

My psychol. made it very clear to me. She said that "when I start feeling depressed and suicidal, to remind myself that my son would rather have a mother off her rocker than no mother at all". I had to laugh at that.

I also started applying for jobs (part time) and volunteering when I can.

My b-day was on the 19th so I made a list of 30 things that I am going to do to improve MY life.

I am trying to be more PROACTIVE in dealing with this disease.



Medications for January 2009
06-01-2008 - Present:Xanax, 1 mg. Twice per day
06-01-2008 - 01-21-2009:Lamictal, 150 mg. One time per day
12-23-2008 - Present:Depakote XR Double, 1500 mg. Once in early morning hours
06-01-2008 - Present:Xanax, 1 mg. Twice per day
06-01-2008 - 01-21-2009:Lamictal, 150 mg. One time per day
12-23-2008 - Present:Depakote XR Double, 1500 mg. Once in early morning hours
01-15-2009 - Present:Ambien, 5 mg. one @ night
06-01-2008 - Present:Xanax, 1 mg. Twice per day
12-23-2008 - Present:Depakote XR Double, 1500 mg. Once in early morning hours
01-15-2009 - Present:Ambien, 5 mg. one @ night
01-21-2009 - Present:Lamictal, 200 mg. Once a day

It is always darkest before the dawn.
Spam? Offensive?
amberlynn79
amberlynn79
January 22, 2009 - 3:47 am
I saw my psych (PDOC) and psychologist yesterday and my pdoc upped my Lamictal to 200 mg, kept the Depakote at 1500 mg, and is going to add Lithium.

Using the info from MoodTracker he and I both confirmed that I do have PMDD. So I have to very aware and careful 1-2 weeks b4 my cycle because that is the time that I am suicidal and severely depressed.

My psychol. made it very clear to me. She said that "when I start feeling depressed and suicidal, to remind myself that my son would rather have a mother off her rocker than no mother at all". I had to laugh at that.

I also started applying for jobs (part time) and volunteering when I can.

My b-day was on the 19th so I made a list of 30 things that I am going to do to improve MY life.

I am trying to be more PROACTIVE in dealing with this disease.



Medications for January 2009
06-01-2008 - Present:Xanax, 1 mg. Twice per day
06-01-2008 - 01-21-2009:Lamictal, 150 mg. One time per day
12-23-2008 - Present:Depakote XR Double, 1500 mg. Once in early morning hours
06-01-2008 - Present:Xanax, 1 mg. Twice per day
06-01-2008 - 01-21-2009:Lamictal, 150 mg. One time per day
12-23-2008 - Present:Depakote XR Double, 1500 mg. Once in early morning hours
01-15-2009 - Present:Ambien, 5 mg. one @ night
06-01-2008 - Present:Xanax, 1 mg. Twice per day
12-23-2008 - Present:Depakote XR Double, 1500 mg. Once in early morning hours
01-15-2009 - Present:Ambien, 5 mg. one @ night
01-21-2009 - Present:Lamictal, 200 mg. Once a day

It is always darkest before the dawn.

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