Hi there... Depression finally got me.

Hi everyone. I really don't know how to start. First of all, I apologize for my lame English. I'm not a native speaker so please bear with me (that's also why my medication may not sound common). I've always been dealing with some kind of depression or "constant sadness" or "in-satisfaction" as I used to call it, but I was never diagnosed til past January when I got my electroencephalogram results from my first psychiatrist and neurologist. I have some sort of dysfunction in the front lobe that was causing my extreme anxiety (accompanied with panic attacks), my irritability and my "moderate" depression (as I used to think). At the end, the doctor ended giving me Cymbalta which actually worked pretty well, make me more active (hyper I would even say) and "happy". I didn't have much of side effects, maybe for a week or so, but then it was smooth, 60 mg per day, I was okay with it until I got sick wit tifoid and influenza and had to suspend Cymbalta cold turkey which made things much worst. I became severely depressed and my interest in my job and daily life dropped radically. Then I visited another psychiatrist who was able to explain to me the results and effects of my electroencephalogram in more detail. I felt confident and I accepted the change of medication because he told me it will be much gentle with me (and females in general). He put me on Pristiq with an initial dosage of 50 mg per day and Gabapentin of 300 mg per day. Again, side effects weren't that bad, it took a week for the medication to install but I actually didn't feel any major changes in my mood. Gabapentin did help me a lot with my insomnia and lowered my level of stress at night. I sleep much better now but somehow, even when I sleep 8 hours, I feel tired during the day. Well, I recently got back to my doctor because I had a panic attack and felt more depressed than before and he ended putting me on Pristiq (100 mg per day), Gabapentin (300 mg per day) and Depakote (500 mg per day).

I have to say I was very reluctant to take Pristiq at first because after the withdrawal symptoms I experienced with Cymbalta, I was afraid enough to try another antidepresant, but I also want to get better and I thought I needed to give it a try. Now I'm pretty scared because he had to increase the dosage and I'm becoming anxious only with the thought of quitting it and getting side withdrawal effects.

In addition, I'm extremely reluctant to take the Depakote because of the weight gain. I suffered from an ED for 6 years and I still suffer from the phantoms of my past. It will kill me, the weight gain, y'know? I told this to the doctor and he told me that I needed to stop overthinking (another mania/compulsive behavior I suffer from) and give it a try. I really don't know what to think, I have been reading a lot of reviews about Depakote and it seems it isn't that gentle and that side effects can be unbearable. Any experiences on this?

I really really want to get through this but I'm so scared of the cons of taking antidepressants and so that I suddenly want to stop the treatment.

I hope you can give me your honest opinion on this matter. Thanks.

My new doc wanted me to go on depakote, but I had the same concerns as you do Im already overweight. She let me stay on what I was taking. If you have concerns go back to the doc and don't let them brush you off.

I would see if they would consider another medication for you. I am on a mood stabilizer (Lithium) and it has really helped me. You could research different mood stabilizers and see if he will put you on one of them instead of the depakote.

Good luck

I've been on antidepressants for many years. I have major depressive disorder and my meds work well for about 3 years then they weaken and I usually have to switch to something else. I've had trouble coming off of some and felt awful...the trick is to do it really really slowly. I'm at the point where Pristiq isn't working that well but we're increasing the dose to see if that helps. If it doesn't I'll have to switch to something else. God willing, I will always be on anti-depressants because they make my life livable. Without meds my thinking spirals down too far to get out of the darkness. With antidepressants I've had a good life. I believe I would have tried suicide if I didn't have medication. They are worth the hassle that can sometimes come with taking them.
Best of luck to you-

Hi Echoes of me,

When I read you saying your doctor told you to stop overthinking, I paused. I would have been very up set if someone told me my concerns about medication and weight gain were "overthinking."

I suffer from an eating disorder too but my therapist has been really cool about letting me talk about it.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with withdrawal symptoms. That sucks. However, you mentioned that you are even more depressed when off medication. So am I. When I don't take my mood stabilizers I have terrible mixed episodes with really awful depression.

Just remember, you are in charge of your recovery. Don't let anyone coerce you into a treatment that you don't want.