Great news!!!

My 5th grandbaby was born today at 2:25pm, his name is Aiden Cole and he weighed 7 poundds, 10 ounces. I can't wait till I get to see him, Gammy is so proud, well I am of all of them and they are so special to me, even if I don't get to see them that often. My oldest one, Breanna came home from being at her daddy's in Kentucky, she stayed the whole summer, and my daughter brought her and her brother Bryson over yesterday and stayed awhile. This made me so happy to get to see all of them and they finally spent some time with me. I told my daughter that I wish she would do this, and her brother every once in awhile, I don't care if it is once a month for a couple of hours, and I don't think I am asking a whole lot. But of course my daughter had all her usual excuses. But I just did not let her get to me, I was having so much fun. It made me so happy, and now my new grandbaby, I am so exstatic I just don't know what to do. I have made a few calls to tell people, but I am having to let my phone charge, it

Hey everybody, I didn't get to finish my post yesterday cause my son called and told me I could go to the hospital and see my new grandbaby, so I just cut it off. Aiden is so beautiful, he has a head full of hair, and he has the longest toes, I told him that his toes was almost as long as Gammy's. It was so nice to get to hold him and hug and kiss him, he is soooo precious. I got to make some more calls today to tell them about the new baby. Yes, I have to brag about my little one, I think all parents and grandparents do the same thing. Thank you all for taking time to read this, it means alot to me and I hope I get to hear some replys from some of you too. Bye-Bye

Congrats Truth,

I'm so happy for you! Maybe now that they've had the baby you'll get more of a chance to see them by helping out. All my sisters & brothers have relied heavily on my retired mother after each child was born. She's a retired MD so I was worried that @ 71yrs she would be really depressed ( bipolar runs on her side of the family - unipolar depression on my Dads ) w/nothing to do BUT she has almost 20 grandchildren! I'm so happy I was wrong about that.

ALSO Its good that you said something to your daughter about spending more time w/you. 7 or 8 months ago when I was the most depressed I ever could remember, Mom asked me to come around more often. Probably bc some of my family members thought I was going to die soon BUT mostly bc I have a tendency to isolate & not return phone calls when extremely depressed.

I was the last to know I had a mental illness ( MI ) & her asking me to come by more made my getting help possible in the end. Oh yeah, I been meaning to let you know that a BP1 dx = bipolar type1 diagnosis Although some might think it = borderline personality disorder ( BPD )

CONGRATULATIONS again! I hope it makes you happy for awhile to come

lyman

lyman, thank you so much for being happy for me, I' glad someone is. It is so good to hear from you. I don't know if I will be able to help them out very often, I went over to their house yesterday and I took Addy,4 and Austin, almost 2 outsided for a little bit, Austin wanted his daddy. Travis was weedeating, so I told Austin he had to stay on the porch, Addy was blowing bubbles so I told him to catch the bubbles, and he loved it. Anyway, I didn't watch them outside but about a hour, I played with them inside for about 1 hour. I was hurting all over my body, my nerves were frayed and all I wanted to do was come home. So it wasn't about 30 minutes then I came home. I got to hold little Aiden, he is so precious and little, but then again all babies are. Yes, I loved it, playing with them, seeing them, etc. But my health just can't take it.. I will do what I can, but I know that now I always have to put my health first. When kids get to screaming and squalwing, etc. I just can't take it anymore. I have always loved kids & being around them. But now my nerves just can't take stuff anymore. And it breaks my heart, but there is nothing I can do about it. Oh, my granddaughter Breanna may be spending the night with me tomorrow and then go with me to the babyshower Sunday, I really hope so, she is 8 and she was my first grandbaby, I love all 5 of them the same, but Breanna is my special Breanna, but I told her I don't love her more than the others, she is my special Breanna because she was my 1st one. Now her I can deal with, she is no trouble. She's like a grownup. She is way too mature for her age. We always have fun together. What is unipolar? I've never heard of that. That is so great that your mom is able to watch her grandkids. Lyman, do you have any kids? You may have already told me, I just can't remember anything most of the time. I am so glad that you do get out and go some. I isolate too, so my therapist stays on me alot about it. She is constantly saying, did you go out over the weekend? Are you starting to socilize more. At times she gets on my nerves by doing this but she also knows that if I don't want to or if I don't feel like it, that I am not going no where. She just worries about me and I know that, I love her to death. But she does not want me to get back to where I won't take phone calls from no one, not see anyone, cancel my appointments. But, dammit what am I suppose to do when I am so depressed or when I can't function and I do not know what is going on? I don't do this on purpose, I didn't ask for all these health problems, just like you or anybody else did either. Can I ask you something? Have you ever tried to kill yourself? Are you a sucidial person? When you answer this, I will get into that. Thanks for telling me what it means. You know I just feel like the biggest dummy at times, but I don't know where you live, but I live in South Carolina, and they are some real stupid people around here. I think they all live around here. At least when I come across em', then I feel so smart.Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha. I can't help it, that is so funny to me. People ask me such stupid questions, and I got tired of it so I just started giving them stupid answers and then say "duh" I'll give you just a few that "The Crazies" my family used to ask me, when I was using a wheel chair, or walking with a walker, at times I was paralized and couldn't move- okay, are you ready? 1-Martha, why do you want to fall all the time? Because livin in pain feels so good and the broken bones I just can't get enough of, so when I fall and get hurt, I love the pain it feels so good. "duh" 2-Martha, why do you want to go to doctors all the time? - Because I love them takin my legs and jerking them around and slinging me, and all those big long needles they love to ram in to me and have no mercy on me, I love it, the pain feels so good hell I wish I could go every day -"duh" 3 - Martha, why do you want to take so many pills? Because I love eating pills & if I could afford illegal drugs I would do them to. "duh" I would never do illegal drugs for anything, but now do you understand what I am talking about? Lyman, thank you for everything, I will be waiting to hear from you again soon I hope. If you get lonely, hollar at me, I'm here for you. *HUGS* to you from me. Upsi-daisy, I forgot to tell you, I just got off the phone with a girl that I made friends with, and it sure is nice to have a friend again, I have to get ready, she wants us to go out, so I guess I am going. I think I"ll drink 1 or 2? we''ll see. I really just want to stay home, I'm tired because my sleep has been off for awhile. But she wants me to go so bad and she has been awfully depressed this week, so I gotta go so I can get her out of her state right now. Let me go and I will talk to you soon. Take care of yourself, if I karaoke tonight, I don't know what I'll sing but I will dedicate it to you. I don't know what music you like or songs, but Lamar this will have to do untill you tell me more about yourself and I get to know you better. *HUG* and smoochies to you.

Hi Martha,

I'm 43yrs old, single ( marriage annulled ), no kids yet...I have like more than 15 nieces & nephews though...unfortunately most of them are in California...I live in Orem, Utah.

Unipolar depre3ssion means ONLY depressed w/no mania. I've never been directly suicidal that I can remember...when I was much younger I self harmed...I have put myself in harm's way during manic episodes & have ended up in jails & institutions bc of manic episodes.

I have to go now - will talk w/you again later...Have fun!

lyman

Hey Lyman, it is so good to hear from you again. I love talking to you, you are a smart man and you really help me and I thank you so much for that. As I told you before, you are only 5 years younger than me. If you don't mind me asking? How long were you married? and what was it annulled for? You don't have to answer these questions if you don't want to, I just like finding out all I can about people, as time goes on and I get to talking to them more, so I can get to know you more. It's okay Lyman, go ahead and call me nosey-Ha-Ha-Ha, hey we all have to have a little fun and I need to find things to make me laugh as much as I can. Boy oh boy, do you have a slew of nieces and nephews, heck you can just adopt a few of them to be your kids, ha-ha-ha. Thanks for explaining the mania for me, I had asked my therapist also what it meant, and no wonder I am always all over the place. But this is really starting to get on my nerves and drive me crazy. I can't stand it always feeling like I am on a rollercoaster, up and down and all over the place, this life sucks. I am so glad you have never been sucidal and I hope you never get to that place, it is awful, scary, just to name a few. When you put yourself in harm's way - was all of this before you started going to doctors and put on meds? Have you got all your jail time, probations, fines, etc. all paid up and out of the way? Just remember to take it one day at a time, go slowly, it's like taking baby steps. You know what? I can give some good advice at times, but why can't I take my own advice? Is this stupid of me or what? I get so frustrated at so much, I have to scream and rant and rave a lot, I do this to try to keep myself out of trouble. Sorry I'm putting my problems on you, I woke up, my back and wrist and hand is killing me, My back is hurting so bad I can hardly walk today. A lot of good these pain pills do at times like this, it's like I might as well be taking a piece of candy instead of the pain pill, since it's not touching my pain. Please stay in touch with me, I enjoy talking to you, and I would like to consider you a friend if that is okay with you? *HUGS* to you, from me. I will talk to you later, I have to go. Bye-Bye, oh, not much longer and I will talk to you about a nickname I want to call you. later gator, after while crocodile Have a great day, if you need me just hollar at me

Hi Truth,

I was only married for less than a year thats why we were able to get it annulled. She started the process while I was serving a county year sentence. We were together for almost ten years. After I proposed things started to get hairy - I was in what I think was the worst manic episode of my life.

I actually think going to jail probably saved my life the way I was spiraling out of control. Sad thing is that it was probably the best thing for her BUT I have a hard time believing I'll find love like that again. For some reason I still think about having children w/the right woman & I'm 43!

Being on felony probation for 5yrs helped me to keep out of trouble to some degree. I hated not being able to smoke weed. I think it really does help some people w/our condition...The sad thing is you can do much harder drugs & get away w/it when you have to test every other week & you can drink alcohol, which is what landed me in jail to begin with! I got a felony DUI.

Anyway the missing piece of the puzzle in my life has been the recent Bipolar diagnosis...Depakote made me realize that I had become totally manic. I always thought it was normal even though I occasionally noticed that most folks didn't act the way I did.

So its like I'm starting all over again. I'm enrolled in one class at Utah Valley University & Vocational Rehabilitation is supposed to pay for my schooling. Don't know if they will since I'm only taking one class & I didn't get financial aid to boot. I feel outta place being so much older than most students. I'm also not to savvy w/the internet stuff & my class is an internet course. I feel inadequate but know its not really true.

At least I have a sense of purpose that has been missing for the past 10yrs

Gotta go my ride is here...

Hey Lyman, sorry it has took me so long to get back to you, to much crap going on, and I went from manic to being depressed, so I haven't been on here for awhile. Hell I didn't even do my daily moods. Well, since your marriage was annulled, then you can start over with a clean slate. I think if she had truely loved you she wouldn't have done this to you in your time of need. Why is it if you love someone so hard with everything you have, they leave you? I cracked up, and the love of my life just wouldn't forgive me, which I can't and never will get over him. I love him so much and miss him so much, it just ain't fair. My therapist told me that it was not me that caused the end of our relationship, that he had really started leaving me slowly at a time long before this happened to me, and the more I thought about it, she is so right, it was his fault. But I know I am 48 and people tell me that I am too young to do what I say which is - I will not have another man, another relationship what so ever. I cannot and will not go thru my heart being ripped out again. So I choose to live my life alone. I was married twice, and the same thing happened to me - life was great with them until I made the mistake of marrying them. People change so much. I don't trust no one anymore, I keep my guard up, I won't even get close to just a friend, and I sure am not close to my family, they are crazy, but I put a stop finally to them driveing me crazy. I will not take their crap any more. I was put under doctor's orders - no stress, it took a while to get it thru their thick skulls, I will not be around their fussing, fighting, gossiping, drama, nothing anymore. So I stay away from them. They are big time triggers for me, so it has to be this way. You will find true love and have kids, just wait and see, and it will happen when you are not looking for it. Depakote made me have crazy voices in my head, they had to get me off of that stuff in a hurry. Don't go by how other people act or do, you are not them, you are your on special person. Congratulations on going back to school. What are you planning on becoming? I wish you all the best. Don't feel out of place with the younger students, guess what? You being older than them you have more life experience than they do, so you really know more than they do. I know school is great, but life is where you learn more than you can ever learn in a book. If savvy means you are not good with the internet, then just keep practing and you'll get it. I can't do alot of stuff on computers, but it's enough for me. I am so glad that you finally admitted you have a purpose. So see your new life is already starting out so great. I wish you the best in school and life. Keep your chin held up high and just go full speed ahead. Oh when you find the right woman and get married, invite me to the wedding. I want to be able to tell you that I told you so okay? Ha-Ha=Ha, here's some *HUGS* for you to hold on to until you find your perfect soul mate. Love ya, Martha