Before My Diagnosis

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dragongirl
March 27, 2012 - 9:58 am
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dragongirl
Total Posts: 39
Joined: 05-27-2011
Before I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 my physician and counsellor actually suspected it might be Borderline Personality Disorder.

Where you ever misdiagnosed? how long did it take for a diagnosis?


(also, thanks for this space I'm sure it will be very helpful to our friends here who do have or are curious about Borderline).



Medications for February 26, 2012 to March 27, 2012
04-04-2011 - Present:Seroquel XR, 150 mg.1x daily @ 8:30pm

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dragongirl
dragongirl
March 27, 2012 - 9:58 am
Before I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 my physician and counsellor actually suspected it might be Borderline Personality Disorder.

Where you ever misdiagnosed? how long did it take for a diagnosis?


(also, thanks for this space I'm sure it will be very helpful to our friends here who do have or are curious about Borderline).



Medications for February 26, 2012 to March 27, 2012
04-04-2011 - Present:Seroquel XR, 150 mg.1x daily @ 8:30pm

scorpion
March 27, 2012 - 11:16 am
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scorpion
Total Posts: 82
Joined: 10-14-2011
My latest diagnosis (there have been one or two) is bi polar 2 and borderline. I suffer from intense low mood, anger beyond belief but directed mostly inward. I am very easily wounded by comments by others even those seemingly benign. I can be suicidally depressed (most of time) yet unable to sit still or rest at all. I will be anxious and agitated with my mind going at hundred miles an hour. I see and hear what I call daymares when horrible things happen. I plan and with for suicide almost constantly but am stopped by my love of my family. I have been ill or at least showing symptoms since childhood, first hospitalisation at age 19. I have lost count of the therapies and medications tried. Latest and seemingly most sensible diagnosis about 6 months ago...I am now 40!



Medications for February 26, 2012 to March 27, 2012
02-27-2012 - Present:Clomazapam , 2mg.At night
01-19-2012 - Present:Docusate sodium, 200 mg.Take at night
01-19-2012 - Present:Motilium, 10 mg.3 times daily before meals
01-08-2012 - Present:Multi vitamin, 1 mg.1 a day
12-11-2011 - Present:Nitrazepam, 5 mg.If needed
11-14-2011 - Present:Evening primrose oil capsules, 500 mg.2 taken 3 times daily
11-08-2011 - Present:Lamotrigine, 200 total.4 in morning and 4 at night
01-19-2012 - Present:Docusate sodium, 200 mg.Take at night
01-19-2012 - Present:Motilium, 10 mg.3 times daily before meals
01-08-2012 - Present:Multi vitamin, 1 mg.1 a day
12-11-2011 - Present:Nitrazepam, 5 mg.If needed
11-14-2011 - Present:Evening primrose oil capsules, 500 mg.2 taken 3 times daily
11-08-2011 - Present:Lamotrigine, 200 total.4 in morning and 4 at night

Scorpion
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scorpion
scorpion
March 27, 2012 - 11:16 am
My latest diagnosis (there have been one or two) is bi polar 2 and borderline. I suffer from intense low mood, anger beyond belief but directed mostly inward. I am very easily wounded by comments by others even those seemingly benign. I can be suicidally depressed (most of time) yet unable to sit still or rest at all. I will be anxious and agitated with my mind going at hundred miles an hour. I see and hear what I call daymares when horrible things happen. I plan and with for suicide almost constantly but am stopped by my love of my family. I have been ill or at least showing symptoms since childhood, first hospitalisation at age 19. I have lost count of the therapies and medications tried. Latest and seemingly most sensible diagnosis about 6 months ago...I am now 40!



Medications for February 26, 2012 to March 27, 2012
02-27-2012 - Present:Clomazapam , 2mg.At night
01-19-2012 - Present:Docusate sodium, 200 mg.Take at night
01-19-2012 - Present:Motilium, 10 mg.3 times daily before meals
01-08-2012 - Present:Multi vitamin, 1 mg.1 a day
12-11-2011 - Present:Nitrazepam, 5 mg.If needed
11-14-2011 - Present:Evening primrose oil capsules, 500 mg.2 taken 3 times daily
11-08-2011 - Present:Lamotrigine, 200 total.4 in morning and 4 at night
01-19-2012 - Present:Docusate sodium, 200 mg.Take at night
01-19-2012 - Present:Motilium, 10 mg.3 times daily before meals
01-08-2012 - Present:Multi vitamin, 1 mg.1 a day
12-11-2011 - Present:Nitrazepam, 5 mg.If needed
11-14-2011 - Present:Evening primrose oil capsules, 500 mg.2 taken 3 times daily
11-08-2011 - Present:Lamotrigine, 200 total.4 in morning and 4 at night

Scorpion
MtnMama
March 28, 2012 - 9:07 am
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MtnMama
Total Posts: 5
Joined: 03-29-2024
I've been diagnosed, misdiagnosed, re diagnosed...a billion times. It was initially Bipolar Disorder, then it was NOS, then it was Bipolar again, after my hospitalization in 2010 it's Bipolar with Borderline. I wouldn't be surprised if that changes again in the future. I started seeing psychiatrists about 13 years ago - I am now 35 - but had displayed symptoms from a child (just had a very negligent mother that never sought help). I've been to 9 different psychiatrists. It's so difficult for me to distinguish between the borderline and bipolar symptoms - I can never tell what causes what. I think it's hard for the doctors too... I suffer from extreme bouts of rage where I hurt myself and have attacked others (been SOOOO much better under medication management). Haven't had an episode in over a year and a half. Just really bad irritability when I'm about to slap the crap out of anyone in reaching distance.

Sooooo, yeah. Misdiagnosed for years and years. And I'm still not sure any of them really have a clue what's going on with me (having a hard time finding one that really cares). Not only misdiagnosed, but I think I've been on what feels like every pill out there - Depakote, Zyprexa, Wellbutrin, Effexor, Lexapro, Buspar, Seroquel XR, Paxil (which really screwed me up), Prozac, Trileptal, Klonopin, Xanax, Celexa, Lamictal (which made my hair start to fall out), Topomax...to name some.

I just joined this site because my husband and I are ready to have children and it's time to start weaning myself off all my meds. After much, much, much deliberation we are doing this without a psychiatrist. (Trust me I know none of you would ever condone or suggest this - I'm probably going to get a bunch of "gasp - you need to do this with a doctor!!!!" replies). We have created a dosing schedule similar to one they created for me last year when we attempted to go off meds for the same reason. Unfortunately we live in the middle of Kentucky and I have no transportation during the day at this time (hubby has car at work) and we only have one psychiatrist within 45 miles of us (yay Kentucky). Unfortunately, This psychiatrist and I happen to not only not like each other, but pretty much loathe each other - btw do any of you have any psychiatrists that are open during the evening or on weekends? Because there are NONE out here that are - which just doesn't seem very compassionate to me.

Anyway - sorry for my entire rant that probably made no sense whatsoever. Just really happy to be able to talk to someone about this. (We moved from CA to KY just over a year ago and I know no one in this state and don't speak to the majority of my family...so I need to vent sometimes)

Thanks :)



Current medications as of 03-28-2012
04-15-2003 - Present: Pantoprazole SOD DR Tabs, 40 mg. Once in the evening
05-10-2004 - Present: Seroquel Tabs, 200 mg. One time at bedtime
02-10-2010 - Present: Oxcarbazepine, 300 mg. One in the morning, Two at night
03-10-2010 - Present: Fluoxetine HCL Caps, 20 mg. Once in the morning

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MtnMama
MtnMama
March 28, 2012 - 9:07 am
I've been diagnosed, misdiagnosed, re diagnosed...a billion times. It was initially Bipolar Disorder, then it was NOS, then it was Bipolar again, after my hospitalization in 2010 it's Bipolar with Borderline. I wouldn't be surprised if that changes again in the future. I started seeing psychiatrists about 13 years ago - I am now 35 - but had displayed symptoms from a child (just had a very negligent mother that never sought help). I've been to 9 different psychiatrists. It's so difficult for me to distinguish between the borderline and bipolar symptoms - I can never tell what causes what. I think it's hard for the doctors too... I suffer from extreme bouts of rage where I hurt myself and have attacked others (been SOOOO much better under medication management). Haven't had an episode in over a year and a half. Just really bad irritability when I'm about to slap the crap out of anyone in reaching distance.

Sooooo, yeah. Misdiagnosed for years and years. And I'm still not sure any of them really have a clue what's going on with me (having a hard time finding one that really cares). Not only misdiagnosed, but I think I've been on what feels like every pill out there - Depakote, Zyprexa, Wellbutrin, Effexor, Lexapro, Buspar, Seroquel XR, Paxil (which really screwed me up), Prozac, Trileptal, Klonopin, Xanax, Celexa, Lamictal (which made my hair start to fall out), Topomax...to name some.

I just joined this site because my husband and I are ready to have children and it's time to start weaning myself off all my meds. After much, much, much deliberation we are doing this without a psychiatrist. (Trust me I know none of you would ever condone or suggest this - I'm probably going to get a bunch of "gasp - you need to do this with a doctor!!!!" replies). We have created a dosing schedule similar to one they created for me last year when we attempted to go off meds for the same reason. Unfortunately we live in the middle of Kentucky and I have no transportation during the day at this time (hubby has car at work) and we only have one psychiatrist within 45 miles of us (yay Kentucky). Unfortunately, This psychiatrist and I happen to not only not like each other, but pretty much loathe each other - btw do any of you have any psychiatrists that are open during the evening or on weekends? Because there are NONE out here that are - which just doesn't seem very compassionate to me.

Anyway - sorry for my entire rant that probably made no sense whatsoever. Just really happy to be able to talk to someone about this. (We moved from CA to KY just over a year ago and I know no one in this state and don't speak to the majority of my family...so I need to vent sometimes)

Thanks :)



Current medications as of 03-28-2012
04-15-2003 - Present: Pantoprazole SOD DR Tabs, 40 mg. Once in the evening
05-10-2004 - Present: Seroquel Tabs, 200 mg. One time at bedtime
02-10-2010 - Present: Oxcarbazepine, 300 mg. One in the morning, Two at night
03-10-2010 - Present: Fluoxetine HCL Caps, 20 mg. Once in the morning

ArdentDreams
March 29, 2012 - 12:32 am
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ArdentDreams
Total Posts: 671
Joined: 02-09-2010
I just went through another assessment myself with my casemanager. I actually don't know for sure what my current diagnosis is, but from what I see I definitely fit in the borderline personality disorder behaviourly. I took a test awhile back, but the tester thought I was biased to answer in the way I thought someone with BPD would respond. All I did was answer truthfully. I want to be healthy, why in hell would I lie? Anyway I'm going to discuss it with my casemanager again. Although, I've been diagnosed so many different times with all the psychiatrists and psychological staff I have seen over the last 30 years... My whole thing is if I can figure out where I got stuck, maybe I could get myself unstuck. That's why I was happy to see this forum and was hoping people would talk up.

BTW, welcome to Moodtracker MtnMama. Don't worry about ranting, that's part of what theses forums are good for. Most of us have a pretty good grasp of the things you have faced, even the difficulty working with shrinks that don't like you or ones you don't trust. I wish you luck with your current plans and that you and your husband get the healthy baby you want.


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ArdentDreams
ArdentDreams
March 29, 2012 - 12:32 am
I just went through another assessment myself with my casemanager. I actually don't know for sure what my current diagnosis is, but from what I see I definitely fit in the borderline personality disorder behaviourly. I took a test awhile back, but the tester thought I was biased to answer in the way I thought someone with BPD would respond. All I did was answer truthfully. I want to be healthy, why in hell would I lie? Anyway I'm going to discuss it with my casemanager again. Although, I've been diagnosed so many different times with all the psychiatrists and psychological staff I have seen over the last 30 years... My whole thing is if I can figure out where I got stuck, maybe I could get myself unstuck. That's why I was happy to see this forum and was hoping people would talk up.

BTW, welcome to Moodtracker MtnMama. Don't worry about ranting, that's part of what theses forums are good for. Most of us have a pretty good grasp of the things you have faced, even the difficulty working with shrinks that don't like you or ones you don't trust. I wish you luck with your current plans and that you and your husband get the healthy baby you want.


MtnMama
March 29, 2012 - 5:47 am
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MtnMama
Total Posts: 5
Joined: 03-29-2024
Thank you so much for the welcome, ArdentOne! It's much appreciated. :)

I notice that Bipolar and BPD are often confused for one another - or diagnosed hand in hand. I agree that it would be so much easier to tackle my issues if I had a really firm grasp of what it is my diagnosis is. But the changing/conflicting diagnosis makes it extremely hard to know which areas you need to work on. Frustrating to say the least, and makes you feel like you are just going in circles.

As far as the psychiatrists....sigh... You know of all the ones I've seen, not one has ever done any official 'testing' on me. I go in, tell them what the problem is, and they hand me a diagnosis and a script. I feel that I could seriously walk in there and tell them I have schizophrenia and they would just take me at my word and write the appropriate script. I'm shocked, ArdentOne, that a provider would think you would fake your answers to be diagnosed with something. Why would anyone want to face the emotional distress, side effects of drugs and social stigmas that are associated with BPD or Bipolar? I am so disillusioned with providers at this point, and very sorry to hear you had an experience like that.

I'm really glad I found these forums and hope to connect with some people that will be able to relate to what I'm going through. I'm wondering if I should comment under the bipolar forum too.... I've just always felt I'm more BPD than Bipolar. The irritability/anger/rage/emotional distress/stress is what is really, really the hardest on me. I feel like compared to that I can handle the hypomanic states. But the anger is pushing those I love very, very far away from me. My mother or grandmother haven't spoken to me in over a year, and I am so very afraid of losing anyone else in my life.

Thanks for listening :)



Current medications as of 03-29-2012
04-15-2003 - Present: Pantoprazole SOD DR Tabs, 40 mg. Once in the evening
05-10-2004 - Present: Seroquel Tabs, 200 mg. One time at bedtime
02-10-2010 - Present: Oxcarbazepine, 300 mg. One in the morning, Two at night
03-10-2010 - Present: Fluoxetine HCL Caps, 20 mg. Once in the morning

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MtnMama
MtnMama
March 29, 2012 - 5:47 am
Thank you so much for the welcome, ArdentOne! It's much appreciated. :)

I notice that Bipolar and BPD are often confused for one another - or diagnosed hand in hand. I agree that it would be so much easier to tackle my issues if I had a really firm grasp of what it is my diagnosis is. But the changing/conflicting diagnosis makes it extremely hard to know which areas you need to work on. Frustrating to say the least, and makes you feel like you are just going in circles.

As far as the psychiatrists....sigh... You know of all the ones I've seen, not one has ever done any official 'testing' on me. I go in, tell them what the problem is, and they hand me a diagnosis and a script. I feel that I could seriously walk in there and tell them I have schizophrenia and they would just take me at my word and write the appropriate script. I'm shocked, ArdentOne, that a provider would think you would fake your answers to be diagnosed with something. Why would anyone want to face the emotional distress, side effects of drugs and social stigmas that are associated with BPD or Bipolar? I am so disillusioned with providers at this point, and very sorry to hear you had an experience like that.

I'm really glad I found these forums and hope to connect with some people that will be able to relate to what I'm going through. I'm wondering if I should comment under the bipolar forum too.... I've just always felt I'm more BPD than Bipolar. The irritability/anger/rage/emotional distress/stress is what is really, really the hardest on me. I feel like compared to that I can handle the hypomanic states. But the anger is pushing those I love very, very far away from me. My mother or grandmother haven't spoken to me in over a year, and I am so very afraid of losing anyone else in my life.

Thanks for listening :)



Current medications as of 03-29-2012
04-15-2003 - Present: Pantoprazole SOD DR Tabs, 40 mg. Once in the evening
05-10-2004 - Present: Seroquel Tabs, 200 mg. One time at bedtime
02-10-2010 - Present: Oxcarbazepine, 300 mg. One in the morning, Two at night
03-10-2010 - Present: Fluoxetine HCL Caps, 20 mg. Once in the morning

helpchange
March 31, 2012 - 9:59 am
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helpchange
Total Posts: 11
Joined: 03-31-2012
Hello, I am new here and although I am technically a Bipolar II, I seem to have more of the sympoms of BPD. I have anger/hostility/stress/rage/manipulation (that I am not even aware of until after the fact)/ argumentative.... the list goes on and on. I am never manic, although I am depressed 95% of the time. I feel like it is easier for me to be angry than it is for me to be sad. Everytime that I lose the hold that I have on anger and I get sad, I feel as though I have fallen into a hole that I will never climb back out of. I am planning on going to get help Monday (I haven't seen a doc since 2005 and am not on meds). It is just nice to find a place where people are like me, I hate being the outcast... I hate being the "crazy girl". :(


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helpchange
helpchange
March 31, 2012 - 9:59 am
Hello, I am new here and although I am technically a Bipolar II, I seem to have more of the sympoms of BPD. I have anger/hostility/stress/rage/manipulation (that I am not even aware of until after the fact)/ argumentative.... the list goes on and on. I am never manic, although I am depressed 95% of the time. I feel like it is easier for me to be angry than it is for me to be sad. Everytime that I lose the hold that I have on anger and I get sad, I feel as though I have fallen into a hole that I will never climb back out of. I am planning on going to get help Monday (I haven't seen a doc since 2005 and am not on meds). It is just nice to find a place where people are like me, I hate being the outcast... I hate being the "crazy girl". :(


ArdentDreams
April 2, 2012 - 10:43 pm
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ArdentDreams
Total Posts: 671
Joined: 02-09-2010
I saw my casemanager today and asked her what my diagnosis was, and she basically told me that I had two. Bipolar and BPD. Not sure what I think of that, but it makes sense.

to helpchange...I know what you mean about the hole, except I got bored in the hole and built a wall around mine. It just that it seems like there is no end to this feeling at times. In my life more often then not I feel this way.


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ArdentDreams
ArdentDreams
April 2, 2012 - 10:43 pm
I saw my casemanager today and asked her what my diagnosis was, and she basically told me that I had two. Bipolar and BPD. Not sure what I think of that, but it makes sense.

to helpchange...I know what you mean about the hole, except I got bored in the hole and built a wall around mine. It just that it seems like there is no end to this feeling at times. In my life more often then not I feel this way.


helpchange
April 4, 2012 - 6:10 am
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helpchange
Total Posts: 11
Joined: 03-31-2012
I am not sure where I can go to get help, I quit my job about three weeks ago in an episode of RAGE because my boss decided to try and embarass me in front of a bunch of people.... probably shouldn't have done that but I knew that if I didn't get away from that situation RIGHT THEN, I was going to do something that would either land me in jail, or in the hospital. My fiance is being very understanding with me, he wants me to get help so that this doesn't ruin our relationship (like it has every other relationship I have ever had). I want to get help, but my insurance just ran out and when I am feeling good I don't want to go see a doc.

QUESTION: Does anyone have Ultra Rapid Cycling? I am off the charts on my cycling... one minute I am happy and then I suddenly snap... I went into a meltdown day before yesterday because my fiance had moved my coffee cup. I didn't even want the damn thing, so I don't know what was going on. Then yesterday I was ecstatic the entire day. I never know when I wake up in the morning what I am going to feel like, or what I am going to do...

@ArdentOne... Thanks for letting me know I am not the "only one" who feels this way. It is so freaking hard sometimes, and for a loooong time, I thought that if I just told myself every day "be happy, don't be mean" it would work. Thing is, it's not working and I'm not sure that it ever did. I don't want to be in the hole, it is ruining my life.



my head aches
my soul bleeds
I'm reaching out to anyone who can help
For all of those that came before and all who will come after, there is life after depression.
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helpchange
helpchange
April 4, 2012 - 6:10 am
I am not sure where I can go to get help, I quit my job about three weeks ago in an episode of RAGE because my boss decided to try and embarass me in front of a bunch of people.... probably shouldn't have done that but I knew that if I didn't get away from that situation RIGHT THEN, I was going to do something that would either land me in jail, or in the hospital. My fiance is being very understanding with me, he wants me to get help so that this doesn't ruin our relationship (like it has every other relationship I have ever had). I want to get help, but my insurance just ran out and when I am feeling good I don't want to go see a doc.

QUESTION: Does anyone have Ultra Rapid Cycling? I am off the charts on my cycling... one minute I am happy and then I suddenly snap... I went into a meltdown day before yesterday because my fiance had moved my coffee cup. I didn't even want the damn thing, so I don't know what was going on. Then yesterday I was ecstatic the entire day. I never know when I wake up in the morning what I am going to feel like, or what I am going to do...

@ArdentOne... Thanks for letting me know I am not the "only one" who feels this way. It is so freaking hard sometimes, and for a loooong time, I thought that if I just told myself every day "be happy, don't be mean" it would work. Thing is, it's not working and I'm not sure that it ever did. I don't want to be in the hole, it is ruining my life.



my head aches
my soul bleeds
I'm reaching out to anyone who can help
For all of those that came before and all who will come after, there is life after depression.
misclee
April 25, 2012 - 7:38 am
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misclee
Total Posts: 161
Joined: 01-07-2011
I'm so glad to be here. It's so nice to hear people who sound just like me. I was dxd with BP2 and though it fit, it didn't fit 100% and so of course I felt like I didn't fit and remained an outcast.

I think for me the hardest part is never knowing how I'm going to feel, and always being aware of how I feel. When in a rage, a sulk, feel good....I can always SEE how I am feeling, but can't change it. When it's good, I am always aware that it won't last. When it's bad, I'm aware of my behavior, but can't do anything to stop it until it runs it's course. It's like watching myself from within. Does that make sense?


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misclee
misclee
April 25, 2012 - 7:38 am
I'm so glad to be here. It's so nice to hear people who sound just like me. I was dxd with BP2 and though it fit, it didn't fit 100% and so of course I felt like I didn't fit and remained an outcast.

I think for me the hardest part is never knowing how I'm going to feel, and always being aware of how I feel. When in a rage, a sulk, feel good....I can always SEE how I am feeling, but can't change it. When it's good, I am always aware that it won't last. When it's bad, I'm aware of my behavior, but can't do anything to stop it until it runs it's course. It's like watching myself from within. Does that make sense?


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