Hi Fellow Friends:
I just found this site today from an A.D.D. site. I am so excited to be here. I have come to the conclusion at 53 (going on 15) that I am a little of all the initials... So my answer to my diagnosis is always "E" - all the above.
BPD was my first diagnosis back in 1983. At that time you didn't talk BPD because insurance didn't cover it and there was no "cure" so they covered me with labels. Bi-Polar is the one that stuck all of these years but I knew all along that the BPD was the problem. I can handle the ups and downs of Bi-Polar because that is mood. But the reactions and reponses to certain, unknown at the time, stimuli sends me off on a tangent. And THAT is the BPD! Which can last minutes, hours and this last week I had an episode that kept me in a childlike anger and pouty sort of mood, literally hiding in my room, for 3 days. I know when I am still there because I want to do childish things. I was mad at my brother so, why not hide the coffee... pour out his beer... etc, etc. And God knows, don't try to reason with me because I ain't gonna listen!!! As far as someone mentioning childhood lifestyles, I have had to move back home and am helping to take care of my mom. This has certainly set everything in a whirl as I am back in the dysfunction of an alcoholic home. And the drinker is the brother I had a fight with... he is 55 and has lived here all of his life. It's been tough!
As mentioned earlier about learned behavior, with all of my reading, counseling, and lack of changing, is now finally understanding when I get set off or triggered, and how to get back out once in that mindset of a learned, unhealthy, patterned response to a behavior. I am now on a mission to learn mindfulness training to be able to stay in the present moment without having what I term a PTSD sort of response that takes me way over the edge in the reaction I have to the action that is going on at that time.
If I can learn this, everyone around me will benefit. For now, I stay isolated with a fear of ??? not ever getting well? Fear and Guilt are my enemies. I was blessed with many gifts that get wasted as I rot in a room. :-) I pray my butt gets out of bed and again... I start this journey to recovery. Being ADD I can not imagine me keeping a mood tracker but what an awesome tool... I hope to use it. And with you all, get though this sideline life issue that keeps me from living a life of freedom and joy.
Thanks for listening... well, reading,,, I hope I will be back.
Carol
How funny, the defeated perfectionist in me just went back to reread my post and edit it. That alone will cause me to obsess and might take me an hour so it may make no sense but I will make myself post it and stop now before I try to do it PERFECT... Sorry if it makes no sense... lol
btw initial writer.... Cool chart, good job keeping track. I really think DBT therapy is the way to go for BPD... imho :) blessings .....
Okay so I did go back... O.C.D. has definitely found a place in my list. And impulsiveness is a huge one too... I probably made it worse...
and... one more time? I really went through it one more time? Just being honest with you folk... lol Yes... I really did!
Joined: 04-05-2011