20 with BPD

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IraBlack20
July 16, 2013 - 5:38 pm
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IraBlack20
Total Posts: 1
Joined: 07-16-2013
I'm 20 years old and since I was sixteen my parents and doctors said I had signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. After I graduated high school I moved on my own, never thought about BPD again. Until today when I was on the phone with my mom and she mentioned it, I went to research about it, I found out that all the symptoms and thinking processing was exactly who I am. Granted I watch myself when it comes to drugs, food, and my personal relationships. I don't want this to affect me in anyway. I want to feel like I am normal, even though I feel so different from everyone I meet. I hold jobs I don't spend money fast, I budget and make sure my bills are paid. But when it comes to the abandonment I freeze up, I can't deal with breakups, I usually throw myself into another relationship to get rid of the feelings. I use to eat all the time, but I have learned to control that. Losing myself In my mind is what I am known for, some one says something that triggers and a memory and I'm gone. Most of the time I don't even notice I'm not in reality but in my mind. My biggest fear is I have finally pulled everything together in my life. I have an amazing relationship with my mom, I have met the love of my life, but I don't want to push them away or loose them. I don't know if I can control my BPD on my own or if I should get the medical help. But when I look back to being sixteen, everyday I would cut or try to kill myself. The last time I tried to end my life, I had take over 160 pills and was in a coma for 2 weeks. I woke up and I felt different. I took control over my life, I didn't allow myself to cut, or try to harm myself in other ways. However, I always have those thoughts when I get to stressed or I feel betrayed. I did have great trauma growing up, mother leaving me, watching my parent's shoot up drugs until I was almost fourteen, being homeless never really having food, plenty of sexual abuse. I just want to be completely done with my past. I guess I just wanna know that this will not ruin my future family, that I can control this and live with it. If anyone had advice for a newbie to BPD plz give it to me. I am all eyes.
Thank you


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IraBlack20
IraBlack20
July 16, 2013 - 5:38 pm
I'm 20 years old and since I was sixteen my parents and doctors said I had signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. After I graduated high school I moved on my own, never thought about BPD again. Until today when I was on the phone with my mom and she mentioned it, I went to research about it, I found out that all the symptoms and thinking processing was exactly who I am. Granted I watch myself when it comes to drugs, food, and my personal relationships. I don't want this to affect me in anyway. I want to feel like I am normal, even though I feel so different from everyone I meet. I hold jobs I don't spend money fast, I budget and make sure my bills are paid. But when it comes to the abandonment I freeze up, I can't deal with breakups, I usually throw myself into another relationship to get rid of the feelings. I use to eat all the time, but I have learned to control that. Losing myself In my mind is what I am known for, some one says something that triggers and a memory and I'm gone. Most of the time I don't even notice I'm not in reality but in my mind. My biggest fear is I have finally pulled everything together in my life. I have an amazing relationship with my mom, I have met the love of my life, but I don't want to push them away or loose them. I don't know if I can control my BPD on my own or if I should get the medical help. But when I look back to being sixteen, everyday I would cut or try to kill myself. The last time I tried to end my life, I had take over 160 pills and was in a coma for 2 weeks. I woke up and I felt different. I took control over my life, I didn't allow myself to cut, or try to harm myself in other ways. However, I always have those thoughts when I get to stressed or I feel betrayed. I did have great trauma growing up, mother leaving me, watching my parent's shoot up drugs until I was almost fourteen, being homeless never really having food, plenty of sexual abuse. I just want to be completely done with my past. I guess I just wanna know that this will not ruin my future family, that I can control this and live with it. If anyone had advice for a newbie to BPD plz give it to me. I am all eyes.
Thank you


artista
July 30, 2013 - 4:14 pm
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artista
Total Posts: 868
Joined: 06-12-2011
Sorry that this site does not get that much attention. I do not have BPD, but most people with bipolar have a few borderline traits so I can relate to some of what you are saying. It sounds to me like you are a very strong person. You have managed to help yourself a great deal. What could really make you feel better or more certain about yourself is seeing a therapist--do you have health insurance that might cover this? I would recommend some great books on BPD, but it might only cause you to ruminate too much on the topic. Just know that if you really do have BPD, and I would not be so certain that you do, there is a lot of hope. You may instead have PTSD, which can also lead one to cut, want to commit suicide and the like. I know that firsthand. Remember you are strong, have endured a lot, and seem plenty smart. I bet you will be able to put your past where it belongs and move on to a great life.


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artista
artista
July 30, 2013 - 4:14 pm
Sorry that this site does not get that much attention. I do not have BPD, but most people with bipolar have a few borderline traits so I can relate to some of what you are saying. It sounds to me like you are a very strong person. You have managed to help yourself a great deal. What could really make you feel better or more certain about yourself is seeing a therapist--do you have health insurance that might cover this? I would recommend some great books on BPD, but it might only cause you to ruminate too much on the topic. Just know that if you really do have BPD, and I would not be so certain that you do, there is a lot of hope. You may instead have PTSD, which can also lead one to cut, want to commit suicide and the like. I know that firsthand. Remember you are strong, have endured a lot, and seem plenty smart. I bet you will be able to put your past where it belongs and move on to a great life.


BearLodge
August 9, 2013 - 10:20 am
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BearLodge
Total Posts: 1
Joined: 06-10-2013
There is no medication for BPD. I know. I have had this since I was a small child and am now 51 years old. You are doing the right things as far as staying away from drugs, eating right, etc. However, if you really want to keep a handle on this it needs therapy. The one that is scientifically shown to be the most effective is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). If you can find DBT in your area it is very helpful to regulate the thinking, abandonment and emotional havoc.


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BearLodge
BearLodge
August 9, 2013 - 10:20 am
There is no medication for BPD. I know. I have had this since I was a small child and am now 51 years old. You are doing the right things as far as staying away from drugs, eating right, etc. However, if you really want to keep a handle on this it needs therapy. The one that is scientifically shown to be the most effective is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). If you can find DBT in your area it is very helpful to regulate the thinking, abandonment and emotional havoc.


persistence
September 2, 2013 - 11:47 am
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persistence
Total Posts: 1532
Joined: 08-11-2012
I concur with everything Castillo said above. Whether you have BPD or PTSD, it's worth getting some professional help with it and joining one or more support groups.

I think a lot about things that happened to or with me 20 years ago and I automatically think, 'I hate myself!', sometimes without even being aware of what I was thinking about that spurred the thought.

One of my psychiatrists says that I can't have BPD because I move from one country and social group to another on a few months notice, leaving friends behind, while people with BPD hate to let go of anyone.

P.


I'd rather have a frontal lobotomy than a bottle in front of me.
Spam? Offensive?
persistence
persistence
September 2, 2013 - 11:47 am
I concur with everything Castillo said above. Whether you have BPD or PTSD, it's worth getting some professional help with it and joining one or more support groups.

I think a lot about things that happened to or with me 20 years ago and I automatically think, 'I hate myself!', sometimes without even being aware of what I was thinking about that spurred the thought.

One of my psychiatrists says that I can't have BPD because I move from one country and social group to another on a few months notice, leaving friends behind, while people with BPD hate to let go of anyone.

P.


I'd rather have a frontal lobotomy than a bottle in front of me.

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