Struggling with my BPD
Warning: The messages in this forum are the personal views and opinions of individuals. NEVER act on any advice or opinion posted in this forum without FIRST checking with your personal physician! Mood Tracker Web Media, LLC is not obligated to check forum postings for accuracy nor does it endorse the opinions of any person using the forum.
April 9, 2014 - 8:39 am
Life has been really difficult for me every since I got my diagnosis for Borderline Personality Disorder. I just feel so hopeless and like nothing is going to get better and this is just the way that I am always going to be. I feel like it is almost impossible for me to ever change because I have been this way for all of my life. Last night I told my best friend that I have been trying to push her away so that I don't hurt her. And I told her i'm trying to shut myself out from all my friends. What kind of person does that? I feel like such a horrible friend and person. I just want people to go away so that I can't get hurt, but at the same time I want them to stay and never go away. I just don't want to feel any pain anymore. And I just don't know what to do anymore.
Life has been really difficult for me every since I got my diagnosis for Borderline Personality Disorder. I just feel so hopeless and like nothing is going to get better and this is just the way that I am always going to be. I feel like it is almost impossible for me to ever change because I have been this way for all of my life. Last night I told my best friend that I have been trying to push her away so that I don't hurt her. And I told her i'm trying to shut myself out from all my friends. What kind of person does that? I feel like such a horrible friend and person. I just want people to go away so that I can't get hurt, but at the same time I want them to stay and never go away. I just don't want to feel any pain anymore. And I just don't know what to do anymore.
April 26, 2014 - 5:27 pm
Total Posts: 161
Joined: 01-07-2011
Joined: 01-07-2011
Sorry no one replied to you. Hope you are doing a little better. For me, "extreme measures to avoid abandonment," also includes keeping people out of my life. 1. so I don't hurt them and 2. so they can't leave me or die. It's just safer for me. Lonely though. Truth is, I don't know what to do with people when I have them in my life. Like a child being given an alien toy with 10,000 pieces. All I can feel is that I just don't know where to start and what to do between the time I start until the time I put it all together. Sigh. Wish I had something more enlightening to share.
Sorry no one replied to you. Hope you are doing a little better. For me, "extreme measures to avoid abandonment," also includes keeping people out of my life. 1. so I don't hurt them and 2. so they can't leave me or die. It's just safer for me. Lonely though. Truth is, I don't know what to do with people when I have them in my life. Like a child being given an alien toy with 10,000 pieces. All I can feel is that I just don't know where to start and what to do between the time I start until the time I put it all together. Sigh. Wish I had something more enlightening to share.
Joined: 03-18-2014