Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder

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Sparkle1404
March 18, 2015 - 11:44 am
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Sparkle1404
Total Posts: 3
Joined: 03-18-2015
Hi, my name is Kim-Michelle, I am 25 years old (soon to be 26), I have a 2 year old daughter, and a 5 year old step son. I have known my partner for 10 years, and officially been together for 2.5 years. I have recently had the diagnosis of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder with PTSD. I think that I am relieved in one way, as I feel as though now I finally not labelled with the 'depression- you will be fine in a few days' label. I am on daily medication of Anti Psychotics and an Anti Depressant, but still feel as though my mood is very unstable. I am very irritable and have an extremely low attention span, I just feel like reverting into myself, as I feel as though the only person that I can trust to be there for me, is myself, as no one else seems to understand me, or want to understand me, which leaves me feeling alone, confused, neglected, unwanted, un-cared about.
I just don't feel as though I have anything to say to those around me anymore, they say 'why are you so upset' my answer, because I am severely depressed. 'why can't you ever be happy with me' because I don't feel loved or wanted by you.. ' well that's just silly, I do love and want you' ....'well if you do then I am sorry I don't feel it and haven't for a while now'- then things just spark into an argument...so a complete waste of time, as they are clearly not interested in me and my feelings, otherwise they would try and help me in any way that they can....
So many reverting into myself is the only way I am going to find happiness, as I have already let everyone else down, I can't let myself down anymore than I already have!

I honestly do not know what else to say...
I feel so alone, unattractive, unwanted, un-cared about, left behind, forgotten, abandoned... depressed, upset, hurt, a failure, disappointed.... all in one... :( my heart is breaking!

Anyway, thank you for listening, I really appreciate it...
Sorry for going on, sometimes the feelings just pour out...

Kind Regards,
Hope some one replies soon
Kim-Michelle :) x


Spam? Offensive?
Sparkle1404
Sparkle1404
March 18, 2015 - 11:44 am
Hi, my name is Kim-Michelle, I am 25 years old (soon to be 26), I have a 2 year old daughter, and a 5 year old step son. I have known my partner for 10 years, and officially been together for 2.5 years. I have recently had the diagnosis of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder with PTSD. I think that I am relieved in one way, as I feel as though now I finally not labelled with the 'depression- you will be fine in a few days' label. I am on daily medication of Anti Psychotics and an Anti Depressant, but still feel as though my mood is very unstable. I am very irritable and have an extremely low attention span, I just feel like reverting into myself, as I feel as though the only person that I can trust to be there for me, is myself, as no one else seems to understand me, or want to understand me, which leaves me feeling alone, confused, neglected, unwanted, un-cared about.
I just don't feel as though I have anything to say to those around me anymore, they say 'why are you so upset' my answer, because I am severely depressed. 'why can't you ever be happy with me' because I don't feel loved or wanted by you.. ' well that's just silly, I do love and want you' ....'well if you do then I am sorry I don't feel it and haven't for a while now'- then things just spark into an argument...so a complete waste of time, as they are clearly not interested in me and my feelings, otherwise they would try and help me in any way that they can....
So many reverting into myself is the only way I am going to find happiness, as I have already let everyone else down, I can't let myself down anymore than I already have!

I honestly do not know what else to say...
I feel so alone, unattractive, unwanted, un-cared about, left behind, forgotten, abandoned... depressed, upset, hurt, a failure, disappointed.... all in one... :( my heart is breaking!

Anyway, thank you for listening, I really appreciate it...
Sorry for going on, sometimes the feelings just pour out...

Kind Regards,
Hope some one replies soon
Kim-Michelle :) x


bawbcat
March 22, 2015 - 8:18 am
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bawbcat
Total Posts: 18
Joined: 03-23-2012
Hi there Sparkle-Kim-Michelle

It's OK to talk about things here. It seems like the place for it. I know from another post that you have endured abuse so no wonder you have PTSD. I didn't realize you're a mom to 2 kids! That's such a big job - and it is often thankless.

It is hard to have any illness and so many people don't understand mental illness. It is confusing and scary for most people. I really don't tell people close to me too much because it seems very confusing & off-putting. I have found there is more support and understanding in online forums. I am very lucky to have a therapist who understands and is very helpful. Do you have access to therapy? If you get a good therapist it can be very useful.

You are right - this stuff can be very isolating and it's hard to know where to go with the bad feelings we have. I don't have BPD (as far as I know) but I understand life can be very difficult with it.

What sort of things would help you feel a bit better? It sounds like you need fewer words about how much people care about you & more actions that show it. Is that right or maybe I am misunderstanding? I know what is meaningful for people is very individual.

I hope you will have a better day today,

bawbcat




Spam? Offensive?
bawbcat
bawbcat
March 22, 2015 - 8:18 am
Hi there Sparkle-Kim-Michelle

It's OK to talk about things here. It seems like the place for it. I know from another post that you have endured abuse so no wonder you have PTSD. I didn't realize you're a mom to 2 kids! That's such a big job - and it is often thankless.

It is hard to have any illness and so many people don't understand mental illness. It is confusing and scary for most people. I really don't tell people close to me too much because it seems very confusing & off-putting. I have found there is more support and understanding in online forums. I am very lucky to have a therapist who understands and is very helpful. Do you have access to therapy? If you get a good therapist it can be very useful.

You are right - this stuff can be very isolating and it's hard to know where to go with the bad feelings we have. I don't have BPD (as far as I know) but I understand life can be very difficult with it.

What sort of things would help you feel a bit better? It sounds like you need fewer words about how much people care about you & more actions that show it. Is that right or maybe I am misunderstanding? I know what is meaningful for people is very individual.

I hope you will have a better day today,

bawbcat




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