Hi, my name is Kim-Michelle, I am 25 years old (soon to be 26), I have a 2 year old daughter, and a 5 year old step son. I have known my partner for 10 years, and officially been together for 2.5 years. I have recently had the diagnosis of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder with PTSD. I think that I am relieved in one way, as I feel as though now I finally not labelled with the 'depression- you will be fine in a few days' label. I am on daily medication of Anti Psychotics and an Anti Depressant, but still feel as though my mood is very unstable. I am very irritable and have an extremely low attention span, I just feel like reverting into myself, as I feel as though the only person that I can trust to be there for me, is myself, as no one else seems to understand me, or want to understand me, which leaves me feeling alone, confused, neglected, unwanted, un-cared about.
I just don't feel as though I have anything to say to those around me anymore, they say 'why are you so upset' my answer, because I am severely depressed. 'why can't you ever be happy with me' because I don't feel loved or wanted by you.. ' well that's just silly, I do love and want you' ....'well if you do then I am sorry I don't feel it and haven't for a while now'- then things just spark into an argument...so a complete waste of time, as they are clearly not interested in me and my feelings, otherwise they would try and help me in any way that they can....
So many reverting into myself is the only way I am going to find happiness, as I have already let everyone else down, I can't let myself down anymore than I already have!
I honestly do not know what else to say...
I feel so alone, unattractive, unwanted, un-cared about, left behind, forgotten, abandoned... depressed, upset, hurt, a failure, disappointed.... all in one... :( my heart is breaking!
Anyway, thank you for listening, I really appreciate it...
Sorry for going on, sometimes the feelings just pour out...
Kind Regards,
Hope some one replies soon
Kim-Michelle :) x
Joined: 03-18-2015