1st Post! - Any Feedback Would Be Great!

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jodiemarie
September 15, 2011 - 6:20 am
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jodiemarie
Total Posts: 2
Joined: 01-11-2011
Too cut a very long story short..

I have been on Anti-Depressants for the last 11yrs now. Every few years trying a different form because they seem to just stop working! I consider myself to have had a few traumas in life or 'issues' with x2 past suicide attemps plus holding a knife to my wrists :/ I have held everything in and kept all problems to myself for 11yrs, which i now know was the wrong thing to do!

In January 2011 i finally 'talked about my feelings & the way i am with a gp' After struggling for sooo long with gp's that just wasn't interested and gave me repeat prescriptions of anti-depressants for years! I finally found a gp that was willing to listen after literally bein dragged to see her by my mom because i was in a 'very low state' at the time 'Jan 2011' where it seemed like nothin and no-one could help me.. A place of being stuck in the same state for so long, but again not helping myself either because i was too ashamed 'and still am' to admit that i have a mental health problem.

My gp has been amazing so far and sent me for help with a physciatrist, psycotherapy..
The only problem is i find every time i go and seek help i am seen by a different phsyc doctor which isnt helping me one bit because they all have something different to say, so i dont know quite where i am with them plus having to repeatedly explaining my symptoms over and over again to different doctors! I have tried keeping a written diary, but found that if i had a bad day and truely wrote my feelings on paper.. The next day i would be feeling completely different and found it all a bit too much to read and take in!! So i found Moodtracker.. Read some of the posts which really hit a nerve, because the way in which some of you describe your feelings hit the nail right on the head!!

Depression, Cyclothymia, Bipolar, Whatever it is that i have been suffering from for so long! I feel like i have spoken out finally and starting to get the help i have needed for a very long time!

My physc docs have partially diagnosed 'Cyclothymia' and today i have started on Lithium aswell as my normal daily intake of Fluoxetine! My mom has been diagnosed Bipolar & my brother suffers with ADHD so family history is there!

I don't think my doctor's are completely sure what i am suffering from as i find it so hard to express my feelings 'issues' I go through different 'states' every so often 'highs & lows' From severe depression - Where i won't leave the house, interact with anyone! The blinds are shut and the doors are locked. I wont answer the door, phone! I will stuff myself with food 'gain dress sizes' and just sleep! Hoping to wake up feeling better! Or normally just waking up thinking 'Why did i have to wake up at all' I wont wash - Just wallowing in my own depression i guess...

On the other hand i have extreme highs! Where i will have sooo much energy! Need very little sleep! Move around like the 'Duracell Bunny' for days/weeks on end! Low appetite! Therefore 'losing dress sizes' Feeling constantly wired! Wanting to make myself look beautiful.. Go out and socialise.. Exercise! Making jokes, laughing out loud! Just as i start enjoyinjg the 'high' .. Before i know it the 'low' will hit me again.. Emotional, tearful, wanting to 'just sleep'

Lately i have had a pretty 'mixed episode' where my mind is in overdrive! Racing thoughts, unable to sleep. Anxiety, Extreme OCD! But my body is 'Totally Drained' I also have Anger Issues.. Where i will lash out over the smallest things! Unimportant things! I feel constantly Stressed & On the edge! Tense! And this is why i ended up spilling everything out to my gp.. Because sometimes i feel that i get that angry i would not harm myself but i may harm someone else! Anyone who looked at me the wrong way, said the wrong thing at the wrong time! I would lash out 'Maybe even physically hit them' I felt i was a danger to others more than a danger to myself! That if it got any worse i would lash out to an extreme at 'anybody' and possibly find myself in trouble with the police..

This has affected every part of my life! I am 31yrs old and have an 11yr old daughter. I have had x3 relationships 'The last one was 2005' My heart broken x3 times and i wont let anyone remotely close to me! I trust no-one! I have pushed all my closest friends away! Even my family but because they are family they will always forgive u no matter what! My last job '2008' i left because co-workers would notice the changes in my mood from one day to the next or 'weeks' I bacame paranoid on who i could trust, whether they knew something was wrong. I was vile to a few of them.. And lovely to others! :/ Most of the time i feel in a very lonely place as i dont express my feelings and no-ones seems to understand me!

OCD is another issue.. When feeling 'highly elevated' i will feel the need to repeatedly 'check everything' Doors, Door handles, Windows, touching doormats with my feet!? :/ Most of these handles have had to be replaced as they have fell off i have checked them that many times! If i clean a room i keep going back in to check everything is as it was when i left it '5mins before' It takes up alot of my time. I dont know why i do it!?

My own insecurities, low self esteem, putting myself down all the time.. But on the other hand i will be soooo confident! So bold! Funny! Sociable! I really feel that i am 2 people rolled into 1 at times..

Hoping that some sort of medication is going to help me feel 'Normal' again.. If i ever was.. Depakote didn't agree with me! I felt like a lab rat! And it just put me to sleep! First day of Lithium and ive got everything crossed that my road to recovery is hopefully not going to be a long one!

This wasn't meant to be such a 'long post' so apologies for the 'Essay' but i do feel kinda better for getting some of it out.. Even if no-one listens or reads it..

Any response or advice/guidance would be greatly appreciated!

Jodie Xx



Current medications as of 09-15-2011
05-01-2007 - Present: Fluoxetine, 40mg. Once a day
09-15-2011 - Present: Lithium - Priadel, 200mg. One at Night

Spam? Offensive?
jodiemarie
jodiemarie
September 15, 2011 - 6:20 am
Too cut a very long story short..

I have been on Anti-Depressants for the last 11yrs now. Every few years trying a different form because they seem to just stop working! I consider myself to have had a few traumas in life or 'issues' with x2 past suicide attemps plus holding a knife to my wrists :/ I have held everything in and kept all problems to myself for 11yrs, which i now know was the wrong thing to do!

In January 2011 i finally 'talked about my feelings & the way i am with a gp' After struggling for sooo long with gp's that just wasn't interested and gave me repeat prescriptions of anti-depressants for years! I finally found a gp that was willing to listen after literally bein dragged to see her by my mom because i was in a 'very low state' at the time 'Jan 2011' where it seemed like nothin and no-one could help me.. A place of being stuck in the same state for so long, but again not helping myself either because i was too ashamed 'and still am' to admit that i have a mental health problem.

My gp has been amazing so far and sent me for help with a physciatrist, psycotherapy..
The only problem is i find every time i go and seek help i am seen by a different phsyc doctor which isnt helping me one bit because they all have something different to say, so i dont know quite where i am with them plus having to repeatedly explaining my symptoms over and over again to different doctors! I have tried keeping a written diary, but found that if i had a bad day and truely wrote my feelings on paper.. The next day i would be feeling completely different and found it all a bit too much to read and take in!! So i found Moodtracker.. Read some of the posts which really hit a nerve, because the way in which some of you describe your feelings hit the nail right on the head!!

Depression, Cyclothymia, Bipolar, Whatever it is that i have been suffering from for so long! I feel like i have spoken out finally and starting to get the help i have needed for a very long time!

My physc docs have partially diagnosed 'Cyclothymia' and today i have started on Lithium aswell as my normal daily intake of Fluoxetine! My mom has been diagnosed Bipolar & my brother suffers with ADHD so family history is there!

I don't think my doctor's are completely sure what i am suffering from as i find it so hard to express my feelings 'issues' I go through different 'states' every so often 'highs & lows' From severe depression - Where i won't leave the house, interact with anyone! The blinds are shut and the doors are locked. I wont answer the door, phone! I will stuff myself with food 'gain dress sizes' and just sleep! Hoping to wake up feeling better! Or normally just waking up thinking 'Why did i have to wake up at all' I wont wash - Just wallowing in my own depression i guess...

On the other hand i have extreme highs! Where i will have sooo much energy! Need very little sleep! Move around like the 'Duracell Bunny' for days/weeks on end! Low appetite! Therefore 'losing dress sizes' Feeling constantly wired! Wanting to make myself look beautiful.. Go out and socialise.. Exercise! Making jokes, laughing out loud! Just as i start enjoyinjg the 'high' .. Before i know it the 'low' will hit me again.. Emotional, tearful, wanting to 'just sleep'

Lately i have had a pretty 'mixed episode' where my mind is in overdrive! Racing thoughts, unable to sleep. Anxiety, Extreme OCD! But my body is 'Totally Drained' I also have Anger Issues.. Where i will lash out over the smallest things! Unimportant things! I feel constantly Stressed & On the edge! Tense! And this is why i ended up spilling everything out to my gp.. Because sometimes i feel that i get that angry i would not harm myself but i may harm someone else! Anyone who looked at me the wrong way, said the wrong thing at the wrong time! I would lash out 'Maybe even physically hit them' I felt i was a danger to others more than a danger to myself! That if it got any worse i would lash out to an extreme at 'anybody' and possibly find myself in trouble with the police..

This has affected every part of my life! I am 31yrs old and have an 11yr old daughter. I have had x3 relationships 'The last one was 2005' My heart broken x3 times and i wont let anyone remotely close to me! I trust no-one! I have pushed all my closest friends away! Even my family but because they are family they will always forgive u no matter what! My last job '2008' i left because co-workers would notice the changes in my mood from one day to the next or 'weeks' I bacame paranoid on who i could trust, whether they knew something was wrong. I was vile to a few of them.. And lovely to others! :/ Most of the time i feel in a very lonely place as i dont express my feelings and no-ones seems to understand me!

OCD is another issue.. When feeling 'highly elevated' i will feel the need to repeatedly 'check everything' Doors, Door handles, Windows, touching doormats with my feet!? :/ Most of these handles have had to be replaced as they have fell off i have checked them that many times! If i clean a room i keep going back in to check everything is as it was when i left it '5mins before' It takes up alot of my time. I dont know why i do it!?

My own insecurities, low self esteem, putting myself down all the time.. But on the other hand i will be soooo confident! So bold! Funny! Sociable! I really feel that i am 2 people rolled into 1 at times..

Hoping that some sort of medication is going to help me feel 'Normal' again.. If i ever was.. Depakote didn't agree with me! I felt like a lab rat! And it just put me to sleep! First day of Lithium and ive got everything crossed that my road to recovery is hopefully not going to be a long one!

This wasn't meant to be such a 'long post' so apologies for the 'Essay' but i do feel kinda better for getting some of it out.. Even if no-one listens or reads it..

Any response or advice/guidance would be greatly appreciated!

Jodie Xx



Current medications as of 09-15-2011
05-01-2007 - Present: Fluoxetine, 40mg. Once a day
09-15-2011 - Present: Lithium - Priadel, 200mg. One at Night

xawsted77
November 7, 2011 - 8:43 am
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xawsted77
Total Posts: 19
Joined: 11-07-2011


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xawsted77
xawsted77
November 7, 2011 - 8:43 am


meape
November 13, 2011 - 9:26 pm
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meape
Total Posts: 50
Joined: 04-28-2011
Hi Welcome.

Most of us know the feelings you are experiencing if it helps. It is important to remember that we aren't doctors and our advice should and isn't meant to replace the help of train and educated medical and mental health professionals.

That being said, welcome and we will listen. You may want to do research on meditation and grounding. Different things to relax even when you're feeling good and thing up then you might be able to get closer to a normal feeling. If you're low you might want to try it to help bring you back to a little bit of base. If you're isolating then remember to reach out.


Spam? Offensive?
meape
meape
November 13, 2011 - 9:26 pm
Hi Welcome.

Most of us know the feelings you are experiencing if it helps. It is important to remember that we aren't doctors and our advice should and isn't meant to replace the help of train and educated medical and mental health professionals.

That being said, welcome and we will listen. You may want to do research on meditation and grounding. Different things to relax even when you're feeling good and thing up then you might be able to get closer to a normal feeling. If you're low you might want to try it to help bring you back to a little bit of base. If you're isolating then remember to reach out.


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