Stopping Medication

Every few months, I find that I stop taking my medication. I'm not sure why. Sometimes I think its because I'm angry that I'm not better or I feel like my body is so infested by toxins, I need to detox. To be honest, I'm not sure. The problem is that I will then spend a month in my bedroom, until finally I am convinced by a close friend, or indeed I convince myself, I need the drugs to survive or live a normal life. I've dropped out of university about 4 times, and I'm on my seventh year trying to finish a basic degree.

I was wondering if anyone else had any experiences or could make sense of what I'm doing? Thanks.

Hi almizan

I've often been through this. Usually I would stop the meds because I thought that they were poisoning me, or the doctors were poisoning me, or I didn't think I needed them anymore, or I didn't like the side effects, or I just couldn't be bothered to renew my prescription. I can't think of a single instance when there haven't been consequences of some nature and occasionally the consequences were serious.

Please stick with your meds if you can. Getting to a state where we are well is a journey and each change of medication is a stage of the journey. Sometimes a prescription that doesn't work is more revealing than one that does and provides the medics with useful information they can use to get to a combination that works for you. If you stop taking your meds or only sporadically take them you are missing out on chance to move on.

I know it's tough. It's taken years for me to get to the combination I take now. It was prescribed by a new consultant who looked at all the medication combinations I have taken in the past and evaluated their effects by interviewing me (for over 4 hours) and reading my medical notes. He explained to me that the reactions and side effects I had to different medications and combinations gave him insight into my particular brain chemistry. So, each of those unsuccessful combinations was important in getting me to where I am now, which is in a very good place.

If you are bipolar the medication probably won't make you better but it could fix you up to enjoy life. - Insulin can't cure diabetes - but it can make the condition tolerable.

Stay well

Many thanks for that - I really appreciate it. I think I need to grow up and stop acting like an adolescent!

My medication is unfortunately not so stable and 6 psychiatrists on, I'm still not getting far. Although the current guy, is the best until now. And is trying to make it work. He actually responds to my emails, which is a first.

Anyways, thanks for that again. I'm restarting tomorrow morning. I'm scared, but I need to graduate this year.

Hi again

2 things:

1 - its great that you have realised that we ourselves have a lot to contribute to our wellness and

2 - don't be too hard on yourself. It's bloody hard work sticking with medications - especially if you move from one regime to another with questionable benefit and you experience side effects. Also the depressed state and the manic state affect our thought processes and our perception of things. It's not unusual to think that the medication is poisoning you or adversely affecting your mood so put in the context of those powerful thoughts stopping the meds is, to someone in that frame of mind, a rational action. I'm generally compliant with my meds regime but I got manic a while ago and was convinced that the medication was holding me back and blighting my life so I stopped taking everything with disastrous results. Afterwards I felt very poorly of myself and very stupid apologising to everyone for the trouble I had caused etc etc. My psychiatric nurse sat me down and told me that what had happened was par for the course for anyone with bipolar (as I well know because it's happened before) and it did not reflect on me because when I'm well I don't behave like that. I guess that's the key - am I an a**hole when I'm well? Generally not, so if I'm an a**hole occasionally when I'm ill then generally it's the illness talking.

Good luck

Thanks for your reassurance. Really appreciate it. I restarted my medication today, and I was able to leave my room for the first time in weeks.

Have you been using the mood chart? It can give you solid evidence that your meds are working or not. If your meds aren't making you better then as David (I think that was the name) said, don't stop without informing your pdoc so he can chose an alternative medicine.

Here is a link that lists ALL the MANY meds available to treat bipolar today.
http://bipolar.about.com/cs/me...

K

Hi almizan

Glad to help. Well done for starting the meds again. It is a positive step even if you think theyr'e not working. Hope you feel good to be out and about again.

Good luck

Yeh, I'm out for the first time today - and I'm at the library trying to start some light studying. Really appreciate everyone's support. I just hope I don't crash again. At least not before my final university exams.

Hi almizan

Struggling with bipolar - particularly the depressive aspect is like trying to climb out of a pit. And it's hard. And when you start to feel better it's scary because despite the fact that its horrible in that black pit of hoplesness you get used to it. I've just come out of three years of sustained depression with constant suicide ideation. The only thing that has kept me alive is my love for my daughter. They got me on the right meds and I started to feel different. And scared - my illness had begun to define me - and that was a hard thing to shake off. But believe me if I can do it anyone can.

When I had some scrap of energy I found it's not so much a day at a time - but an hour at a time - or whatever time you can stay focussed. Plan your hour - or your ten minutes or whatever - and make an appointment with yourself to pat yourself on the back at the end of that time. And then if you can do another stretch go for it. And if you can't ... well you've still done that first bit. And, if you can do ten minutes - you can do twelve or twenty or whatever.

We go through hell sometimes - but we do go through it - and there's always something at the other side. I've had some really dark times - and good friends - who have been through the same situation have said - it WILL pass - and it does - always, eventually. And believe me when things start to go right - which they will - if you stick with it - then despite the awful times it is worth it. And you know, when you've been in that black hole and you come out of it you appreciate life so much more than people who haven't been on that journey.

Rooting for you!

I've been diagnosed with BP about 8 years, and it's taken me a long time to become compliant with dosing schedule. I agree with what people said that it's very hard to comply for a MYRIAD of reasons.

It helps me to use a month's worth of weekly pill boxes. I label the top of each compartment with the date in water soluble pen (like for overhead projection machines, the older machines). Then I fill the compartments. That way I don't have to think about anything in the morning: it's only ONE decision in the morning to take my meds, not SIX OR SEVEN (i.e., one decision per medication in each mornining.) But taking the doses later in the day is hard for me to remember or to just be willing to stop and DO it....like I should go do right now....

I used to go through the same thing. I would stop taking my medications at about the same time every few months whether it was because i didn't feel like taking them any more, i didn't want to be bothered with them, i couldn't afford them, it didn't matter i'd always find an excuse.
I realized later that this wasn't helping me, that regardless of all those things I needed to take my medication because the side effects that were good were better than the bad and way way better than when i wasn't taking medication at all. This site helps me to remember to take my meds, I also have an amazing fiance' as of valentines day who helps me with my ups and downs and keeps an eye on my medications with me, so that if i forget he reminds me or if i refuse he knows its time to call the doctor or the hospital. its always good to have a person to lean on to be a back up hand when time calls for it, it may not be fun, but bipolar disorder, no disorder or disease ever is. you just have to roll with the punches, take one day at a time. We can do this.

Blessed Be,
Meg