Should I go on a mood stabalizer? (Sorry this is long)

Right now I'm quite stable, having slight mood swings but nothing severe. I have been on effexor for 8 years 225mg. I was diagnosed with severe depression when I was 15. There have been two times when I felt ready to come off it, after slowly reducing myself on it (by doctors approval) I got too sick. He put me on anti-convulsants and prozac to try and ease the addiction. I came off it for 2 days but had to go back on it as I was too addicted and tried to commit suicide (it made me feel that pyschotic) After coming off it, it really messed me up again.

I was fine for about 3 years but after coming off it for 2 days I started having severe depression again. I cut my wrist again and ended up in the pysh ward and they diagnosed me with borderline personality disorder, I was 17 (I didn't think they could dignose me til I was 18) I agree I had all 9 traits of borderline personality disorder some days more so than others. They put me on risperdal 2mg and after 3 weeks I felt much more stable.

For many years I was up and down with moods, one minute crying wanting to die, other times going clubbing not coming home till 5 or 6 o'clock in the morning. Then other days were just normal. Then I attempted to come off effexor again as the doctors said I was ready, I felt ready too. The same attempt was made, anti-convulsants and prozac whilst reducing my effexor from 225mg to 189.5mg (I had the 150mg and 35.5mg tablets) but after 2 weeks I was going crazy,

I was running about, on a extreme high (my first proper high) I kept going didn't sleep for 5 days. And my g.p clicked and thought hang on I think she's got bipolar. She phoned my shrink but my shrink is absolutly sure I have bodrerline personality disorder. So my g.p puts me back on my full does of effexor to see how I go. Again quite stable after a few weeks just slight highs and lows present. Which is where I am now.

(I forgot to tell you I attempted to come off risperidal too but same mood swings happened) I've asked my shrink to put me on a mood stablizer such as litium but she says no and she also says I will have to come off my risperdal soon because in her words 'it is prescribed for schizophrenia not bipolar and there are increased risks' whatever that means, she wasn't too specific.

My g.p on the other hand thinks a mood stabalizer would be much better suited for me. I'm stuck should I pressure my shrink to put me on litium or is it not worth the side effects for the occassional depressive state or manic mode. Any opinions would be appreciated. Thanks for reading Nikki xxx

I think, if you can, you might want to think about getting a different Pdoc as it does not sound like you have much communication or trust going with the one you have. It really makes a difference if you trust your pdoc. I would have abosolutely gone off the deep end this month if I didn't trust mine. For ten years I was diagnosed with Unipolar Depression, then this month I had symptoms that made it too obvious that what I really have is Bipolar II. If I didn't trust my therapy people, I would really be feeling lost.

Also, please remember there are places and hot-lines you can call if you feel like hurting yourself---and please feel better soon. You deserve to be well.

You might want to look at the book "Why Am I Still Depressed?" especially the parts about BPD. Its by Dr. Jim Phelps. It helped me a lot. You can get it at Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

I have thought about changing my pdoc for a while, my g.p suggested this too but with me being on the nhs I don't get much choice in the matter.

I am going to go private for a few sessions and see how the new pdoc feels. It's almost like it's too much trouble for my pdoc to have to rediagnose me cause my gp says they will have to fill in forms and if I go on a stabalizer will have to have regular blood test.

I've had about 30 pdocs since I was 15, I'm now 23. Only cause in the centre nearest to me they keep leaving for some reason which is why its been so difficult to trust anyone. I see them every 3 months, I go in they read though my notes for the first time and usually try and take me off my meds but they won't change it as they don't know enough about me yet.

My current pdoc has been with me the longest and apparently she's not leaving (which several have told me that before) she's been with me for about 2 years. Again I only see her every 3 months. If I'm in a good mood on the day of seeing her she will make it 4 or 5 months.so if I have a break down they can'#t fit me in earlier as they are fully booked.

Anyway like I said I'll try going private and see how it goes. Thanks for replying. Nikki xxx