I am so tired, just awoke after 13hours of sleep, child late for school.....again. I am always late. Its nearly impossible to wake up or wake me up. Alarm clocks are of no help. And I don't remember being awaken or the attempts to wake me. I feel like giving up. I am aware that I have nearly every symptom of bipolar disorder, and depression for sure. I have been on antidepressants since I was 14, I am 28 now. Also a history of childhood abuse, PTSD, thyroid problems, and substance abuse. I am a mess, always have been. I try so very hard with no prevail, then at times I just get tired of being tired and give up. One of my biggest issues recently is waking up in the mornings. I have lost ever job I have had due to not being on time. Currently I am a stay at home wife and mother, and I feel I am failing at that I am scared to go to sleep at night due to the fact I know I will not be able to wake up on time the next morning. So sometimes I don't sleep at all. Sometimes I sleep for a couple days. I have tried many alarms, some will not wake me, some I will turn off then go back to sleep. Yes, turning off the alarm knowing I must wake up and not even remembering doing it. So I ask my husband to wake me up, a question many who know me dread. Then I realized I can carry on conversations, appearing to be awake, then fall back to sleep and never remembering that I had been awoken. Many times waking up late to realize my alarm clocks had been turned off, and I had argued and told my husband I was getting up or awake or just to go away before I hurt him. I hate hearing "I tried waking you up, many times, and nothing worked." and I can't ever recollect a thing. I keep waking up late wondering what went wrong, when what's wrong is me. Obviously I need to see a doctor but I cannot afford to see one very often. And I recently cussed out my family doctor. I don't feel its a good idea to visit a walk in clinic, or new doctor, with a long list of problems like mine, many being mental health issues. They will surely think I'm crazy. This has been progressively getting worse. I am always tired. I dread sleep. I dread waking up. I am never on time, nor is my children. My husband is fed up. People think I'm unreliable or irresponsible. Every day I am feeling more hopeless. I have started staying up at night till my daughter gets to school on time, then letting my baby boy sleep in so I can rest a little. Sometimes not getting any rest, and surely ruining my sons sleep schedule. Sometimes staying up till I'm falling asleep sitting up, then going to sleep so exhausted I dont move for 24hours. This cannot go on, I need help. Can any one give some advice or direction. I'm on the road to self destruction.