BPD and Pregnancy

I'm curious if anyone out there is BPD with children. My husband and I are starting to step down my meds tomorrow in order to try and become pregnant soon and as excited as I am, I'm also very nervous and looking for any suggestions to help build a support system. We are new to the state we're in (2000 miles from home), and don't know anyone, my family doesn't speak to me and I have very few friends that I occasionally talk with on the phone. We're currently down to one car and live in the middle of the country - I don't work so I'm at home during the day with my animals. I know that without my meds I'm going to need someone to talk to aside from a counselor.

There are so many things I'm worried about - my age affecting the pregnancy (I'll be 35 this year), not to mention the complete meltdowns I'm anticipating once we start to step down the meds (they always happen). I worry we'll put getting pregnant off again because I might get too bad without meds and it'll then never happen due to my age. I'm worried the amount of stress I put myself through without meds could cause harm to the baby. I'm also worried about what type of parent I'll be having BPD. I want to be the absolute best possible and nothing like my own mother, but even the best of intentions seem to fall to the wayside during one of my episodes...

At times I know I can pull this off successfully with the right support, at other times I'm pretty sure I can...but I don't think it'll happen without support... Any suggestions, experiences, links would be much appreciated.

I should mention that I was diagnosed with Bipolar with BPD in 2009 - until then I was diagnosed with Bipolar. My husband and I strongly, strongly, strongly feel that my dominate issue is the Borderline due to my trouble with relationships, frequent irritability and anger, occasional rages where I have hurt myself and others, constantly changing sense of self and poor self worth. I can't say that I completely write off the bipolar diagnosis though... Things have been so much better since they put me on Trileptal in 2009.

Wow - just writing that makes me feel like a completely unfit candidate for motherhood. That's another thing - I feel that other people feel because I have BPD I'll be an unfit mother and shouldn't consider being a mom...I know my mom and grandma feel that way - they've told me. But we want this so bad - we want a family to fill our home with laughter.

It's just...hard. I'll leave you with a novella instead of a novel, before I start crying. :)
Seriously, if you read this whole thing...you rock.

MtnMama,

I don't think you'll be a bad mother - take it easy on yourself. I tend to be my worst critic and no one deserves to be treated the way I've treated myself in the past. I don't have to do that anymore today...

Anyway I'm dx'd BP 1. I haven't been extremely manic in a couple years BUT when I am or was I exhibited BPD traits just like the ones you were talking about. I broke off a relationship of 10yrs & didn't try reconciliation at all. Crazy. I really regret it to this day, 15yrs later. That is only one example.

I was in another relationship in my early 20's with a woman who just had a child. I helped raise that child til she was almost four when her mother and I split amicably. I was an excellent father to that child despite having not been diagnosed for many years to come. Currently I'm an uncle to a total of 20 nieces & nephews. I love it.

Well, my point is that being a mother will probably come more naturally to you than you think. What you do is more important than what other people think about it ~ that is what I think. I appreciate & value feedback, but must take what is applicable & leave the rest. It is not my concern. After all, I have to live w/myself. Bless you & good luck.

-kby-

Hi there,

I am a mother of two and have borderline personality disorder, suffer from severe depression and did have alcohol issues at one point.

My children are my life and I think you would be a good mother simply because you are thinking about how things will be (if that makes sense).

You will need support around you, so having a good therapist that you can talk to will make a big difference so that you do not bottle things up and keep them to yourself.

Having a family was the most important thing for me and I do not have any regrets.

Please ask any questions you want, here if you need me.

x

p.s. I have absolutely no family around me so I understand how lonely it can be trying to cope with things without their support.

I knew a couple about 25 years ago that chose to adopt rather than mom having to lower her Lithium. I'm no expert but wonder if now there aren't possibly meds that can be substituted for heavy duty meds as what she was taking.

On a side note I am very sure that my BPD contributed to the divorce 17 years ago. I was clingy and histrionic I didn't know I had it until just a shore time about it and it was like reading a biography of my life. I had empty nest syndrome to the point that I had to be hospitalized for five weeks and was administered four shock treatments. Not fun. I was not diagnosed that time either. In my defense all three of my daughters left at the same time for college. I had twins and there older sister (by one year) decided a year after graduating high school to go to college.

I am very glad this forum section is here. I wish you many blessings in trying to have a baby dear. Let us know what happens.