New Diagnosis
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March 31, 2014 - 10:30 pm
So I got diagnosed with BPD at my last appointment with my Psychiatrist a few weeks ago. I just don't know how to deal with this, I already have Major Depression, PTSD, and now I find out that I also have BPD. It is just a lot to take in, especially since there is no treatment (other than therapy.) I wasn't surprised at all to find out that I had BPD though, when I look at how I am and my life, it makes perfect sense to me. I feel like having i'm crazy because I have so many problems and disorders. I feel so out of control with my life and i'm just at the point where I literally don't care about anything or anyone. I just want to move far away from here and start a new life where nobody knows who I am. I hate school and I just want to be done. I'm losing my faith in God and I hate that so much, but at the same time I just don't care. I feel like i'm going nowhere with my life and that nobody cares about me. I hate being alive and I think about death everyday. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Medications for March 1, 2014 to March 31, 2014
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So I got diagnosed with BPD at my last appointment with my Psychiatrist a few weeks ago. I just don't know how to deal with this, I already have Major Depression, PTSD, and now I find out that I also have BPD. It is just a lot to take in, especially since there is no treatment (other than therapy.) I wasn't surprised at all to find out that I had BPD though, when I look at how I am and my life, it makes perfect sense to me. I feel like having i'm crazy because I have so many problems and disorders. I feel so out of control with my life and i'm just at the point where I literally don't care about anything or anyone. I just want to move far away from here and start a new life where nobody knows who I am. I hate school and I just want to be done. I'm losing my faith in God and I hate that so much, but at the same time I just don't care. I feel like i'm going nowhere with my life and that nobody cares about me. I hate being alive and I think about death everyday. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Medications for March 1, 2014 to March 31, 2014
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April 1, 2014 - 6:56 pm
Total Posts: 868
Joined: 06-12-2011
Joined: 06-12-2011
Sarah,
I can only imagine how you must feel. What I found to be helpful when newly diagnosed (bipolar 1, ADHD and PTSD) was to learn all I could about such disorders. I have a few books that I can recommend re BPD. I am an avid reader and have some BPD traits, so I read up on the topic. Here is my list--please note I used BPD in the titles rather than spell out "borderline personality disorder" over and over again. :)
Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at BPD
Get Me Out Of Here: My Recovery From BPD
The BPD Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living With BPD
New Hope for People with BPD; Your Friendly Authoritative Guide
I cannot remember which book was best, but they overall would give one with BPD a good deal of hope. I bought all of them for my Kindle.
I am working on learning to self sooth--something I did not learn too well as a child. I had a lot of trauma in my life between the ages of 1 to 19. So, thoughts of death or self harm are old friends, but not good ones. Dissociation is also an issue for me-- it is a easy escape from discomfort. But therapy helps a lot. It is hard work though, and I find it easy to slip back into old habits when under stress.
Don't give up on God--he won't give up on you.
Hope this helps.
I can only imagine how you must feel. What I found to be helpful when newly diagnosed (bipolar 1, ADHD and PTSD) was to learn all I could about such disorders. I have a few books that I can recommend re BPD. I am an avid reader and have some BPD traits, so I read up on the topic. Here is my list--please note I used BPD in the titles rather than spell out "borderline personality disorder" over and over again. :)
Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at BPD
Get Me Out Of Here: My Recovery From BPD
The BPD Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living With BPD
New Hope for People with BPD; Your Friendly Authoritative Guide
I cannot remember which book was best, but they overall would give one with BPD a good deal of hope. I bought all of them for my Kindle.
I am working on learning to self sooth--something I did not learn too well as a child. I had a lot of trauma in my life between the ages of 1 to 19. So, thoughts of death or self harm are old friends, but not good ones. Dissociation is also an issue for me-- it is a easy escape from discomfort. But therapy helps a lot. It is hard work though, and I find it easy to slip back into old habits when under stress.
Don't give up on God--he won't give up on you.
Hope this helps.
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent.
- Jerome Lawrence
Sarah,
I can only imagine how you must feel. What I found to be helpful when newly diagnosed (bipolar 1, ADHD and PTSD) was to learn all I could about such disorders. I have a few books that I can recommend re BPD. I am an avid reader and have some BPD traits, so I read up on the topic. Here is my list--please note I used BPD in the titles rather than spell out "borderline personality disorder" over and over again. :)
Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at BPD
Get Me Out Of Here: My Recovery From BPD
The BPD Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living With BPD
New Hope for People with BPD; Your Friendly Authoritative Guide
I cannot remember which book was best, but they overall would give one with BPD a good deal of hope. I bought all of them for my Kindle.
I am working on learning to self sooth--something I did not learn too well as a child. I had a lot of trauma in my life between the ages of 1 to 19. So, thoughts of death or self harm are old friends, but not good ones. Dissociation is also an issue for me-- it is a easy escape from discomfort. But therapy helps a lot. It is hard work though, and I find it easy to slip back into old habits when under stress.
Don't give up on God--he won't give up on you.
Hope this helps.
I can only imagine how you must feel. What I found to be helpful when newly diagnosed (bipolar 1, ADHD and PTSD) was to learn all I could about such disorders. I have a few books that I can recommend re BPD. I am an avid reader and have some BPD traits, so I read up on the topic. Here is my list--please note I used BPD in the titles rather than spell out "borderline personality disorder" over and over again. :)
Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at BPD
Get Me Out Of Here: My Recovery From BPD
The BPD Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Living With BPD
New Hope for People with BPD; Your Friendly Authoritative Guide
I cannot remember which book was best, but they overall would give one with BPD a good deal of hope. I bought all of them for my Kindle.
I am working on learning to self sooth--something I did not learn too well as a child. I had a lot of trauma in my life between the ages of 1 to 19. So, thoughts of death or self harm are old friends, but not good ones. Dissociation is also an issue for me-- it is a easy escape from discomfort. But therapy helps a lot. It is hard work though, and I find it easy to slip back into old habits when under stress.
Don't give up on God--he won't give up on you.
Hope this helps.
A neurotic is a man who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the man who lives in it. A psychiatrist is the man who collects the rent.
- Jerome Lawrence
April 26, 2014 - 5:35 pm
Total Posts: 161
Joined: 01-07-2011
Joined: 01-07-2011
Thank you for posting the book referrals. I would like to check them out. I wish I could find a therapist who truly understands. I don't want to go to a psychiatrist because last time I did I found myself on a multitude of different medications which just made things worse. The therapist I have now is very nice, but basically just mirrors what I say and tells me to do loving things and think loving thoughts for myself....blah. She has given me a couple of BPD books which are fine, and some mindfulness exercises which I haven't tried yet. I appreciate her efforts, but I don't think she gets it. My dilemma is, I don't want to start over with someone new either, so I feel like just quitting....again. Ugh. I feel like a 44 year old little girl.
Thank you for posting the book referrals. I would like to check them out. I wish I could find a therapist who truly understands. I don't want to go to a psychiatrist because last time I did I found myself on a multitude of different medications which just made things worse. The therapist I have now is very nice, but basically just mirrors what I say and tells me to do loving things and think loving thoughts for myself....blah. She has given me a couple of BPD books which are fine, and some mindfulness exercises which I haven't tried yet. I appreciate her efforts, but I don't think she gets it. My dilemma is, I don't want to start over with someone new either, so I feel like just quitting....again. Ugh. I feel like a 44 year old little girl.
Joined: 03-18-2014