JD???

Hey, you still around?

I posted you a message in response to you query of my whereabouts on mt. Haven't seen a post from you yet SO I'm doing what you did w/the hope of hearing from you. Wondering how things are going on your end?

Please read the post I mentioned if you get this.

Only major change w/me since then is I'm suddenly without a roommate as of less than a week ago. Putting me in a tough spot financially. Tg I'm still going to be able to go on my vacation next month bc my family won't allow me to NOT come out for Thanksgiving! Going to be hard to make November rent on this short notice & I may have to ask work or family to help me out til 11/20 payday.

I'm actually a little bit relieved NOW knowing I'm going to be responsible and not having to worry one way or the other - which is stressful for me. The landlords want ME to be responsible for rent bc my roommate choices haven't worked well for them AND they're right about that. What they're saying now is I can still have a roommate BUT they want me to be responsible for the rent payment. I don't want a friend roommate this time BUT I also don't want to get one for November when I'll be gone almost half the month...

Hope to hear back from you - kby

Hi kby,

So nice to hear from you again! How is treatment? Must be hard. :-( Type 2 diabetes is under control though, so that's really good. :-) The lack of current roommate financially sounds tough, BUT you don't have to hound someone (sounds like a friend no less) for rent. :-)

I can't even remember the last time that I posted here. Seems like forever!

Job search continues, sort of. I've gotten discouraged. I've half-heartedly been looking, but then I'll go days (weeks?) without bothering. I've realized there are a lot of science/research jobs here, but I'm competing with people who have a lot more experience. Also, with kids graduating from college. There are SO many colleges around here. I don't rank high on the yes pile of resumes, if that. I did have a phone interview with a company that seemed really cool. Didn't completely blow the interview, but that was as far as it went. I'm still subbing.

Went to AZ for a few weeks ago. Loved it. We did some hiking, sat by the pool. One night we drove about 45 mins from the city to see the stars. We actually saw the Milky Way! I've never been able to do that before! Too much light pollution around here. Of course, I didn't want to have to come back to the real world. We took a night flight back and it was delayed 2 hours, a sign that we're supposed to stay? They gave us a $50 credit. When we landed, we discovered that about 20 of us had bags on a cart that didn't make it onto the plane. Another sign? No credit, but JetBlue had our bags the next day and delivered them to our house. That was pretty cool.

We hope to move out there someday. Not sure if it will happen. It's weird the stupid differences you notice. The roads out there are so smooth. I didn't notice how much until I got home and REALLY noticed the pot holes around here. Ridiculous! I wonder what percent of people need to get front end alignments! And people are so nice there. We went out for breakfast day 2 and the waitress was really nice and it wasn't because it was a place that relied on tourism. When we went hiking, almost everyone said hello, not a mumbled obligatory hello, but a REAL hello, followed by some comment about the weather or something else before moving on. I will admit that it was kinda creepy at first, strange as that sounds. Sad that more people around here aren't like that.

Also noticed my frustration/irritation level is really high since I got back. Maybe as a result of being somewhere I enjoyed being? Or, maybe I didn't just didn't notice before? I got really frustrated filling out a job app. The format wasn't carrying over to the website. I ended up swearing a lot, giving up, throwing the big pile of clothes off the couch, and drowning in a book. I can't deal with other drivers, to the point where I've cut my errands short b/c I'd probably end up in an accident, cutting people off to change lanes b/c no one lets you in around here. Ridiculous. I actually asked my prescriber for Ativan, which would have worked in the job scenario, but can't drive after taking it. Also frustrated with our house, which needs too much work to really feel like home, it's too city-ish, and I'm afraid to take the dog for a walk without pepper spray b/c he was attacked once (he's fine), we were almost attacked, and there are other dogs on leash and off (we have a leash law) that I worry about coming after us.

Anyway, my apologies for rambling, AGAIN. How is everything on your end?

~JD

JD! - So good to hear from you. Both my parents are from the East Coast, New York City basically, so as children we spent part of every summer out there at my grandparents vacation house (cabin?) on Fire Island. So many cherished memories... Anyway, I always noticed the difference in the way people communicated: beyond the accents of course. They seemed rude to me ~ not very talkative and overly direct. One time, I think I was 13 or 14, we had arrived and left the airport (JFK not La Gaurdia I believe) to go somewhere in the city briefly AND the first thing that happened was some other kids my age who could definitely tell I was from Cali (I looked like a little surfer boy back then) I thought were trying to be friendly but were really trying steal my basketball. I didn't get it at all. Almost just gave it to them BUT knew it would be hard to replace on the Island which was the reason I brought it w/me in the first place. They would not leave me alone. Had to get nasty w/them & good thing there was an adult w/me bc they were going to jump me for real.

But the Northeast has character and history, whereas places like Arizona, Nevada, Utah and even parts of California are simply newer I think. Also, way cheaper usually BUT lacking in cultural diversity has been my experience. I'm a bit stressed bc I had to fork over so much fricken $ to cover the whole rent and bills. I have so much crap I need to do to move forward in my life and keep running into situations that are a priority and essentially take all my funds. I've become so frustrated that I feel like giving up on this licensing crap that I've been working towards for 4 or more years now. I'm reluctant to put my ad for a new roommate back up bc I'm leaving for my paid vacay on the 17th and won't be back til the 30th I think. I'm going to try getting someone I don't know for once...

Next year I think I'll spread it out more bc I'm feeling so burned out. My former roommate is some kind of relationship/love addict or something. I'm sure when he didn't pay rent for three months it was bc he was putting on a show for new potential relationship victims. He's originally from the Boston area and even has an ex-wife and teenage son there he hasn't seen in person since he was wee babe. Mostly bc of her he told me. Two kids w/another gal here in Utah that he makes little effort to be a part of their lives AGAIN putting the blame on their mother, saying she doesn't pick up the phone and she's in a relationship w/a guy SO?? Does that make him NOT their f'ing father - I never could understand that. One of, if not the biggest regret I have about relapsing and starting to drink and use certain drugs again after 13+ yrs being clean & sober is that I didn't have any kids. I used from 29 to 43 yrs old and it was so hard to get clean again. I mean tg I didn't have a kid during THAT time! Just too bad I lost the woman I loved so deeply and had spent a third of my life with at that time. I'm very happy though that her dreams have come to fruition.

Oh, I almost forgot, my former roommate has been getting what looks like subpoenas and court summons from surrounding cities and counties up the yin-yang! I feel bad for him knowing that everything is going to catch up eventually. I didn't even know there was such a thing as Constables out here - one or two are looking for him as well. I don't understand why they don't go to his work OR maybe he doesn't have a job any more. When he was moving he had his new girl with him and one of her daughters (she has two) and another guy helping him AND I didn't even want to talk to her bc I knew I would be hearing weird 'un-truths' and such; mostly stuff to make himself look good despite anything to the contrary.

Well, enough of that. I'm relieved I no longer have the uncertainty though it sucks knowing I'll be strapped having to foot rent and bills on my own again.

On another note, I'm sure I won't be the most excited person EITHER when I come back from my vacay to my mundane life, lol! It's late and I'm all over the place SO I'm going to say good night. I'll have plenty of time to post here while on vacation. Also, I think it's awesome you and your hubby HAVE a house. Sometimes it makes me sick to ponder how much I've spent in rent money over the span of my life PAYING for other people's properties and such...

Hope to hear from you!

-kby-

So, I USED to get emails when someone posted on the same thread as me, but I didn't for this one. :-(

How was your vacation? I hope you were able to relax and had some time to do whatever you wanted.

Please don't give up on the licensing! You've been working so hard for it! It sounds like you were going to try to find a new roommate to help with the rent? It seems like it's good to be rid of the last one.

Ah, the holidays. My father-in-law passed away early fall, so my husband's mother was here for Thanksgiving and will be back for Christmas. He's an only child, so no splitting time. She was here for NINE days at Thanksgiving, "only" 6 for Christmas. She's a great person and we get along, but I NEED my space and when she's here she's ALWAYS here. No running out to the store, nothing. It's cheaper for her to fly up here than for two of us to fly there. I'll miss walking on the beach after Christmas in a sweatshirt. It hasn't actually been too cold here yet, although Thursday and Friday I'm going to stay inside as much as possible. It's going to be teens and twenties with single digit and below zero wind chill. The dog can learn to use the toilet for a day. LOL! I'll probably wear my snow pants and all other ski gear. I look like a fool wearing ski goggles to walk the dog, but my eyes tear up and I can't see.

I haven't done anything in the way of job searching the past few months. I've gotten an email from a couple MA agencies that said my qualifications matched a job. I don't think the computer was looking very closely b/c I was not. It's awesome that there are so many colleges around here, research, etc., but that just means I'm competing against recent grads, and failing miserably. So now I sign onto my sub board multiple times of day looking for something good. I've actually been lucky the past few times. The teacher I was in with today will be out tomorrow. I'd love to sign up, but have a doctor's appt. Sometimes all the good stuff falls on the same day. There was another teacher that I would have subbed in for, too.

Need to stop beating myself up about so many things. :-( I guess they say you are a lot meaner to yourself than you would be to someone else.

JD! Hi,

most of the friends and family I have out in your area there have been posting on FB & Instagram (those are the only two social media apps I have anyway) how 'butt ass' cold it is out there ~ especially w/the windchill factor like you were saying. Is it really below zero degrees Fahrenheit? Damn. The funny thing about your post and what got me to respond right away even though I'm super busy was you saying your dog "...can learn to use the toilet for a day" Haha! Cracked me up bc you are the 3rd or 4th person I've heard that from over there today. So I'm certain it must freezing out your way. It's been wet and rainy here on the Wasatch Front. Seems to me it should either rain OR snow instead of one storm bringing heavy snow for a day or two then a day later it will rain all day or two. It's only low 50's and high 40's BUT by Sunday we're supposed to be in the 20's as well.

I'm an emotional self abuser too. No doubt. I realized a long time ago that if a person were to talk to me the way I talk to myself in my head sometimes I probably would consider shooting, stabbing or maiming them BUT I don't think I could live w/myself SO at the very least we would no longer be or ever become friends as I'd definitely go out of my way to avoid that person! So the question is; why do I let myself talk to me that way? Or without the severe hack on the English language "How can I justify treating myself in such a harmful way that I would have zero tolerance w/it coming from another?"

My vacay was so fricken relaxing! I felt a bit guilty and depressed bc I usually go out and do a lot of things when I get back to the Bay Area; try to visit as many people as I can & all that BUT it rained almost everyday except for two out of the thirteen! People were telling me it rained more while I was there on vacay than it did all last Winter. They got drenched out there the past couple days w/some much needed rain, tg. The drought in California was about as bad as I remember the worst one we had there in the 70's I think. The old rule from that time was in effect at my mom's house: "If it's yellow it's mellow. If it's brown it goes down!" Lol, I believe the saying was developed so us kids would have an easier time remembering. When I got back to Utah on Dec 1st I was so very grateful that I mostly lounged around, reading books, relaxing, resting, sleeping and talking w/my Mom & Stepmom. I was so burned out by the time my vacation started. This year was challenging and very tough on me mentally, emotionally and then physically when those two are out of whack long enough; I can't sleep, my good eating habits start slipping and I don't get enough or the right kind of exercise and relaxation.

The highest and fastest 'burnout' rates, for workers in the Mental Health and Substance Abuse field are under my job description: Psych Tech, Frontline Staff, Peer Counselor, etc. Though responsibilities under the job title can vary greatly between facilities across the country or even across the street from each other. Also, the highest relapse rates for those of us who are in recovery as well. Licensed Substance Abuse Counselors w/out Master's Degrees are a very close second. They can last up to six years. The workforce statistics indicate I'm not supposed to last more than two to three. In fact, I'm the only one left at the position from when I started. My coworkers either left for better pay or moved to another job position within the company. I'm going on my sixth year working there now + almost a year as a counselor intern working for free... I feel like I have so much to say and I'm blabbing away here. Well, let me switch to good and better news.

At our annual Christmas Party employee awards and other honors are announced and given out. We had it the first week of December this year for some reason. Anyway, my coworkers voted me "Employee of the Year". I about crapped myself (not really) BUT I was very surprised, seeing as how I got 'written up' the day before I left for vacation haha. I felt very honored and got a little choked up and would probably have cried like I won Mrs America if I wasn't so nervous from suddenly and unexpectedly having to go up to the stage to receive the plaque (award) and wing an acceptance speech of some sort in front all the employees from both our facilities and their husbands, wives, significant others and children! We have almost if not 200 employees AND everyone in this part of Utah past the age of 22 is married and starting to have children if they don't already. I doubt I'll get a raise despite the award - not for a few months or more. So you're right. I need to get that damn national credential so I can get certified then licensed after two years bc I could go somewhere else w/it & make more money. I could've already been licensed like twice over already by now. I waited so long to take the test and now that I passed the test I've been lagging getting everything together to complete the process.

I still need to deal with getting my car registered, getting a new prescription for glasses and finding a roommate. My mother said she would help me with the licensing fees and costs for sealed college transcripts, yet another criminal background check, copy of any police citations/tickets w/in the past 10 yrs along with any legal records from courts (misdemeanors/but I think they screwed up and changed it so applicants can no longer have felonies w/in the past 10yrs which is so stupid especially if they are felonies related to drug abuse and non-violent - I won't even get started on that subject), CPR Certification, TB test result signed by a MD and has to be w/in the past year OR maybe it's two PLUS more stuff. Fricken overwhelming. Come to think of it, the process reminds me of when I was in the Masters in Ed program getting ready to apply for my 'clear credential' I think it was called to be licensed as a K-12 (Multiple Subjects) teacher in California. They didn't care about any of your damn college transcripts as long as you got your Masters and no college would give it w/out the completion of 'in-class room' teaching segments A, B, C & D. Oh, you also had to pass the MSAT or the SSAT - Single Subjects for those wanting to teach High School level students only.

Omg I'm such a blabbermouth! Last thought for now - it was sad for me to see how much the culture of the area I grew up in has changed when I visited. The backbone of that culture had always been a mix of people who were well educated, culturally and ethnically diverse (w/respect for that diversity), aware of current social and political issues at the local, statewide and national levels, and willing to fight to protect civil rights such as free speech and the right to have an organized protest like a march or demonstration = Geez, sounds like I'm describing political activists! Some of these people had means or came from money though most didn't. The ones who did cared more about the well being of the community than making more money at the expense of the community bc what inevitably happens (I believe) is it lowers the quality of living for more and more people while fewer and fewer people begin to accumulate the majority. My point is or what I saw was more homeless, or houseless they say there, people and families than ever. Anything that isn't fricken bolted to something is getting stolen. My favorite hang out spot Cole Coffee where I used to chill right after work I went to a few times and I only ran to a couple of acquaintances. The little yuppy liberal people that can afford an apartment in that area are rude as hell now! It was very sad as was the realization I could never afford to move back.

My mother's house is on one of the two corners in a T shaped intersection. She bought her house in like 1970 for like 60 or 70 grand. The house on the opposite corner was put up for sale with a listing price of 2.8 mil THEN she told me it sold for 3.4 or 3.6 million - wtf?! Where in the hell do folks get that kind of money where they can pay a half million over the asking price. Give me that 500 grand here and I doubt I'd have work ever again. She said the buyer was a guy who started an internet company called Lift? I've never heard of it

Hi kby,

As I write this, it once again is freezing. Last Saturday we set a record of coldest high temperature, while the Saturday before that we set one for highest temperature. It's only 15 degrees here right now (12:30 pm). Real feel temp. with wind is -3 degrees. Might set another record today. Guess that's New England for you!

Congrats on Employee of the Year! That's awesome! That's A LOT of people to talk in front of!

I watch House Hunters, etc. and the amount of money people need to spend to buy similar houses in different parts of the country is jaw dropping at times. I especially notice it when comparing houses down south to here. Some of the nice houses down south in the $200,000 range...you can't get a similar house like that here with out having to spend $100,000 - $150,000 more to START. It's crazy! And to think that some people actually pay CASH!

I haven't heard of an internet company called Lift either. There's Lyft, which is basically the same as Uber. Maybe it's that guy??

I've been doing more subbing and have gotten a mix between really good classes, where I actually like my job, and classes that are awful and leave me wishing for something else. Of course, at the end of the day, good or not, I'm brain-drained and just don't jump on the computer to look for something else. That's my goal after writing this. First, I'm looking at a science staffing agency and office staffing agency. Well, my goal is to peruse one of those sites. Set the bar low so I still feel like I accomplished something. I haven't looked for a job in a REALLY long time. Not sure if it's laziness or feeling like it's pointless or both.

~JD