In the past, I believe i have only been hypomanic and extremely irritable, I had a mixed episode a few years back that put me in the hospital for a short time.
Something different happened last week. I was completely euphoric. I felt so 'high', I was just ecstatic. I think of the scene from titanic, "I'm the king of the world." lol I felt like I was on a roller coaster at high speed. I felt that feeling you feel when you are about to laugh and you are trying to hold back, that feeling for about 2 or 3 days. I felt compelled to write poetry and craft incessantly. I slept a full 7 hours most of those nights, but I woke early and kept feeling compelled to go shopping despite my other responsibilities because I needed to get things to fit the persona I felt I was those days (I felt 17 like a celebrity, although I am in my thirties, over did my makeup and hair and dressed a bit more fashionably than the usual). I bought a domain for a website because I was going to start writing and make money off affiliate ads. Then I felt I needed some designer bags to put my laptop in so I could go write at coffee shops (I don't even drink coffee or go to coffee shops). The compulsion to shop lasted a few days, and the last 3 days I spent a total of about 800 dollars, and my budget was honestly 0. I bought lingerie, which I haven't bought in ages. I went to stores picking up so many things they would fall out of my hands. Salespeople came to help and then I felt a little embarrassed, but ended up going on to check out because I realized maybe it seemed a little bizarre. People usually don't buy multiple designer bags at once I assume. Then when my husband had his friend over, I became really involved in some philosophical debate and spent the whole evening convincing them of my beliefs. I felt at first they were interested and they eventually tuned me out but I kept going. My husband was concerned that I was talking too fast. I went to bed on time, but then I woke up at 3:30 the following morning. I felt fidgety and my husband woke up complaining that I should get some sleep. I laid there wide awake, fidgeting and knowing I should be sleeping. I couldn't stand it anymore. I was ecstatic and full of ideas for the day. They were coming so fast I couldn't catch them. I went downstairs and washed the dishes, came up and cleaned the bathroom, and ironed all my husband's shirts within an hours time. I was amazed at my productivity, and felt invigorated to keep going. So I sewed and mended shirts for a couple hours. Finally my husband woke up and said he was worried. I was offended because I was being so productive and doing no harm. He talked me into going down to have breakfast with him. I was cooking at full speed, chopping and cutting and flipping food lightning fast. Laughing loudly without a reason. Pacing around. I felt like electric currents were running from my shoulders to my fingertips. This happened other days too. Then my teeth began chattering and I began trembling slightly. I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, like I was so ecstatic that my body couldn't contain it. I felt compelled to take some anxiety meds because it was getting quite uncomfortable. My husband asked me to do exercise for 20 mins with him, and if it didn't help, then I should take something. Thankfully it did. The shopping continued. I was driving by myself and people kept honking their horns at me. I got really frustrated as I couldn't understand why these idiots wouldn't get out of my way. I now see that they had the right of way. My judgment was off. And the whole time all this was going on I had intrusive thoughts and moments where I felt I was going to 'word vomit' inappropriate things. I could go on but I was just wondering is this just a person being excited? Honestly I don't feel like I was impaired until the spending. But I shop quite a bit when not in this mood. Ok not hundreds though. I don't know, am I over analyzing? would love some input. Thanks.
Joined: 08-02-2011