my horrible actions
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March 6, 2009 - 9:33 pm
I had never been diagnosed with anything except stress, but last Tues, I absoluately flipped out. I had too much wine on top of too many allergy pills (I only took the prescribed dose). I of course know better than that, but I did it anyway. I only remember about 15 minutes of the night, but I did some severly nasty things, like hitting my husband, throwing things, making up lies in phone calls, emails. I woke up the next day with no husband and the house was destroyed. I went to a psychiatrist and she said..personality disorder, NOS, rule out bipolar, borderline personality disorder, and PTSD ; mainly because of my childhood and family history and of course by what happened. My husband left me and is considering coming back since I got help, but I am lost in how to possibly live with and accept the fact that I was so incredibly cruel to him and everyone I sent the emails to. How do you get past something like this? That was my last drink forever by the way.
I had never been diagnosed with anything except stress, but last Tues, I absoluately flipped out. I had too much wine on top of too many allergy pills (I only took the prescribed dose). I of course know better than that, but I did it anyway. I only remember about 15 minutes of the night, but I did some severly nasty things, like hitting my husband, throwing things, making up lies in phone calls, emails. I woke up the next day with no husband and the house was destroyed. I went to a psychiatrist and she said..personality disorder, NOS, rule out bipolar, borderline personality disorder, and PTSD ; mainly because of my childhood and family history and of course by what happened. My husband left me and is considering coming back since I got help, but I am lost in how to possibly live with and accept the fact that I was so incredibly cruel to him and everyone I sent the emails to. How do you get past something like this? That was my last drink forever by the way.
March 7, 2009 - 8:19 am
Total Posts: 1
Joined: 03-04-2009
Joined: 03-04-2009
I know how it is to do something that you'll regret for the rest of your life. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder last October after being wrongfully diagnosed with clinical depression for over 10 years. Unfortunately, by the time I got the correct diagnosis, I only had one good friend and my husband left. (And I thank God every day that I have them.)
The only thing you can do is offer an apology to everyone, and move on from there. You can't change the past, you can only look to the future. I would caution you to only disclose the true nature of your problem to people you think you can trust. Unfortunately, there is still a big stigma associated with mental illness so you might be better off to blame your actions on the unwise mixture of prescription allergy medication and alcohol.
I wish you much luck and I hope your husband comes back. Mental illness is easier if you have someone you can lean on when things aren't going well. You might consider finding a therapist to help you deal with the diagnosis and any guilt feelings you still have over that night. I know therapy has helped me a great deal. ;-)
The only thing you can do is offer an apology to everyone, and move on from there. You can't change the past, you can only look to the future. I would caution you to only disclose the true nature of your problem to people you think you can trust. Unfortunately, there is still a big stigma associated with mental illness so you might be better off to blame your actions on the unwise mixture of prescription allergy medication and alcohol.
I wish you much luck and I hope your husband comes back. Mental illness is easier if you have someone you can lean on when things aren't going well. You might consider finding a therapist to help you deal with the diagnosis and any guilt feelings you still have over that night. I know therapy has helped me a great deal. ;-)
Medications for March 2009
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I know how it is to do something that you'll regret for the rest of your life. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder last October after being wrongfully diagnosed with clinical depression for over 10 years. Unfortunately, by the time I got the correct diagnosis, I only had one good friend and my husband left. (And I thank God every day that I have them.)
The only thing you can do is offer an apology to everyone, and move on from there. You can't change the past, you can only look to the future. I would caution you to only disclose the true nature of your problem to people you think you can trust. Unfortunately, there is still a big stigma associated with mental illness so you might be better off to blame your actions on the unwise mixture of prescription allergy medication and alcohol.
I wish you much luck and I hope your husband comes back. Mental illness is easier if you have someone you can lean on when things aren't going well. You might consider finding a therapist to help you deal with the diagnosis and any guilt feelings you still have over that night. I know therapy has helped me a great deal. ;-)
The only thing you can do is offer an apology to everyone, and move on from there. You can't change the past, you can only look to the future. I would caution you to only disclose the true nature of your problem to people you think you can trust. Unfortunately, there is still a big stigma associated with mental illness so you might be better off to blame your actions on the unwise mixture of prescription allergy medication and alcohol.
I wish you much luck and I hope your husband comes back. Mental illness is easier if you have someone you can lean on when things aren't going well. You might consider finding a therapist to help you deal with the diagnosis and any guilt feelings you still have over that night. I know therapy has helped me a great deal. ;-)
Medications for March 2009
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March 7, 2009 - 8:29 am
Total Posts: 2
Joined: 03-04-2009
Joined: 03-04-2009
Thank you for your kind words. I went to a psychiatrist as fast as I could get in. I have an appt for a psychologist next Wed. My husband now wants to get his own apt. My heart is so broken. I screwed up my whole life and I don't even remember doing it. The other part is that I was in that stage for a long time where I "HAD" to win an argument no matter what I had to say to win it. I realized how bad I was and I saw that it is a symptom of borderline. I am trying so hard to turn myself around, but he doesn't believe me at all. I don't blame him, but I love him. I hope the therapist can help me. I feel like since I have become aware, that I can change, but I can't get it through to him.
Thank you for your kind words. I went to a psychiatrist as fast as I could get in. I have an appt for a psychologist next Wed. My husband now wants to get his own apt. My heart is so broken. I screwed up my whole life and I don't even remember doing it. The other part is that I was in that stage for a long time where I "HAD" to win an argument no matter what I had to say to win it. I realized how bad I was and I saw that it is a symptom of borderline. I am trying so hard to turn myself around, but he doesn't believe me at all. I don't blame him, but I love him. I hope the therapist can help me. I feel like since I have become aware, that I can change, but I can't get it through to him.
March 11, 2009 - 10:21 pm
Total Posts: 203
Joined: 01-27-2009
Joined: 01-27-2009
Gothelp.
The only way for him to believe you're changed is to give him the time to see it. I know it's hard. I've been there, different problem but I really messed things up. Some people never did accept me again. I, fortunately, have an understanding husband and it sounds like you do too. Just take it one day at a time and don't push too hard. I'm glad he is going in for appointments too. A good therapist should be able to help him understand.
The only way for him to believe you're changed is to give him the time to see it. I know it's hard. I've been there, different problem but I really messed things up. Some people never did accept me again. I, fortunately, have an understanding husband and it sounds like you do too. Just take it one day at a time and don't push too hard. I'm glad he is going in for appointments too. A good therapist should be able to help him understand.
Gothelp.
The only way for him to believe you're changed is to give him the time to see it. I know it's hard. I've been there, different problem but I really messed things up. Some people never did accept me again. I, fortunately, have an understanding husband and it sounds like you do too. Just take it one day at a time and don't push too hard. I'm glad he is going in for appointments too. A good therapist should be able to help him understand.
The only way for him to believe you're changed is to give him the time to see it. I know it's hard. I've been there, different problem but I really messed things up. Some people never did accept me again. I, fortunately, have an understanding husband and it sounds like you do too. Just take it one day at a time and don't push too hard. I'm glad he is going in for appointments too. A good therapist should be able to help him understand.
Joined: 03-04-2009