Psychosis?

I guess i am confortable enough to post this now. But I have these problems and I just wonder if it is usual or normal or if anyone else has these problems. I can see the energy or auras that come off of people. And I know that sounds weird, but I see it all the time. Not like in a cartoon, like everything looks strange and the energy lines just flow off of people. Gah, the more I write the mosre silly it all sounds. But it isn't silly, because I see these things and know that other people don't. I often wonder if maybe I just have a power to see something other people can't see. I don't know how to explain it. And sometimes its like there is a negative black energy that comes off of people and I am convicned theya re evil and trying to hurt me. That they want to find out something bad about me or denounce me as a fraud. My doctor has not given me a definite reason for this, so i wondered if I am theonly one. I feel lonely a lot even though Ihave a wonderful partner whois everything to me. But seeing these things is very isolating and its ahrd to pretend to be normal when I think I'm not.

I also have times where the noise is so loud in my head that i can't keep track of conversations. This has been helped by risperdal quite a bit. But without it things eventually get to where I feelliek I am hearing a radio switch from station to station really fast and can't tell if its in my head or outside of it somewhere or being projected by something into my head. This just makes me feel confused.

CAhulaw2007. Uh--well wow. I am sure you already know, or suspect that strictly speaking most Western scientific thought would label your aura seeing as part of the mania cycle. I however, am not so sure. I think there is a lot modern science (East or West) just does not know or know how to measure yet. After all, we had to have microscopes before we could confirm bacteria caused disease (although there was compelling statistical evidence before that) and electron microscopes and special dyes before we could see viruses. A lot of Eastern thought deals with chi--or a person's energy flow. So I wouldn't entirely rule out seeing auras.

I would also have an eye check--retinas can go wonky too and lead to seeing things strangely. So do some pre-migraine syndromes.

The thing is tho, if it bothers you and interferes with your daily functioning, you may want to treat it as part of the mania, or at least learn how to ignore it. I would be cautious in dealing with any negative black aura folks, but I would also hesitate in pre-judging them because there is no objective data on what, if anything a black aura means.

The loud noise in your head sounds like it is really bothering you and not much of an asset or interest. (at least the auras sound interesting.) If you haven't already done so, I suggest seeing an audiologist, the inner and middle ear can do strange things to people at times. After that is ruled out as a cause it sounds to me (no pun intended) that this is something you might want to work with your pdoc and others on eliminating or controlling.

I think the main thing is to be in a state where you can live a happy life with your partner, job, and any other interests. I hope you feel that way soon.

I just saw the eye doctor a week or two ago - I also worried that my eyes were going wonky. but aside from a rx change, my eyes are fine. the new glasses hasn't fixed the problem. it woudl not be a big deal but it is distracting and can be very scary sometimes. like i really feel like they will get me, or try to do bad things to me. sometimes everyone i look at seems like theyhave the evil aura. and even if i were seeing real auras, then how can everyone be evil all at once. but i am tired of no explanation. i dont feel manic otherwise - not right now anyway. But then the auras do not seem threatening rightnow either, they are just there.

as for the noise, it stopped almost immediately once i took risperdal. but risperdal side effects suck - in my opinion. thenoise level is now just slight - not overwhelming like it was.

i guess i just wonder why and wish i wasnt theonly one. i wish i'd read soemwhere that its normal.

but i seriously appreciated your response - it was very thoughtful, andyou didnt treat me like I have two heads, and I appreciate that.

CAhulaw2007 It sounds like you are feeling a bit better. I just wanted to let you know the respiradol people have a new product called Invega which I am on. Invega is the end product that respiradol turns into in your body, so it is in essence the same med. But is is packaged so it is delivered in your intestine and bypasses the stomach and liver, thereby eliminating some side effects. When I was on respiradol before, I had trouble with blood glucose, but this new version bypasses that problem. You might want to ask your pdoc about it..

I did experience something similar to this once for a few months. I think Lizabeth has given EXCELLANT advice already and can add little. I was put on Respiradol as well and had a HORRIBLE reaction to it. How long have you been seeing these auras? Do you actually hear sounds? For me it was just that thoughts were suddenly inside my brain that I knew didn't originate with my brain and they would distort or drown out what I was really hearing.

K

I used to see aura's around people years ago when I'd been hanging around people who were into the spirit stuff. I remember being very afraid of one unsavory young guy who had a firey red aura flaming wildly off his back. When Jesus saved me, I stopped seeing aura's. True story.

I have been debating whether to even reply to this at all. I probably shouldn't. In my opinion your post reminds me of the whole "if your faith were just stronger, you'd be fine," which if true, would mean you probably wouldn't be on this website. Everyone's illness manifests itself in some different ways. I don't even know what you mean by the "spirit stuff" - I mean aren't you, as a Christian, into the Holy Spirit as well then? I will probably get beaten down for replying to your post and I really mean no harm, but to me it is just a blow to say that to me, implying I don't have enough faith in G-d or am some kind of "spirit" worshipper. If there is a consensus that I was out of line in replying to this, I will consider staying off the forum for good so as not to offend anyone further.

PS. I'm Jewish.

I believe in the reality of mental illness and I believe in the reality of spiritual beings. Just because a person experiences either one does not make them a bad person. And just because a person does not believe in either one does not mean that they can't be affected by either. I try to be healthy physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually and although this helps to improve my health, it does not cure me. Even in the Bible miraculous cures were rare and for special purposes. I don't expect God to cure me at this time but I do have absolute faith that the promise that one day ALL suffering for everyone will be done away with.

(Isaiah 65:17-18) . . .For here I am creating new heavens and a new earth; and the former things will not be called to mind, neither will they come up into the heart. 18 But exult, YOU people, and be joyful forever in what I am creating. . . .
(Revelation 21:3-4) . . .With that I heard a loud voice from the throne say: “Look! The tent of God is with mankind, and he will reside with them, and they will be his peoples. And God himself will be with them. 4 And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.”


K

Cahulaw.
No need to stop posting here by my way of thinking. Whether or not auras have anything to do with spirituality or faith is irrelevant in my way of thinking. You see them and that bothers you. I too have seen them once or twice. Usually only when a person is extremely emotional. I think your best coarse is the medical field or to find a way to accept them.
Religion is a very touchy thing to talk about on a forum like this. Different beliefs can cause all kinds of misunderstandings and hurt feelings so i think it best to leave that part of our lives out of the picture. (Of course that's just my thought.)

I do believe in G-d and that one day there will be no suffering anymore, but in the meantime I do suffer, some days less than others, some days not at all. But its always there lying underneath everything in my life. If not for G-d I think I would not exist anymore. However, I never thought religion would get brought up, but it was right there and it honestly made me feel angry and belittled, though I am sure that was not the intent.

Just to clarify anyway, I wrote the original post when I was not feeling well mentally. I feel pretty good right now and have for the last several days and although things do still seem alittle bit out of whack, I don't feel the same as I did on the day I wrote that. That is how I feel when I feel "sick." Its all very confusing but I am sure I am not the only one who can tell by their posts how well they are (when you look back on them anyway).

Chaulaw
Sorry. I don't think that came out the way I meant it to. i wasn't trying to attack you for bringing up religion (Which I realize you didn't do) I was just trying to head off a long debate regarding religion versus secular cures for our illnesses.
If I offended you I apologize.

Apology to all.

I've just looked back at my post about aura's and I can see how it would offend people. It was written late at night with no emotion and comes across badly because I wasn't feeling anything.

I totally hate it when I'm suffering, struggling and in pain, then someone has the audacity to tell me I need more faith. It is an insult to someone who is already suffering and I would never say that to anyone.

Honestly, I wrote with the intent of sharing about "This weird and unexpected thing that happened to me". I am genuinely sorry for causing upset. I hope that you can let it pass by as a badly composed post by someone who should have been sleeping, not typing on the forum.