WHY DO I FEEL WORSE?

I am a 25 yr old female, and was diagnosed bipolar at 19....seen a couple of psychiatrist/psychologists that said I wasn't.I liked that diagnosis, because I was embarassed to be bipolar. I was 'fine', just had some 'issues' I told myself. So for years I tried to 'control' any and all episodes I would have myself. Didn't work so well. I wouldn't take my meds, including Lithium, the first time it was prescribed to me at 19. Would take antidepressants until they quit working then would go med free for a while due to just being tired of 'trying to find what worked for me'.

So I've not been taking any meds for depression (which is what I told myself was all it was for a long time until I couldn't deal with these episodes I kept having) or anything regularly up until the last 6 months. Everyone agreed I was depressed, doctors, family etc...but everyone who knows me was seeing something else too. I wanted to be sure it was Bipolar. Finally, after seeing a psychiatrist that didn't want to listen to me (when I knew something else was wrong with me and I couldn't deny it anymore), and he was so determined that I was just 'depressed', I sought out a new psych. Within the first fifteen minutes of talking to her, she diagnosed me Bipolar I mixed and started me on Lithium 300mg 2x a day. I finally accepted it. I just want to get better, I don't care how embarrassing being Bipolar is to me anymore. Sorry, but it is for me.

Not only am I more *irritable,explosive angry-emotional, moody, with uncontrollable crying- then fatigued, sleepy and wiped out, plus confusion * (that's how my cycle/episodes go) but I'm feeling general discomfort...anxious like. Like I have restless leg syndrome, but ALL over my body. Really restless feeling. Especially late at night or when I'm sitting still. And yesterday I was SOOOO drowsy I couldn't function. I'm tired today, but nothing like yesterday.

AND YES I DID CALL MY DR. She hasn't returned my call yet. I've researched all symptoms of Bipolar and Lithium side effects and read that Lithium can cause general discomfort at first, but drowsiness and restlessness (like I feel) is a sign of toxicity. I'm confused though, because if I'm toxic wouldn't my manic episodes be REALLY under control-isn't that what litium does, helps with mania?Shouldn't I be at least LESS irritable and angry? And if I am toxic, then wouldn't she have to cut the lithium back, and then my mania would get worse?

My levels are getting checked for the first time this Friday...but I guess I'm just confused over it all...I've finally accepted, yes, I am Bipolar, now I'm just trying to understand it all. My psych said the reason all the other meds I've ever been on didn't work because they weren't treating the Bipolar, just depression (and they only helped for a couple of months). I mean, is this the Lithium trying to work, or is it not enough? My psych mentioned maybe having to add to it. Am I showing signs of toxicity? I don't know if I can handle all this much longer, it's awful, this restlessness and uncomfortable feeling, I'm having a super hard time just sitting still to type this...

NicoElle
I'm really sorry that you're having a hard time of it. I've never been in the medical field but I have felt the way you are describing and all I can say is that eventually you and your PDOCs will find what works for you.
I know you're feeling bad but please hang in there. You've just recently gotten your bipIolar DX and it is a tricky illness to treat. Please keep seeing your doctor and write down any and all symptoms that are bothering you. Don't miss any appointments and make sure to take the meds your PDOC prescribes exactly the way you are supposed to. Don't jump to conclusions about how the meds are working right away. It can take time for your body to settle in to using them.
Remember that you aren't alone in this. I know it's embarrassing to admit to being bipolar but at least on this forum we all understand that.
Please keep us posted on how you're doing.
Be well