New and Over whelmed

Hi to all,
I have known for many a yr that I was bipolar. But had a hard time dealing with it as a disorder and place it to no where land. When I ask the family dr for a mood stabler she ask y. I said I suffer from boader line presonaltiy disorder. And these moods well I can not control them any longer. She ask me how long did I know I was bipolar. I sat there is kinda of a major shock. Because I did not say those words. I said when I was 16, than agin I was told when I was 24, And now I am 37 and i can't take this any more. She told me that there comes a time when you relize you have to get help and that you can no longer do it alone any more.
She put me on Lamictal 25 mg for 2 weeks and now I am on Lamictal 50 and i go back to see her on the i think it is the 20th of this month.
This realy way to much still to handle. I am sure it is the bipolar side of me saying I can't or I want do this. And I am pretty sure I will stop taking the meds. I mean I am a diabetic almost 3 yrs now. And I have thought a few times I don't need the meds, that I cam do this on my own. Well when that BS goes from 120 to way over 600 and you think you are gonna die you take the stupid meds.
I don't want to be bipolar. I want to be a normal person (if thats possable). I have been told I am whinny. And if thats how this comes off I am so sorry. I feel broken and over whelmed.

Sounds a little like a post I have made - I want to be normal too - I don't want to take medications - and taking thems ometimes just makes me feel pissed off honestly.

But I also love my job as a lawyer, I love my partner, I love my three kids. Ilove that i finished law school int he top of my class. I love that I haven't tried to jump out of a moving car on purpose in many years. In short, if not for the medication all these things i love woudl never have happened. i would not have been able to go to law school, much less function as a practicing attorney. I do what my doctor says because finally common sense is over riding my crazyness.

I feel your pain, but you need to get the help you need or the things in life you love you may lose and the things you thought you'd never have in life - you may nothave them without some help. I'm 38,. BTW, and did not ave it together for law school until my 30's. I didn't get a correct Dx until I was about 28 or so. I graduated from law school at age 36. Everyone has a dream - that was mine. So give yourself a chance to follow your own dreams...

Hi Dixie,

I've read your post and I really would like to give you a big hug. I've had major depression for years and I have learned to be very aware of the thought in my mind that say's, "I don't need these meds any more". That sentence in my head is a big warning to me that I DO have to keep taking the meds. Nothing good has ever happened when I've stopped taking my meds.

My son is bipolar and we have friends and other relatives who are bipolar. I don't think any of them have been described as normal, but they are funny, artistic, social, talented, caring (sometimes) people. Sometimes they have a rough trot but they are much loved through good and bad. They are never boring. I would never want to be without any of them. I know it isn't easy to be bipolar but try not to let the label define who you are.

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. Some meds take a while to work. You just have to hang in there until they kick in. There are people on this forum who can relate to what you're saying. You are not alone and people on this forum are very supportive and caring.

Big hug,
Kelpie

Sorry to hear all of that.

When I was first diagnosed a couple of weeks ago, I got really down on myself and got really frustrated. The depakote that I'm taking made me so sick to my stomach that I couldn't imagine how I could feel bettter.

Sometimes, I will admit that its best to see a psychiatrist for any sort of mental disorder. I was misdiagnosed by many general practicioners for years. I was taking Zoloft for 10 years. If you are bipolar, zoloft will actually cause you to rapid cycle. It was awful. As a whole, I usually don't like psychiatrists. I'm going to school to be a therapist so we often don't like how psychiatrists solve every problem by throwing meds at it. I know that bipolar disorder is one of those things though where you do need meds, so I sucked it up and went.

Honestly, it wasn't bad. I like my doctor and he was the first person to think to assess for bipolar. Try giving it a shot.

Hi Dixie, Yes the whole bipolar thing is overwhelming, escpecially at first. That is why I was so blessed to have a GOOD pdoc and tdoc (med prescriber and talk therapist) to help me adjust to the new diagnosis. I had been wrongly called unipolar Depressed for ten years. Really good docs are your best allies and when the meds are right they help you be "normal" whatever that will be for you.

It helps me to remember there really is no "normal". As long as my meds help me to be able to do the things I want to do, and I know from experience I can't do those things without the meds, I consider those meds a part of my normal. Do I wish I didn't need them--yes sure. But wishing doesn't change the realness of bipolar, if it did we would bottle and sell that cure for sure.

sounds random, but i find a good way of tracking my moods is to paste my days mood journal into wordle ( www.wordle.net/) and that way you have something to show for your emotions and also, if you keep record of them in favourites, when your down you can read the happier ones, which may either piss you off more or it can remind you that you think differently and youl get thru this feeling