My Husband resents me
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April 20, 2009 - 7:57 pm
My husband has been getting upset with me lately with me having bi-polar I was a very aggressive and outgoing woman that he fell in love with and now I am weak and feel worthless and he told me that and he misses the woman he married - I don't want to lose him, I am trying to explain to him when I am at a calming mode but sometimes I don't know how I am going to be the next day. He has been thru a lot and I love him for it and I am not sure that anyone else would put up with me so I feel blessed does anyone have any advice, I have taken him to the doctors with me so that is no help.
Medications for March 2009
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My husband has been getting upset with me lately with me having bi-polar I was a very aggressive and outgoing woman that he fell in love with and now I am weak and feel worthless and he told me that and he misses the woman he married - I don't want to lose him, I am trying to explain to him when I am at a calming mode but sometimes I don't know how I am going to be the next day. He has been thru a lot and I love him for it and I am not sure that anyone else would put up with me so I feel blessed does anyone have any advice, I have taken him to the doctors with me so that is no help.
Medications for March 2009
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April 20, 2009 - 10:32 pm
Total Posts: 203
Joined: 01-27-2009
Joined: 01-27-2009
For a long time my husband missed the woman he married too.
I changed so often and so unexpectedly it was hard for him to keep up.
I felt the same way you do. I didn't know how he could put up with someone like me let alone love me.
The answer was in him. He's sitting near me and I read your post to him. He smiled and just said. "Sure he'll stay with her. He loves her." Just show him that you're trying and give him all the love you can spare and understand that it's hard on both of you.
I hope you two both get to love the new you soon.
If not it will probably change next week anyway.
I changed so often and so unexpectedly it was hard for him to keep up.
I felt the same way you do. I didn't know how he could put up with someone like me let alone love me.
The answer was in him. He's sitting near me and I read your post to him. He smiled and just said. "Sure he'll stay with her. He loves her." Just show him that you're trying and give him all the love you can spare and understand that it's hard on both of you.
I hope you two both get to love the new you soon.
If not it will probably change next week anyway.
This is an entry. It enters but is not a tree ;)
For a long time my husband missed the woman he married too.
I changed so often and so unexpectedly it was hard for him to keep up.
I felt the same way you do. I didn't know how he could put up with someone like me let alone love me.
The answer was in him. He's sitting near me and I read your post to him. He smiled and just said. "Sure he'll stay with her. He loves her." Just show him that you're trying and give him all the love you can spare and understand that it's hard on both of you.
I hope you two both get to love the new you soon.
If not it will probably change next week anyway.
I changed so often and so unexpectedly it was hard for him to keep up.
I felt the same way you do. I didn't know how he could put up with someone like me let alone love me.
The answer was in him. He's sitting near me and I read your post to him. He smiled and just said. "Sure he'll stay with her. He loves her." Just show him that you're trying and give him all the love you can spare and understand that it's hard on both of you.
I hope you two both get to love the new you soon.
If not it will probably change next week anyway.
This is an entry. It enters but is not a tree ;)
April 21, 2009 - 6:57 am
Total Posts: 8
Joined: 12-20-2008
Joined: 12-20-2008
Mooky looks like you have a very understanding husband and I am going to try to sit down with him during my calm periods explain to him what I am going thru...thanks for the reply
Mooky looks like you have a very understanding husband and I am going to try to sit down with him during my calm periods explain to him what I am going thru...thanks for the reply
April 21, 2009 - 7:10 am
Total Posts: 24
Joined: 04-12-2009
Joined: 04-12-2009
LisaPricebea
I know what you are going through. My husband never gave me the impression he resented me as much as he just seemed helpless and wanted to run because he couldn't understand it all. That book I have talked about here on the forum before is The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide. I begged him to read it so he could understand more. There are section in there for family members. My husband hates to read. I was really hurt he wouldn't do it. I finally compromised and highlighted the parts I really needed him to know that would shed some light on the subject. He read them, and it seemed to help a lot. Try to encourage him to get educated so he can begin to understand and realize that this is just temporary and the "you" he married is still in there and she is coming back with less mood swings. It just takes time. Tell him it is like recovering from surgery or cancer, you are healing now, and the more support he gives you, the faster you will heal. P.S. I don't encourage letting him read this forum. This is where most of us lean on eachother with our darkest thoughts and that may scare him.
I know what you are going through. My husband never gave me the impression he resented me as much as he just seemed helpless and wanted to run because he couldn't understand it all. That book I have talked about here on the forum before is The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide. I begged him to read it so he could understand more. There are section in there for family members. My husband hates to read. I was really hurt he wouldn't do it. I finally compromised and highlighted the parts I really needed him to know that would shed some light on the subject. He read them, and it seemed to help a lot. Try to encourage him to get educated so he can begin to understand and realize that this is just temporary and the "you" he married is still in there and she is coming back with less mood swings. It just takes time. Tell him it is like recovering from surgery or cancer, you are healing now, and the more support he gives you, the faster you will heal. P.S. I don't encourage letting him read this forum. This is where most of us lean on eachother with our darkest thoughts and that may scare him.
adollphin
LisaPricebea
I know what you are going through. My husband never gave me the impression he resented me as much as he just seemed helpless and wanted to run because he couldn't understand it all. That book I have talked about here on the forum before is The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide. I begged him to read it so he could understand more. There are section in there for family members. My husband hates to read. I was really hurt he wouldn't do it. I finally compromised and highlighted the parts I really needed him to know that would shed some light on the subject. He read them, and it seemed to help a lot. Try to encourage him to get educated so he can begin to understand and realize that this is just temporary and the "you" he married is still in there and she is coming back with less mood swings. It just takes time. Tell him it is like recovering from surgery or cancer, you are healing now, and the more support he gives you, the faster you will heal. P.S. I don't encourage letting him read this forum. This is where most of us lean on eachother with our darkest thoughts and that may scare him.
I know what you are going through. My husband never gave me the impression he resented me as much as he just seemed helpless and wanted to run because he couldn't understand it all. That book I have talked about here on the forum before is The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide. I begged him to read it so he could understand more. There are section in there for family members. My husband hates to read. I was really hurt he wouldn't do it. I finally compromised and highlighted the parts I really needed him to know that would shed some light on the subject. He read them, and it seemed to help a lot. Try to encourage him to get educated so he can begin to understand and realize that this is just temporary and the "you" he married is still in there and she is coming back with less mood swings. It just takes time. Tell him it is like recovering from surgery or cancer, you are healing now, and the more support he gives you, the faster you will heal. P.S. I don't encourage letting him read this forum. This is where most of us lean on eachother with our darkest thoughts and that may scare him.
adollphin
April 21, 2009 - 8:09 am
Total Posts: 52
Joined: 03-31-2009
Joined: 03-31-2009
It is really hard on our family members. Try to do your best to explain what you're going through. If needed, see if one of your doctors can recommend a good therapist that can maybe help the two of you work together to understand how to manage your bipolar as a team.
My husband has been overall supportive, but there are times that he really doesn't get it. When I take my meds he always says, "I hope you don' t have to take those for the rest of your life." Then I get contradictory messages about how he's so happy to have the woman he met back. I'm sure whatever we go through is just as puzzling to those around us as it is to us.
My husband has been overall supportive, but there are times that he really doesn't get it. When I take my meds he always says, "I hope you don' t have to take those for the rest of your life." Then I get contradictory messages about how he's so happy to have the woman he met back. I'm sure whatever we go through is just as puzzling to those around us as it is to us.
It is really hard on our family members. Try to do your best to explain what you're going through. If needed, see if one of your doctors can recommend a good therapist that can maybe help the two of you work together to understand how to manage your bipolar as a team.
My husband has been overall supportive, but there are times that he really doesn't get it. When I take my meds he always says, "I hope you don' t have to take those for the rest of your life." Then I get contradictory messages about how he's so happy to have the woman he met back. I'm sure whatever we go through is just as puzzling to those around us as it is to us.
My husband has been overall supportive, but there are times that he really doesn't get it. When I take my meds he always says, "I hope you don' t have to take those for the rest of your life." Then I get contradictory messages about how he's so happy to have the woman he met back. I'm sure whatever we go through is just as puzzling to those around us as it is to us.
April 27, 2009 - 7:28 am
Total Posts: 10
Joined: 04-01-2009
Joined: 04-01-2009
It's always hard on the partners (and kids) to have to deal with us - very changeable people. I am not dependent on my husband, though he often refuses to put me in situations where I might become more stressed (eg being away overnight - or more! - with work), sometimes to his own detriment. I love that he fills in all the gaps that I just can't cope with - I feel lazy and like I'm not pulling my weight in the relationship. He isn't my 'carer' in the strict sense, but he certainly cares for me. And as you've all described, that can take its toll on our family and friends. For us, part of the solution is to provide him with time out from dealing with me. So Wednesday nights are sacrosanct - he goes to a friends, veges, eats what he wants, watches sci-fi videos until about midnight. If, for some reason, that really can't be done, it is transferred to another night. That gives him back some perspective, and makes him feel like I care for him, too.
As for the understanding of who I am, I took him to the doctor, made him read, watched some videos on the subject, told him what I knew, researched together, etc. It was only several years later that it all made sense to him and he realised that I couldn't "just calm down" or "just snap out of it", etc by listening to a radio program that more or less reinforced all I'd be saying. The key thing he understands about it all now is that it is a physical condition, not something in my head that I can grow out of if I try hard enough. He refers to it as something like "mental diabetes" - you have something that doesn't work right to produce the appropriate whatevers, just like insulin-dependent diabetics. And they have to accept that they will need to have insulin forever to keep them healthy. That's why I have a cocktail of pills each day - they are largely prophylactic.
As for the understanding of who I am, I took him to the doctor, made him read, watched some videos on the subject, told him what I knew, researched together, etc. It was only several years later that it all made sense to him and he realised that I couldn't "just calm down" or "just snap out of it", etc by listening to a radio program that more or less reinforced all I'd be saying. The key thing he understands about it all now is that it is a physical condition, not something in my head that I can grow out of if I try hard enough. He refers to it as something like "mental diabetes" - you have something that doesn't work right to produce the appropriate whatevers, just like insulin-dependent diabetics. And they have to accept that they will need to have insulin forever to keep them healthy. That's why I have a cocktail of pills each day - they are largely prophylactic.
Wotcrazyness
It's always hard on the partners (and kids) to have to deal with us - very changeable people. I am not dependent on my husband, though he often refuses to put me in situations where I might become more stressed (eg being away overnight - or more! - with work), sometimes to his own detriment. I love that he fills in all the gaps that I just can't cope with - I feel lazy and like I'm not pulling my weight in the relationship. He isn't my 'carer' in the strict sense, but he certainly cares for me. And as you've all described, that can take its toll on our family and friends. For us, part of the solution is to provide him with time out from dealing with me. So Wednesday nights are sacrosanct - he goes to a friends, veges, eats what he wants, watches sci-fi videos until about midnight. If, for some reason, that really can't be done, it is transferred to another night. That gives him back some perspective, and makes him feel like I care for him, too.
As for the understanding of who I am, I took him to the doctor, made him read, watched some videos on the subject, told him what I knew, researched together, etc. It was only several years later that it all made sense to him and he realised that I couldn't "just calm down" or "just snap out of it", etc by listening to a radio program that more or less reinforced all I'd be saying. The key thing he understands about it all now is that it is a physical condition, not something in my head that I can grow out of if I try hard enough. He refers to it as something like "mental diabetes" - you have something that doesn't work right to produce the appropriate whatevers, just like insulin-dependent diabetics. And they have to accept that they will need to have insulin forever to keep them healthy. That's why I have a cocktail of pills each day - they are largely prophylactic.
As for the understanding of who I am, I took him to the doctor, made him read, watched some videos on the subject, told him what I knew, researched together, etc. It was only several years later that it all made sense to him and he realised that I couldn't "just calm down" or "just snap out of it", etc by listening to a radio program that more or less reinforced all I'd be saying. The key thing he understands about it all now is that it is a physical condition, not something in my head that I can grow out of if I try hard enough. He refers to it as something like "mental diabetes" - you have something that doesn't work right to produce the appropriate whatevers, just like insulin-dependent diabetics. And they have to accept that they will need to have insulin forever to keep them healthy. That's why I have a cocktail of pills each day - they are largely prophylactic.
Wotcrazyness
April 27, 2009 - 6:00 pm
Total Posts: 203
Joined: 01-27-2009
Joined: 01-27-2009
One thing that I did find out is that sometimes I can be too bipolar for my family. I know that sounds strange but let me explain.
They are very supportive and understanding but sometimes they just need a break, and so do I. I can tend to become a bipolar/psych patient and forget to be just a person. That makes it double hard on others to be around me. All I do is talk about moods and emotions and PDOCS and meds. I need to remember that bipolar disorder is what i have not what I am.
That is harder for me when I'm depressive so I try harder at those times to either stay away from my family for a few hours to let them have a break or at least not talk about bipolar disorder more than I have to.
I'm sure my kids appreciate it a lot and so does my husband.
Right now my Tdoc and I are working on helping me live now instead of in my, rather troubled, past.
I think that will help my family a lot too. Just having me think about the here and now and not the old pains and fears.
Mooky
They are very supportive and understanding but sometimes they just need a break, and so do I. I can tend to become a bipolar/psych patient and forget to be just a person. That makes it double hard on others to be around me. All I do is talk about moods and emotions and PDOCS and meds. I need to remember that bipolar disorder is what i have not what I am.
That is harder for me when I'm depressive so I try harder at those times to either stay away from my family for a few hours to let them have a break or at least not talk about bipolar disorder more than I have to.
I'm sure my kids appreciate it a lot and so does my husband.
Right now my Tdoc and I are working on helping me live now instead of in my, rather troubled, past.
I think that will help my family a lot too. Just having me think about the here and now and not the old pains and fears.
Mooky
One thing that I did find out is that sometimes I can be too bipolar for my family. I know that sounds strange but let me explain.
They are very supportive and understanding but sometimes they just need a break, and so do I. I can tend to become a bipolar/psych patient and forget to be just a person. That makes it double hard on others to be around me. All I do is talk about moods and emotions and PDOCS and meds. I need to remember that bipolar disorder is what i have not what I am.
That is harder for me when I'm depressive so I try harder at those times to either stay away from my family for a few hours to let them have a break or at least not talk about bipolar disorder more than I have to.
I'm sure my kids appreciate it a lot and so does my husband.
Right now my Tdoc and I are working on helping me live now instead of in my, rather troubled, past.
I think that will help my family a lot too. Just having me think about the here and now and not the old pains and fears.
Mooky
They are very supportive and understanding but sometimes they just need a break, and so do I. I can tend to become a bipolar/psych patient and forget to be just a person. That makes it double hard on others to be around me. All I do is talk about moods and emotions and PDOCS and meds. I need to remember that bipolar disorder is what i have not what I am.
That is harder for me when I'm depressive so I try harder at those times to either stay away from my family for a few hours to let them have a break or at least not talk about bipolar disorder more than I have to.
I'm sure my kids appreciate it a lot and so does my husband.
Right now my Tdoc and I are working on helping me live now instead of in my, rather troubled, past.
I think that will help my family a lot too. Just having me think about the here and now and not the old pains and fears.
Mooky
April 27, 2009 - 9:54 pm
Total Posts: 20
Joined: 04-08-2009
Joined: 04-08-2009
There are times that I feel very insecure in the relationship I am in. It's like a doubt that he really knew what he was signing up for when we got married and may be taking it lightly. I tell him the things that he needs to look for incase I dont see them and some of the impulsive things that I may do. I ask and hope for him to be understanding and know that I really am doing the best I can, but I cant read his mind either. Untreated I know already I have put him through hell and wouldnt wish what I've done to him on my worst enemy, but yet I tell him I love him and act out just the same. Maybe it's the times like now, when the meds are balanced, makes the hell worthwhile to him. It's an insecurity that I truly have. I have the habit of driving my mates to the edge, this is the first one I've been under treatment with. I've written before about the wreckage I've left behind and I dont want him to be a part of it. The solution here is to work with the dr's and try to tell him either how I feel or how I believe I feel and hope its not too much for him. So far so good.
There are times that I feel very insecure in the relationship I am in. It's like a doubt that he really knew what he was signing up for when we got married and may be taking it lightly. I tell him the things that he needs to look for incase I dont see them and some of the impulsive things that I may do. I ask and hope for him to be understanding and know that I really am doing the best I can, but I cant read his mind either. Untreated I know already I have put him through hell and wouldnt wish what I've done to him on my worst enemy, but yet I tell him I love him and act out just the same. Maybe it's the times like now, when the meds are balanced, makes the hell worthwhile to him. It's an insecurity that I truly have. I have the habit of driving my mates to the edge, this is the first one I've been under treatment with. I've written before about the wreckage I've left behind and I dont want him to be a part of it. The solution here is to work with the dr's and try to tell him either how I feel or how I believe I feel and hope its not too much for him. So far so good.
April 28, 2009 - 8:29 am
Total Posts: 8
Joined: 12-20-2008
Joined: 12-20-2008
I am going to try the highlighting the parts of tthis forum for him to read because my husband does not like to read either. I am feeling good right now I guess I am baseline but I am subbing for school tomorrow and the anxiety is coming already keep good thoughts for me. Being on Disability I can work so much if able and I want to but its these damn attacks I get that ruin it for me. I have very shaky hands and yesterday they did all these tests on me so maybe something else is going on as well.
I am going to try the highlighting the parts of tthis forum for him to read because my husband does not like to read either. I am feeling good right now I guess I am baseline but I am subbing for school tomorrow and the anxiety is coming already keep good thoughts for me. Being on Disability I can work so much if able and I want to but its these damn attacks I get that ruin it for me. I have very shaky hands and yesterday they did all these tests on me so maybe something else is going on as well.
Joined: 12-20-2008