Should I tell?????????

Okay I don't mean to keep with so many postings. But I wanted to ask something. And there is a dust storm going on out side and my thoughts keep going. I know I realy need to get out to the farming work. Sorry, this is how my thought go too. Pls forgive me?
This is what I want to know. Okay my husband was with me at the dr vist when my dr said it was bipolar not boaderline personality diasorder. When she also put me on the bipolar meds. I have only told my best friend who is also bipolar. She called to talk with me one evening and I said i would like to know something about your bipolar. She is a great person. She said ask. I ask her how long has she known. 20 yrs she said. I ask her how did she feel when she was told. She told me it was an ah ha type of thing. Like I looked back at some of the crazy mess and said ah thats what was happening, thats why I did this or that. Than she said why did you ask that. I told her and she said I kinda thought so but I am no dr and could not say 100% thats what was wrong with you. I told her the meds I was taking and she told me to follow the dr advice. She ask me did I tell the kids or my mom, dad, step mom, or the rest of the family.
I have not told anyone. I don't feel I should. I mean it is not like I am going to die from it. And I am concerned they would hold it against me. I want to tell a few friends, but they run off at the mouth way too much. To tell the truth the only reason I am sharing here is because I don't think any of you know me LOL and from what I am learning even if ya'll did you would not tell it.
So should I tell?
My mother lives 400 miles away. My dad and one sister just a few miles away. The other sister a 40 miles away. And both brothers well who knows. I was in a bipolar chat room. And someone ask me when i frst joined if I had told the family I said no. Than a few days later when I went back I ask this ...Should I tell them, and if so how would I go about doing it? Someone there told me i should keep my big mouth shut. It was not there business.
So should I tell them?

Only tell who you feel needs to know. My husband, my parents, and a few of my friends know. Other than that, its kind of a need to know basis.

I think I'll have to let my academic advisor know once I apply for the next phase of my program. Its just to make sure if we have our own mental disorders (which isn't unusual for therapists) that we are getting treatment. I don't think people really need to know.

hey../ well -- I can only speak from my experience.

As soon as I was diagnosed with bipolar.. yea i guess i had that "AH_HA" feeling. ... I was so manic and it was hard to keep under control.

I told everyone.. friends, family , pastor - and afterwards they all looked at me differently.

My parents say: You're faking.. you're too smart to be bipolar..
Better stop doing drugs!

I was employed as a church musician at the time and so I told the pastor.. then, he prayed for me and next week .. i heard him metioning stuff about it in his sermon. It really upset me.. so much that I ran from the piano to the back and cried. I couldn't even finish the service... -

- well... basically I say tell.. if u think it will make u feel better.

But just know that the only people who REALLY care about u will take the time to understand. It's hard to get people to educate themselves about a mental diagnosis that is not their own.

If ur not sure if they care.. don't tell.. - - OHHHHH and please.. don't let any employer find out. I had a sick experience with that.

Good luck

Oh Dixie.... what a topic! Such an important topic.

I am an accomplished, successful mental health professional who has standing in my community. (and that's NOT the hypomania talking... lol) I am a recovering addict with 17 years of solid recovery under my belt. I can tell you that I have chosen to be "public" about my recovery and am an advocate for recovering people. However, even though I am a vocal advocate for people with mental health issues, I am NOT public about my own bipolar diagnosis.

That may seem like a personal contradiction. But, I know that people treat recovery from addictions with FAR more respect and dignity than they do recovery from a psychiatric diagnosis. There is simply too much stigma around bipolar disorder. People have all kinds of horrible ideas about what person with bipolar disorder might say or do.

I would love nothing more than to be fully "out of the closet" in order to show that bipolar people can be active, successful members of the community. I have talked about "coming out" with my therapist several times. But, the risk is simply too high. The damage to my life and to my career could be beyond what I'm willing to sacrifice at this point in my life. That may change.

I have also NOT told my family. I come from generational alcoholism as well as a variety of untreated psychiatric diagnoses. I have always been seen as the stable member of the family (ha!!) I believe that any "announcement" that I made of my diagnosis AND treatment would be pooh-poohed. It would be totally downplayed and I would be told that I was over-reacting because of my line of work. So... I just don't need to set myself up for that, and I won't.

I have told close friends that I can trust with the information. With them, the information was well received and my struggles were validated. My husband was wonderful and has been extremely helpful. My pastor, who is also a recovering alcoholic, is extremely supportive of me, although he has had a bad experience with a bipolar congregant who insisted on treating her condition with prayer alone. (I believe God can heal... I just believe you need to be healed BEFORE you stop your meds!)

I pray there will come a time that the stigma will be erased and that bipolar can be talked about just like diabetes. Until then, I will be selective about whom I choose to share with.

Be well,
Jules

Boy do I envy the ability you all have to keep your DX a secret.
The moment I start to go manic my mouth opens and everything comes rolling out. Lucky for me I'm a stay at home mom so I can't really be fired because I have a mental illness. My family is very supportive.
Since I am open about my DX I try very hard to educate people about it. I try to dispel the myth that we suddenly change mood at the drop of a hat from happy go lucky to trying to kill people and stuff like that.
The more I learn about it the better I'm prepared to answer questions.
I encourage questions.
I may not be the best poster girl for bipolar but I am doing my best to fight the stigma in my own little way.

Back before my diagnosis was corrected, when they thought I had Major Depression with Anxiety disorder I was open about it. The supervisor I had at the time was supportive. Then we got a new supervisor and guess what. The tactics she used to eliminate anyone, including me, who did not fit her mindless overtime drone idea of nurses were just barely legal. And the upper administrator--also a newbie in that postion supported her. I also lost one friend for awhile because he could not figure out what to say to me. (He has since figured out just treat me like--suprise, surprise---a person.)

I would say, for BP, which has an even greater stigma, disclose only to your closest friends who will really listen to you. If in doubt, say nothing. Family fits in the same class--only if you think they will listen to you. My brother, who I am not physically(five hour drive) or emotionally close to knew about the Depression but not the diagnosis change and I'm not sure if I'll tell him.

I absolutely would not disclose at work--this applies to human resources too. As long as you are doing your job, they don't need to know. They are there to protect the company--not you. If they have to know for some reason such as disability remind them of your confindentiality rights. What happened to me occured at a supposedly "Christian Hospital" that spent endless hours and meeting preaching the "values" they expected their employees to embody but that turned out to be a one-way street.

I don't pretend this is impartial advice--I still am bitter about how I was treated. I believed they meant their values and they did not. As soon as anything affects the amount of money a company will have to spend, either in medical leave or anything else, I feel money will override anything else.

I have friends I will probably tell about the new diagnosis---the ones who listened to me and learned what the old diagnosis meant.

I know the stigma attached to Mental Health is false. We have just as physical an illness as anyone else with a chronic condition like asthma or diabetes. But the public in general has not accepted that yet and most people won't change what they think they know without a powerful personal reason to do so. Just be sure you don't believe the stigma yourself.

And there is no such thing as posting to much--its what the forum is for.

Wow, in reading this forum subject matter I realize how lucky I have been because I have been very open about my diagnosis. I was really good at hiding most of my symptoms so a lot of people I told actually argued with me and told me I was not bipolar and I didn't need meds. Lucky for me I didn't listen to them.

My husband did not deal well, but once he was educated he came around. When I am open about my "illness" I call it most of the time, I take it as an opportunity to educate people. I tell them it runs in my family, I explain how the meds I take work. I tell them how my life has changed for the better as a result. I point out that I know there is a stigma but I am not willing to accept it.

I worked for a company that could tell I had definatly gone down hill, I had to tell them something. I chose honesty, I took my full FMLA time(I never told the HR lady, but my bosses knew) and when I came back I was honest that my meds were drugging me too much and I felt it wasn't safe for me to drive to work, but I wasn't willing to stop the meds. I negotiated a new position for myself only working part time so I could sleep in and come to the office later in the day. I think the reason I was able to do that was because I work for a company of very family oriented people and my boss is married to my husbands cousin. I also had a reputation for doing a great job so they didn't want to throw me away. I think I was on my husbands insurance so that probably didn't effect them either.

I can say I don't think I lost any friends, I actually have gained a lot and enhanced the friendships I already had as I function better in the world.

Because I have been open, when other people are struggling with the diagnosis or hear another friend or family member has it, they come straight to me and pick my brain. It makes me feel like I can give something back in giving comfort and hope to those people and taking on the stigma to change people's minds.

I still do not work full time 4 years later, I don't like it, it makes me feel like less of a person, but I finally accepted it. The truth is I could have forced myself, but my symptoms seem to get worse with the stress and anxiety of a full time job.

As it turns out at least 3 of the family members of my bosses have since received the diagnosis. They have loved using me as a rescource for information (in quiet conversations, not in front of all the new people that have come along). One of my co-workers (bosses grandson) is in the middle of a huge mania. He is in denial and I spoke to him quietly about it last week. He called me two days ago and said he went back to the pdoc and is going to raise his meds for a while to see if the symptoms subside. He said it was only because he knew I was educated about the illness that he listened to me.

I hope this doesn't come across as know it all, because it is actually gratitude because I have been so lucky. I do think that my confidence in delivering the news about saying that I will be fine has helped, along with the little education speech. It seems to inspire their confidence that they don't have to walk around on eggshells around me.

But secretly, I do sit in a room of people some times and thinkg "they know", that makes me the "freak" in the room. That is actually something I just realized I am doing, I still struggle with the diagnosis. But for me, in not hiding it, it forces me to confront the issue every day and not run from it.

I am so sorry that most of your seem to have had less success in telling people or trusting people, but I say go with your gut. I won't tell someone if I don't think they can handle it.

Do what you are comfortable with, especially if you are in a profession that would cause you more problems to tell like nursing, tdoc, teacher, etc.

I know this one should be going going gone by now BUT:
My daddys daughter (half sister long story). IS bipolor. She has not been afriad of where it would go or what it would seem to be like if someone knows. I ask her yesterday how it all made her feel. This is what I was told: Dixie, sweetie I have a better undertsanding of who I am now. Yes I have told my friends but only the ones close to me. And most the family knows. So when I am feeling out of it the are able to help. Than she gave me a huge RED folder with every thing she has found since she was dx 7 yrs ago.
Here is a major concern for me. My daughter (16) is pregant. have shared all the other health things with the family. They have known for yrs that I suffered from depression. And have tried to keep me from killing my self in the past. I realy do love then all.
But now that my little dixie is haveing the frist grand child what do i do? keep this too my self anf hope I can help her with the baby, or do I tell?
I am worried about this. The babys dady is bipolor also he is 19. My heart hurts for all the things this child may suffer from because I feel like I should not have been a mother. I am passing some crazy stuff on you know?

Dixie.
Maybe I'm not the right one to give advice but I'll throw in my two cents worth anyway.
Your grandchild has a good chance of inheriting since both you and the father are bipolar. Your daughter knows the father is bipolar right?
Are the two going to be together to raise the child?
If not you may be the best help your daughter can have when trying to raise the little one. Someone who knows what to watch out for and how to help as the child grows up.
If it were me I'd tell my daughter tat i was bipolar and help her learn more about it through and with me.
If she and the father will be together she'll need support to help him and if they aren't she'll need help with the little one and may not know to watch out for BP if you don't tell since she may not know it's inherited.
That's just one persons opinion though. You know your daughter best and you understand the situation better than I.
I wish you all well.

Mooky

Dear Dixie, I can understand your worry, I to am severely depressed and bi-polar. My daughter knew about it most of her life, she suffered along with me! Not the best childhood but I really tried. As for the suicide risks and thoughts, I have tried 4 times, 2 of them were so close I ended up in the hospital for 8 weeks. What I am trying to say is I to worryed about my first grandchild and how he would be cared for! My daughter suffers from severe depression, and not to sure about the bi-polar yet....there are signs but she wont get treatment. She saids she does not want to be like me. Anyhow she had the baby and he is 2 years now, he has given me a reason to fight not to kill myself......its not easy some days but , when I see or hear him, I know I have to fight! Sure he runs the risk of having the same illnesses but I know God will take care of him. I know its hard to believe but he never gives us to much we cant handle. I still have my bad times but my grandson is the bright lite in my life. And if he does turn up to having something wrong, we will handle it togethier. Maybe they will have better meds by the time our grandchildren our older. Once you hold that baby, your heart will melt! Also your daughter is young she will need your help. I find that I am a much better grandma then I was a mom. Mch more patience and have grown inside as well. I hope this helps you, I will be here if you find yourself needing someone to talk to. luv...manic

Dixie,

You know... this is a difficult ethical and moral dilemma. However, I hope that maybe I can put a little different spin on it.

My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic. My paternal grandfather was a cruel, sexually and physically abusive man. My father was both an alcoholic and bipolar. My mother had major depression. Life has been anything BUT a bed of roses for me. At 47 years of age, I am an addict (with 17 years of recovery now, by the grace of God), a recovered morbidly obese person (who has lost 150lbs thanks to a bariatric intervention), and a person with bipolar disorder.

HOWEVER... if my parents had chosen not to have me because they somehow knew that I would have all of these struggles, I believe THAT would have been a tragedy too. I have a place in this world. I have gifts to offer this world... and my life matters. Yes, I have had Herculean battles with my demons. I have been suicidal at times (it is the hallmark of bipolar disorder). But, I make a difference for those that I come into contact with.

My struggles, through the grace of a loving God, have given me a strength and a depth that allow me to, in turn, help others who are the same road as I am... just a little further back. I can turn around and reach out my hand and say, "C'mon... you can do it! It IS possible!... we can do it together."

My struggles have made me strong enough to finish several advanced degrees, to reach the pinnacle of my chosen career, and to be well-respected in my community. I am NOT saying this brag. I am only saying this to show that challenged children need not be mourned from the start. Challenged children need to be shown how to meet their struggles in such a way that they are stronger on the other side. To learn that challenges are simply another part of life... and that some people just have more than others.

And one more thing about having potentially bipolar children. Bipolar is a gift and a curse. Learning to harness the "gift" is a treasure, indeed. Some of THE MOST creative and talented people in our history were also bipolar. Bipolar brains are wired different than non-bipolar brains. We can think in a MUCH more creative way than most people can think. Now that I understand that... I love my gift. I have to struggle with the downside (and, OH, do I struggle!!), but I dearly love my gift.

I don't intend to come across as a pollyanna, here. I know the pain of bipolar. I have had it since my early 20's, but have only recently been properly diagnosed. I simply want to say that I'm really glad that my Mom and Dad had me, in spite of their own genetic disease load. I am also at risk for heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, and cancer (from both sides of the family). I wouldn't have wanted to them to skip having me for those reasons either. Even if something takes me to heaven tomorrow... of the 47 years that I've had on this earth, I can say honestly say that I have no regrets for having lived the precious life I've been given.

Be well,
Jules