My husband is leaving because it has a name

I don't know what to do. It's my fault, I quit taking my meds and went not surprisingly bonkers. I am bipolar with rapid cycling and I mean rapid. I kept telling my Dr the meds made my stomach hurt and he wouldn't listen. I quit taking it and all heck broke loose. Well I now have a new Dr and I am talking a new medictation that seems to be working. My husband of 26 years says he's tired of it and I"ve hurt him too much to give me yet another chance as he says, He says he doesn't love me as a wife anymore so he's leaving. He hasn't left and that was a month ago, he says he wants to help me through the transition of him leaving. What do I do? I know he loves me, how do I explain to him that the person he saw was not who I am. It is a disease. How do I make him listen and let him know that it doesn't have to be that way ever again .Is there a way to help him see and believe? How do I get him to forgive me if not the disease. I didn't do it intentionally like he thinks. Help, how do I make him see that the woman he married is still here.

Have you guys tried any type of counseling or therapy together?

I think that would be the most beneficial in your case. Good luck.

Have you considered taking him to one of your pdoc sessions and letting him explain it. Sometimes hearing it from an expert works better than trying to explain it yourself. Or if you have a tdoc that might be even better because those sessions are usually longer and your husband could ask questions.

I think the joint counseling is also a good idea as long as the counselor understands about Bipolar.

My fiance and I struggle with my bipolar constantly. My doctor is still trying to stabilize my meds and my moods. A while back we started reading books on bipolar TOGETHER. It has been helping us. He is beginning to realize that my random moods, odd thoughts, and obnoxious actions and behaviors aren't who he fell in love with but a disease that the person he loves has. He is very supportive but at times he forgets which is human. I would suggest reading bipolar books. A good one for the partner of someone who is bipolar is called LOVING SOMEONE WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER, books by Julie A Fast are good too. So is BIPOLAR DISORDER DEMYSTIFIED. I wish you the best. Good luck.

We were seeing a marriage counselor, but he won't go anymore. He would have to want to save our marriage to go and he doesn't. I've taken him to my shrink with me and bought three Bipolar books and highlighted sections for him to read. I've been seeing our counselor by myself, he tells me that if he really wanted to leave he would be gone?? If thats true why is he so distant and insisting that its wishful thinking on my part that he loves me. Thanks for the replies, at least I was on the right track with what I've been doing.

I am sorry that you are going through this. I'm not a professional but it sounds almost like what my husband did to me a few years ago. Only he didn't leave me physically he just shut me out emotionally because he didn't understand why I was being the way I was (extremely depressed, crying all the time for no reason,etc)

It sounds almost as if your husband is trying to give you an unspoken ultimatum "Either get your act together or I'm leaving!" It is so hard for them to understand that a lot of the time we don't have control over our own actions.

A few months into my down spiral, I decided that I wanted to leave my husband. We tried to work things out and started seeing a marriage counselor together, but I was still living at home and was getting worse instead of better. 2 weeks into therapy I said "I can't do this anymore!" and I moved into a friend's house. After a week I felt SO much better and I had planned to stay at the friend's for a month. After 12 days we decided that I had the time and space that I had needed and we were able to live together again and continue counseling.

Sometimes even a few days away can do wonders. It's kinda like the saying "How can I miss you if you never leave" sometimes we get so caught up in what is "wrong" in our relationships that we forget to see the good in each other. If he is set on leaving, maybe it is best if you do an informal written contract just between the two of you that basically says "We are taking a break to see how this works. We are not making this permanent as of this time, and will continue to speak with each other and attend counseling while living apart (either marriage counseling or individual counseling or both)" then set a time limit on the trial period, A week, 2 weeks, whatever you agree on, and then at that point reassess where your relationship is at. Sometimes we need to be apart to realize that maybe being together isn't as miserable as being apart.

I hope that this helps and that you and your husband find some way to work things out. Give him the chance to find a tdoc of his own. Sometimes it is hard for spouses to speak with YOUR tdoc, because they automatically assume that your tdoc has been brainwashed by you to see your spouse as "bad" and that the tdoc is taking your side.

Best of Luck!

Of course your husband is confused and frustrated, not to mention scared and unhappy. I like the recommendation to take hubby with you to pdoc but also consider taking him with you to tdoc. Another suggestion, if he is open, is a support group for people living with BP victims. As for me, my wife planned to leave me without telling me. When I found out, I was devastated. Things are slowly getting better but frankly I worry about upsetting her and driving her away. The thing that helps the most is taking her to tdoc appointments. At the same time tdoc is helping me, he is helping my wife to cope as well. This is a different perspective, much different than standard marriage counseling, being that my condition plays a huge role in her happiness. Going to marriage counseling seems to imply we have marriage problems. The fact is that I simply have a disorder that tends to drive anyone away, so, if you can, take the focus off marital problems and get him involved with your treatments. Another thing that helps my wife understand and know what to expect it sharing my mood chart with her. She now has a better time knowing when to leave me alone and when to comfort me. I wish you all the best!