New here

I just found this site today and so please be patient with me. I'm really nervous. I've been on anti-depressants on and off for years now, most recently went on zoloft. I am also on adderell for ADD that was diagnosed with testing a few years ago. I feel that I'm being pulled in two different directions, having frequent panic attacks that start out as tantrums when my aggression flies through the roof. I went back to my fam dr yesterday and he says he thinks I may be bipolar and wants me to go to a psychiatrist to be tested. He said there is something new out there that he thinks may help (symbyax) but doesn't want to prescribe until I've been diagnosed.

I have been reading online about the symptoms of bipolar and I know that it's not up to me to self-diagnose, but I don't think I have it. The thought of going off of something only to have to go on something else is depressing in itself. Can the moods change quickly? Isn't that just normal? I was feeling great this morning and then this afternoon after lunch I got a phone call that made me anxious and then i just wanted to cry or crawl in a corner or run. maybe all three lol.

Thanks for listening. This is all scary to me and sometimes I think my husband thinks I'm doing this on purpose. I can control the moods sometimes but sometimes they just escalate to a point that I can't stop them. I do have xanax that I take when I need for anxiety. i was out of my zoloft today but this mood change during the day is not uncommon for me. I keep thinking that is' normal to change moods like this. And maybe it is.

While it is true that everyone can get moody sometimes and change moods quickly the mark of a bipolar is whether the mood changes don't have any reason to happen, the moods are usually also more pronounced that in non BP people. There are, of course, other symptoms but those are pretty standard.
When you go to the psych for your testing just be honest. Don't sugar coat or exaggerate anything.
A good thing to do now,before you go, is to track your moods and emotions.
Make sure to write down what was happening when your mood changed too.
A person that suddenly became depressed while eating breakfast has a different problem than one that got depressed because their friend called up crying their eyes out.
Write down as much information as you can including time of day so the psych can get a good grasp of what you are going through.
That way you can be pretty sure that the DX you get will be the right one.

It can be very scary to find out that your DX is changed.
Try to remember this, though.
Would you rather know the truth so it can be treated properly or would you rather spend your life with a condition that could be treated and not do anything for it?
I do wish you the best of luck.
Let us know how it goes.

I appreciate your comments and advice. I did start to track my moods and actually that is how I discovered this site.

Yes, certain things can trigger sadness, but also it happens for no reason. More then that I have crying spells where something small will just tick me off and I go on a rampage screaming, crying in the corner etc. It seems like it starts like a tantrum but then my emotions take over and it becomes something I can't stop until it works itself out, or with xanax. And even when it's over, I am shaky and tear for some time and I feel exhausted. Sometimes I can control it from getting further if I remove myself from the situation and concentrate on breathing and my husband is better at leaving me alone to soothe myself. But when I can't catch it gets worse. Two weeks ago I drove off and ended up crying in a parking lot at the mall in my van on and off for 2 hours.

I agree that it is better to face it and get help. My husband said he always has to watch what he says as I get pissed off at little things.

thanks for listening.

High irritability? High anxiety? That's what it sounds to me like you are experiencing.
I know I've spent my time by the side of the road crying or locked in the bathroom bawling because I just blew up at my son and feel like slug snot.
I'm glad you've learned to recognize what's happening sometimes and can self calm. I'm afraid that's one trick I haven't learned yet.
It doesn't happen often any more but when it does it really takes me by surprise.
I don't realize I'm over the top until someone is bawling.
I now were a rubber band around my wrist to snap after I've said something harsh. It reminds me that words can hurt bad.
Do you have any suggestions on how to spot those problems before I make an A$$ out of myself?
If you do I would sure like to hear them and I'm sure my family would like me to learn a few tricks too.
Also something to help me calm down would really be helpful. I've tried counting as I breath, Movement mediation and quiet mediation. I usually get frustrated with what ever I'm doing because it doesn't help as fast as i want it to and it causes my problem to get worse.

Take care

I was watching Super Nanny one time. The little boy had ADD and Super Nanny talked to the father about the progression of an argument and how changing just one point in that argument can shift it into a different direction. It got me thinking about how things seemed to progress when I flew off the handle and although I know that I'm largely responsible for the situations, there may be things my husband could do or not do that may help me not to continue in that same direction.

My husband has been with me for 24 years and up until recently (and even still now), he seems to think that I am doing this purposely. I'm not perfect and I know I have a temper like the tazmanian devil, but joking at how silly I look when I'm crazy or sarcastically telling me to 'stop crying, will you?" just makes it worse. And sometimes even feeling him rub my back without saying a word can make me run crying into another corner. I think that now that I've had therapy and my dr is moving forward with trying to help me he's seeing that it may not all be controllable on my end.

Two weeks ago in the evening of the day I spent in the van I started to lose it again. I was on the verge of tears all day and it didn't take much. My girls were still up and I didn't want them to see me like this. My Mom was like this and I don't want them to have those memories like I do. So I went upstairs and tried to stop it by breathing slowly. Sometimes even getting on my hands and knees, head down and thinking only of my breath going in and out slowly, and knowing that it will pass can keep it from going further. But that time it wasn't working and I got in the same position and rocked and cried, like a mental patient lol. Well...not so funny. Hubby came up and at first was just telling me to stop crying and finally he rubbed my back and just kept telling me to breath slowly. He got me a xanax and some water and when I was finally ready, he helped me up and covered me on the couch with a blanket and I was soon calm and asleep.

I can usually spot when I'm in a "mood" and will sometimes even tell my husband that I'm upset and he's done nothing wrong but I dont' want to blow up and so I need to be alone and I'll go upstairs.

I need to remember that I always make it through to the other side and so when it's happening, I know it will be over at some point. Sometimes I avoid certain situations that have ended with blow ups, to the point of making it worse.

Why do the people we love always think we can control it?

I really don't understand that. If we could control it, why on earth would we do it?

Before I got on the right meds, I'd go to my husband and just start bawling. He'd ask why I was crying (wondering what he did wrong) and I said, "Nothing, I just NEED to cry). I'd feel so depressed and down in the dumps and worthless, but there would be absolutely NOTHING to trigger this.
Likewise, I'd go through times I'd feel really good and act totally random. At work, I'd run into the area where everyone works, jump on a chair and roll across the room (on the chair) on my knees. Then I'd jump of the chair and go to my desk like nothing unusually happened. Or when I finished rolling around on the chair I'd spin it around.

I thought so often that I'm luckiy that I work with my husband and his best friend. Strangers would probably think its the weirdest thing.

My favorite comment recently from my husband was when I threw my back out last weekend. I was holding it together pretty well until it go so bad in the evening and I couldn't sit, I couldn't lay and I couldn't walk or stand. I was in the kitchen, walking around trying to get comfortable and crying. He said "honey, crying isn't going to help". rrrrr I wasn't crying because I thought it would help. I was crying cuz it hurt!

I was out of zoloft for 2 days and was in threat of running out of my adderell. Got them both filled yesterday thank goodness. I can't get into the psychiatrist for the testing until end of June which sucks. I hate being in limbo. They said if they get a cancellation they would call me.

MoodyBlues: i just recently went thru a diagnosis change from Major Depression with Generalized Anxiety to BPII and while it is a frightening thing to go through it really really helps to get the right meds. Some meds that work for Depression will make Bipolar worse so it is absolutely worth getting the diagnosis right.
Most men just have a whole different reaction to crying. When I cry my husband tends to think its something hes done and most of the time it is just the illness because my new meds aren't quite right yet.
The thing that caused my pdoc to reconsider my diagnosis was that I was having problems with intense irritability not related to anything that was happening. Also, I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. These two things were signs of BPII instead of Depression. My meds are not quite right yet but I am, at least, not having the irritability anymore.