INERTIA

I just finished creating a mood tracker account and recorded my first entry. I didn't really plan on entering anything in the forum. But, after recording my mood I am more aware of how deep I have sunk. I have unstable since last fall. My previous doctor did little as far as changing my meds. He was convinced that my mood was triggered by traumatic event in my life. I have to admit there were a few unsettling events which occurred around the time the instability of mood started. However, I believe that the combination of meds i was on did not help and may have even greatly contributed to the fluctuation of moods that started then and which have only gotten worse. A month ago I finally realized that my doc at the time was not helping me and in fact was grossly negligent with my care. So I found a new pdoc. When he reviewed the meds i was on he looked up at me and said "I absolutely hate the combination of meds you are on. I don't think they are helping your current situation at all". So he took me off of the majority of them (5 of them to be exact). The only psychiatric meds I am currently taking are lithium and trazodone and Adderall. I was prescribed Adderall by my previous doc to increase my energy about a year and half ago. The med did wonders to increase my energy. However, I was not informed of any of the dangerous side effect (especially when prescribed to patients who do not have ADD but do have bipolar disorder). It was shortly after I started taking Adderall that my mood became very unstable and over time continued to even more unstable.
While the drug was in my system I would start many tasks but fail to finish very few of them because I was so distractible. Ideas and thoughts would fly through my mind. After being on the med for about 6 months I would stay awake for 3 or 4 days at a time and then sleep for about 3 or 4 hours and then the cycle would begin again. In the time period of of October 2008 to January 2009 I lost over 70 pounds. In January I went to see my primary care physician because I was constantly dizzy, was having fainting spells, blurred vision and had a constant ringing in my ears. She noticed the decrease in my weight and expressed her concern. She issued a number of tests and procedures to determine if my weight loss was due to health related problem. They all came back negative. It was then that she contacted my Pdoc to express her concerns about my weight loss and that she thought it was probably caused by my use of Adderall. He disagreed stating that if it was I would have started losing weight when I first started taking it.
His comment concerned me and it was then that I started my own research regarding Adderall. Every credible source I found specifically stated that Adderall should never be prescribed to increase energy and should never be prescribed to bipolar patient. By April I was taking 75 mg of the med and was clearly addicted. At night after the med wore off I crashed down into a deep depression. At my last appt with my previous pdoc I again explained to him my severe fluctuation of moods and lack of sleep and all the other problems I was having. He did not seem to care or was just plain uninterested. His comment to me was "I think you may be slightly manic but I'm not going to alter your meds". "I kind of like you manic. Your easier to talk to. You talk more now." I left that appointment stunned. It was then that I realized that I needed a new pdoc.
Well I'm not doing very well weaning myself off of the Adderall. I did get down to 21 1/2 mg/day. But the depression got so severe. So I started taking more of the Adderall. Well this lessened my depression. But I found out I now need to take more of the Adderall than before. And when I start to withdraw I panic and end up taking more. I honestly can't tell you how much I take in a day now. But I'm sure it is more than I was prescribed. I only get depressed when the Adderall starts to wear off. But I have noticed that when on the Adderall I am frequently irritable and most of the time I just feel nothing. Not happy, not sad, just empty - INERTIA. I have a pdoc appointment on Friday. I know I should tell him whats going on but I'm scared. I know he will suggest hospitalization but I really don't want to do that. But on the other hand I'm scared of what might happen if I continue the way I am. I apologize for writing such a long message. Guess I had alot to get off my chest. Thanks for listening to me rant.

Lost in the drug maze
Sharon

DANG! I hate when docs get a person hooked on a drug then leave them hanging.

I'm chronicly in pain and spent 7 years addicted to Morphine and Vallium.
I had to detox at home because my STUPID doctor wouldn't sign me into a rehab for it. He just stopped the RX cold turkey.
All I can say is that I'm VERY glad my husband is a BIG man. He litterally had to physically fight me to keep me from killing myself. I wish to hell I could have been in the hospital where they know how to help a person at that time.

You know you have to get off the Adderall or you wouldn't have told us about it.
I also understand why going to the hospital to do so can be a scary thing, but please believe me. You will do better there than trying to kick it at home. They can monitor your health as you detox too. Coming off something as powerful as Adderall and in the doses you are currently taking is going to be tough. Why not get as much help as you can with it?
At least you'll live through it so you can sue the idiot doctor that put you on it in the first place.

I wish you the best the world can give you.

Best of luck with the new pdoc. Tell him EVERYTHING. You've done, it seems a better than average job educating yourself about the meds and especially your own reactions. I think, too, that you've a fine understanding of how to measure the doc's reaction to your story. Gget the best help you can and if that means a hospital stay to kick that amphetamine cocktail which is Adderal, then go; it may save your life.

Thanks alot Mooky and Sirkay for reply to my post. I know I need to get off of the Adderall and I'm thinking I might have to do it in the hospital. But I have had some really bad experiences at the hospital and therefore I am reluctant to go. In addition my old pdoc works at the hospital that I would end up going to and just the thought of seeing him makes me sick. I was considering a treatment center - there are two in my area - but I wouldn't have the guidance of my new pdoc there. Well I know I will end up going to one or the other. I just hope and pray that after withdrawing from Adderall my mood will start to stabilize. Thanks again and I wish you both the best of health

Know that you've got continuing support in this community. Post again Friday or Saturday, after you see your pdoc, and vent or gather some strength.. get ALL the help that's available.It could be a long road, very probaly a rough road; it needn't be a lonely road.