Newbie undiagnosed roller-coaster.

Hi everyone
I'm new here and don't really know what I'm doing but I wanted to say hi, and tell you a bit about me and get some advice.

So I guess my story started when I was 8, I am now 27 and all these symptoms have been here since I was a teen or earlier but I still haven't got a clue what's going on with me... I've been diagnosed with depression and with PTSD but although I went through a year of talk therapy I still haven't been able to stop the cycle that I and my family have noticed since I was young. I've never really gotten on with people in a relationship aspect, in the sense of my professional career I work with people daily but on a one to one friendship trust situation I just don't cope very well, I've had these problems since school and they were so bad that I was eventually home schooled, due to my anxiety of school itself. I have violent episodes where I feel like breaking everything and smashing the world I generally will throw things punch walls and scream just to try and get rid of the emotions that are building up so heavily.I starve myself and also self harm though through therapy I don't often go this far any-more although stopping myself is like pure hell in my head. I can go through my depressed stages where I will just want to curl up and sleep all day and night not exit my room not drink water nothing, and at that time ill be uncontrollable at getting rid of anyone that close to me, this generally leaves me alone and makes me self hate even more. the problem is that I am a really nice person but its just suddenly don't talk look say anything to me or ill rip you apart, I'm over protective and scared my anxiety levels are on full alert and I'm completely over-sensitive.

And then there's the high they are like a power trip, where I feel capable of doing a PhD and becoming this high up executive and I get on with everyone I like being around people and I can be seen to be as patient as a saint, nothing harms me I laugh everything off and the world is good and I'm just enjoying life.Although I could live with this stage and I'm not complaining about it... it gets annoying too I've been known to over-clean, organise constantly, to the point of people laughing I have ocd,
the lack of need for sleep has happened since I was a teen and I'm so used to it now its common.

When I went to the Dr. about a year ago for thinking I was bipolar etc, I was told that because I function too highly at work that there would be no way that i would have bipolar and she diagnosed the PTSD, but this hasn't changed anything and I've still been battling with this ever since I was talking to someone that was feeling really low and a friend was telling them all about Cyclothymia and I looked it up after thinking that what they were saying sounds alot like me, I'm not manic to the point of crazy and Im not as depressed enough that I constantly want to kill myself but the problems with the ups and downs and the pushing everyone away is turning out to ruin my life and I really need and want some help, and I thought starting a graph and talking to some people may help.

I want to thank you if you read all of this and for any advice and help you might have even a hello would be nice to have at this point to meet people that arn't going to think bad of me for feeling like I'm losing my mind.
Lionmad x

Hi Lionmad,

I have rapid cycling bipolar 2 that is close on the spectrum to cyclothymia. In other words a lesser form of bipolar 2, although it can still be very disabling when it cycles in depression. I also had many of the things you describe.

Watch this clip on you tube, as it may help you to recognise some symptoms. Theres a good description of what cyclothymia is like. If thats you then you should probably fork out to see a psychiatrist.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

Regards,

Rijono

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