New here

Hi newbie!

Just wanted to introduce my self, my name is kat. I've suffered from Depression for about 9/10 years.
Just over the last year or so my meds have't been working as well as they used to, and my Doc thinks i might have Bipolar.

Just wanted to say hello.

Hi...I am almost as new as you, but since I feel like Ihave to reply to everything, I thought i should say hi. I just can't seem to stop myself from replying lately. Anyway, I have BP1, and have had that dx for almost 10 years...probably officially for 8 years.

So far I have gotten a lot out of the mood tracker. Its neat and way easier than doing it on paper. You can also journal along with the chart so I htink that is valuable as well. Hope you get soemthing good out of being here.

-Kim

Hello!!!
Welcome

Hi Kat, I am relatively new to the site too. Its a good, safe place to post. I am in almost the same situation as you I think. I had a diagnosis (dx) of Major Depression with General Anxiety Disorder for about 10 years then fairly recently I actually was bothered enough by irritablity and some other symptoms that I told my pdoc about them.

Well, goodby Major Depression, hello Bipolar Two, bye bye SSRIs, hello lamictal and working thru a l o n g med transition. This site helps keep me from flying away when the hypomania gets bad. I only get the irritable bad kind, not the creative good kind hypomania. So I hope the site helps you too.

Read around a while, lots of good postings, book and other reading suggestions and understanding are found here.

Welcome Kat!

This forum and mood tracking have been extremely valuable tools to improving my health. I don't get online everyday so I also have a daily checklist that I can quickly write down my moods and other important data to enter later. I don't know why all pdocs and therapist don't recommend this site. Just last week I was able to look back at a med combo I'd tried in August and realized that it was actaully working but I discarded it due to extreme emotional trauma. I had remembered it as an unsuccesful combo but thanks to my chart I realize it was merely emotional trauma and if I would have continued with the combo I probably would have been much better off.
Well I just wanted to encourage you to take full advantage of this great tool. I wish I could have been a member of moodtracker when I first gat diagnosed in 1996.

K

Hi...
I'm Katy. I'm merely fourteen years old. But I just recently started seeing a psychiatrist, and she had recommended this site.

Just wanted to say "Hi."

Hi Katy!

Welcome to the club! Most of us here are probably older than you, but many of us experienced symptoms at your age and can remember what it was like. I am so glad you're pdoc (psychiatrist) sent you here. I've checked out a lot of the online support groups and this one is THE BEST! Moodtracking has really helped me fine-tune my treatment plan and by your having access to this wonderful tool at such a young age, we look forward to seeing you avoid so many of the harsh experiences that we've had to go through. Please jump right in and join the conversations.

I'm glad she had cited a good resource. She suspects me to be clinically depressed... But refuses to prescribe any medicine. She is hopeful I can overcome it by "expressing" myself.

Sounds like you have a reasonable pdoc and I'm glad she is starting with more natural approaches before bringing out the big guns. I just watched a PBS special by Dr. Daniel Amen last night and he is a big advocate of using nutrition, exercise (physical & mental) and therapy before meds. I wish I could find a pdoc that wanted to try something besides pushing drugs at me. I've been through 6 in 13 years. I currently have a great family doc that is working with me and I have had a research pdoc offer to consult with him if he and I want.

K

Yeah... I suppose it's all a good thing. Although, she also thinks I may have an eating disorder, making her reluctant on diet and exercise. She wants me to focus solely on my feelings being known.

I'm glad you have a family practitioner that is willing to work with you. I hope everything works out between the medicines. :)

Hi EmptyBook: It may seem awful to you but it is good that they can start treating mood disorder problems even when you are young. I am 53 and I now know that I had these problems from childhood on. I most certainly had them as a teenager. But back then (in the Dark Ages) there was very little treatment for grownups and almost zero for younger people.

And some of the treatments that were available then (not now--but back then in the Ice Age) were, we now know--worse than the disease.

Now tho, they can at least help, if not 'cure' almost everyone. They do know that this illness is more complicated in people going thru puberty--those hormones mess with everything, even illnesses. So I think your doctor is smart to focus on feelings.

All you really need to do to get enough exercise for health is to walk instead of ride everywhere you safely can. I don't mean walk 20plus miles to school, I mean take the stairs instead of the elevator at the mall. Walk accross the parking lot (in safe areas) instead of being dropped off at the door. Thats all you need to do for health. I mean health--not super thin model figure.

At least, even at your age, you are getting the help you needed-- and still need. I'm sure you're grateful for that. Knowing that the medical profession has advanced so much in so little time is reassuring for everyone.

I'm aware of the risks and such dealing with eating disorders (I plan to become a psychotherapist specializing in eating disorder treatment and my very close friend is suffering through Anorexia Nervosa.)

I do walk often, and exercise to my fullest extent in gym class, but other than that, my psychiatrist has prohibited me from trying to loose weight.
And, I already have to watch what I eat due to Polycystic Kidney Disease, it's heiritatary.

Hello all.

I am also new to MoodTracker. It seems like a revolutionary idea; you almost wonder why it wasn't created sooner. My therapist recommended it.

I am 23, and have been suffering from severe depression since I was about 7. Emotionally unavailable mother + perfection-obsessed father + their unhealthy marriage + my tendency to be obstinate = constant feelings of shame, loneliness, fear of abandonment, fear of never being loved.

I graduated recently from a prestigious college and cannot move on. I have so many skills that I've developed and knowledge that I was told (by society) that I needed to develop and I don't know where to go from here.

I'm stuck in the past, as my psych. would say. I'm pretty much glued to the mistakes I feel I've made and cannot move past them. I can't forgive myself. Which sounds a little ridiculous. Forgiving oneself should be easy. The only reason it's not easy is because we have standards that we're holding ourselves to. Standards that others have likely set for us. Maybe I need to hear from my Dad that he doesn't think lowly of me for the mistakes I've made. Or maybe they really are just my own standards. But any standards have to come from somewhere. No one is just born with ideas for success and happiness that must be met.

I know that I'm standing in my own way, too! It's tragic because I'm keeping myself from being "happy." This "happy" business is very tricky. I don't trust it. I don't respect people who think they are happy; I think they're lying to themselves. Who the hell am I to judge them? But I do! I find I'm judging everyone these days.

I'm super sensitive to EVERYTHING. If someone steps on my foot on the subway, I look at them and glare and think "why can't they just think about other people, and be careful of where they step?" When people bump into me on the street (which is inevitable in NYC), I get SO angry, because I try not to bump into people. I am such a considerate person, when it comes to strangers. I try really hard to be nice to everyone, and smile. No one does that here. It's every one for herself. You're on your own in this world.

Enough complaining. Therapy and Lexapro are my attempts at getting better. I figure if I have to stay here (in this world, where everyone strives for happiness), I better move along. It's just become unbearable. Feeling like I don't belong here. Among all these people who seem like robots who just accept life for what they're told it's supposed to be and live each day accordingly. I keep thinking that there must be something more to life than monotony, an obsession with earning money and status, "feeling beautiful," and "being happy." I mean, what the hell does that mean anyway? What does it mean to be happy? To not mind life? To feel neutral towards the encounters we have every day? Or does it mean we should be happy-dappy all the time? Constantly smiling and exuding an excitement for the experiences that are available to us? Who decides what happiness is? Who says happiness isn't what I feel? Who says happiness isn't feeling low, down, hopeless? After all, happiness is just a word. It's just a word someone made up long ago to convey a feeling or state of being. But I'd like to meet that person. That person who decided what that state of being is.

Hello ADellerson,

For years I wondered what happiness was and if anyone actually felt happy or if everyone was just pretending. Now I do get to experience happiness occasionally. I like to journal about my feelings so I can remind myself that my moods are merely temporary. Of course if I lived in NYC, I think I would be miserable all the time. I'm a country girl and NEED my space. Have you ever lived in the country?

K

Hi kef,

Thanks for writing back. It's nice to be able to talk to someone who's going through something similar.

I'm glad you get to experience happiness occasionally. I do, too. I experience it in spurts. In multi-second moments: mostly when I'm watching a movie or with my partner having a happy moment.

That's a really great idea to journal, so you can look back and remember that you have had good times. That's so easy to forget when you get to that dark place.

I need my space, too. But my partner has a job that she loves here and I want to be near her. So, I'll have to find a way to make it work. I've already become much more self-serving (a necessity in NYC) and tough. The nice exterior I've always had is a waste around here; and I can't count on anyone here to return the good energy I try to put out.

What makes you sad?

Hi everyone, new to this so I hope it works. I suffer with ptsd, and mpd. I get suicidal real easy and hoping to get out some of my depression, getting ideas from others and applying them to see if it helps. So.......I am ready to get better and have a happier life. Dont want to be so lonely in life.

Welcome to the forum manic.
Were all here if you need to talk to any one. I've found the guys on this site really helpfull

hi, im 15 to and joined 2 days ago, im not seeing anyone its just that my emotions are so up and down its scarring me and i flip between being suicidal and thinking i can win the olympics,and i keep doing really stupid spontaneos things which are getting me into trouble which i wouldnt normally do, and iv bin really permiscuos for about a month a which ended a few weeks ago and im having to deal with all the consequences and people ive hurt, and peoples questions about my sexuality, so i thought id track them to keep an i and to decide if i should see someone, im farely normal right now, slightly depressed but im finding it makes me feel slightly better, well it did yesterday anyway, writing it down in that mood journal thing, although i told someone id been in love with them for 5 years and they rejected me but still said they wanted to carry on seeing me and wouldnt let me go, so frankly, in a self pitifull way, i think its fine to b not feeling that great

sorry about the last post

What are you sorry about? That is not a rhetorical question...I really want to know what it is that you wrote in your previous posting that makes you think you must apologize.

Hello everyone...just have to get something off my chest. I had Easter dinner with my abuser!!! My inner parts were not happy, I was so nervous that I got sick in the stomach. The abuser was my father! I just cant handle the feelings I am feeling now. manic

Just keep reminding yourself that you were strong enough to survive the abuse, you have survived this encounter and although the past has changed you, you can't change the past. You can chose to change the present by letting go of the past even though you are affected by it. Does that make any sense? I basically mean to be aware that your extreme feelings at times are because of your past, but try to focus on the present and what you can actually do so the past doesn't paralyze you. 2 or 3 times a week I have to face a reminder of my past and it is difficult at those times to live in the present.

sek623
was just a very emottional rambling i suppose, didnt make much sense and was rather self centered - in retrospect, not the place and not remotely usefull

Maybe,

You seem very mature for just 15. This is the place that you can feel free to express yourself and even ramble if you need to. Probably everyone here can relate and it makes us feel less strange to realize that we are not alone in our mood disorder journey.

thankyou x

Maybe,

I remember when I was your age having some of the same things going on. At the time, I strongly suspected I needed help, but at that time there didn't seem to be a place for a teenager to turn to. I remember thinking that I was just making up problems for myself, that I was being selfish. I now know that I was not being selfish, or making up problems, that I had issues that needed to be dealt with. I hope you can find a safe place to turn to get help.

Sek623,

I've had symptoms since I was a toddler and always assumed I was just crazy. I spent my whole life trying to act like a "normal" person so that no one would figure out that I was crazy. I was probably about 30 before I began hearing about manic depression as it was still known and even then what I heard was very inaccurate and wasn't very helpful. I thank God for the internet, this site and a couple of others that have FINALLY helped me learn to live with my circumstances.

ADellerson:

Your post stuck out the most to me while reviewing a few different threads in the forum. I live in a large city too, Chicago, and completely understand where you're coming from with the whole being a considerate stranger bit. Even though I've lived around the world, i still have that southern hospitality inside of me - I hold open doors, side-step furious businessmen/women on the streets, feel offended when a car almost nails me at a crosswalk. I too am hyper sensitive, have been ever since being a child...I was just raised with the mentality that if you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all....in Chicago, it's a totally different ball game, these people live to accost others!

Im 26 and have never been seen for my problems or have been diagnosed. I cut myself very very badly at 16 and was forced to do the MMPI (i think thats what it was) test and see a counselor a few times who i literally didn't even say a word to. Now, 10 years down the line (my how time flies!) i realize that was a big mistake and just dont have the gutz to be seen by my g.p. to get a referral and start the whole process. I know im pretty fucked up and have or have had most of the problems in the books, I want to get better, but just cant seem to make the first real step...i've tried all of the self help crap posted all over the net and in books, taken this test or that test online, ranted to my friends untill they no longer talk to me anymore, everything verifies that i need help. I guess that's why i joined this site....to moniter my moods to push me further to getting the help i need.


"Feeling like I don't belong here. Among all these people who seem like robots who just accept life for what they're told it's supposed to be and live each day accordingly. I keep thinking that there must be something more to life than monotony, an obsession with earning money and status, "feeling beautiful," and "being happy."" - I couldn't agree more! It's one of my biggest rants living in the city, because it's all thrown in your face all too often, every day.


Anyways, it's nice to see how supportive everyone is of one another...Just wanted to chime in finally, i guess, let you guys know im here...

eboylan

Eboylan: Hi, welcome to the site. I have Bipolar II and I can't work anymore so I have early retirement at 53==just not what I planned. Anyway, when I could work I was a nurse. I want to urge you to get that referral. I can promise you you will not be telling your GP anything he hasn't heard before and you have nothing to be ashamed of in needing some help. We all need that, its part of why we post here. And I can double promise assure you you won't be telling your psychiatrist (pdoc--so we don't have to spell it all the time) anything he or she hasn't heard before either.