friends forever

Have you ever met someone who just made you so happy to talk to them everyday even though you have never met them in person? Well I have and her name is Martha...
My dear martha, I just read your other post on the depression forum and my god honey!!! I can't believe that... I am so sorry and I am so sorry that it is one thing after another for you. I hope that you can find comfort in my happy thoughts for you. I know that life seems like one big suck affair after another but know that you have made a difference in my life and though you may not have positive things to say about your life, you help me make it though my days....
I just want to send you some rays of sunshine and take the sadness away. xoxoxox
I feel like a piece of #*D( following up with my selfish thoughts but thought you might want to hear what I have been up to since I have missed our writings for a few days. I just got back from Arizona with my husband. we went there to see a comedy show and man was it funny. I haven't laughed that hard in a really long time. You asked where I live. I am in Colorado. I have lived here for about five years but have been all over the place before I settled here. Kinda a long story but I haven't lived where I grew up, san diego, since I was 18. I have been a wondering soul since I got out of high school. I moved up to Santa Barbara, where I went to college and then I was off to Berkeley for a little while, then I lived in little mountain towns and worked at the ski slopes then I moved to Hawaii and now here I am. What brought me to CO was a boy and by boy I mean boy. He was a real idiot but I was an idiot too for leaving Hawaii for the moron. I am glad that I came here though because I would have never met my husband if I didn't. We are coming up on our anniversary... don't know if I told you Oct. 3... I am pretty excited I think that I am going to take him to a museum for our anniversary because he is a glass blower and they are having an exhibit with one of the glass blowers that he really likes. I hope that I can get tickets. What else... work sucks as usual but that is no surprise but I guess I shouldn't complain because I understand when you say you wish you could get out of the house for a little bit. When I was out of the hospital and stuck in the house for six weeks, I actually wanted to go back to work because I was so bored.... I sure hope things work out for you in the surgery... I just feel like sending you BIG GIANT HUGS because I feel like all I do is blabber on and on when you really need me. I read your posts and I see you are sad and upset, what can I do for you my lovely friend? Lay it on me cause I know you must need to vent and get it out.
I haven't had anymore horrible dreams lately but I am so thankful for that. I don't understand why I have those. I haven't talked to my doctor about them but I think it is because I just want to forget about them so I do. I was going to tell you that my sister told me that she is pregnant and I am happy for her but so sad for me. I started crying. I wanted a baby so bad and now it seems like everyone around me is getting to have one and I had to be the one with the messed up situation. Do you realize that if I didn't have the ectopic I would be having a baby in Nov.... I can't believe it. We aren't even trying anymore though. We are going to wait until I get out of school. I am so excited about nursing school but am starting to get nervous because I don't know where my medical insurance is going to come from... I have to have medical insurance!! I don't really know what to do but I am going to look into this program called Colorado Care. My doctor says that her office takes it but doesn't take medicaid so who knows what will happen. That is just what I need to get into school and have something really great but then have to stop taking my meds because I can't afford them and can't afford to get the prescription.... What to do, I guess life will figure itself out for me. It just keeps going on and on and on no matter what we do right? Well my lovely friend i am off to bed. I hope you are doing alright tonight. Let me know that you are okay and how things are going with your grand baby... love you

pipi, I had not forgot about you, I just have not been able to deal with anything because of my granddaughter, Breanna. You can go under the Success stories, I just posted one about her, so I would like you to read it please. Thank you, you are so sweet Mystina. Your words are so heart-felt, and believe me when I tell you, I feel the same way about you. I am so glad that I can help you and that I've made a difference in your life. I miss us talking too, now maybe things can get back to where we talk all the time again, I hope so. I have missed you so much, you will never know, but I knew you were right here in my heart. I'm glad you had so much fun in Arizona, you deserve it. Pipi, you live in Colorado-how far are you away from Las Vegas? I have never been on a airplane, and I sure have not been much of any where. But guess what, I am going to Las Vegas. I don't know what to expect or anything. If you know anything about planes or Las Vegas please let me know, just do not scare me in anyway okay? See you have traveled to so many places, this will be a one in a lifetime chance for me. Pipi, I'm sorry I missed your anniversary, what number was it? Happy late Anniversary to you, I hope it was great for you. What did ya'll do for it? My wrist and thumb, the surgeon checked it last week and he wants me back in one month. I think it's doing real good. He wants me back because he said he needs to check a couple of things, but I still think it is fine. I will take those BIG GIANT HUGS because I love you. Not for the reason you said. I have told you several times, I love to here you talk, I don't care how much or how long. Hey girl, most of the time you are what keeps me company, so please don't ever stop. I am okay, really. I'm so glad you haven't had more bad dreams, or nightmares. Pipi, please don't cry about a baby, your time will come. Right now you are fixing to do school, take my advice, it will be so much better for you to finish school, and find your job, work for a few years before you start thinking about having a baby. Pipi, I am 48 and I know what I am talking about. Don't rush it, let it happen naturally, it will be so much better then. I know things will work out for you just fine pipi, take care of yourself and I hope I talk to you soon. Sorry it took so long for me to answer you but I know you understand, Thank you pipi for being you, I Love You and *HUGS* and KISSES to you, night, night sweetie=pie

yey, my lovely friend you are back, and so am I. I haven't been on in quite some time. my computer crapped out and I have been trying to find a way to buy another one. I do have a desktop but I usually use a laptop for school and that way I can type when I am comfortable in bed. I have been doing alright things are super crazy at work and for the last two days I have been threatining to get the H out of there and leave it all behind. I have to hang on though because I really need the insurance! Without that I don't know how I am going to pay for my meds. I guess I will find out once school starts cause I won't have any insurance then either. i am going to apply for CO care cause without me working my husband and I are going to be scrapping by.I am so happy to hear that your hand is doing better, just remember to let it heal don't get to crazy with it until you are sure it is back in order. I am so happy that you are going out to Vegas. It is soooo much fun. I used to go there all the time when I lived in CA because it was only like a 4hr. drive from my house. I haven't been since my 30th birthday (nearly three years now) but it really is fun. There are so many cool things to see and it is amazing. You must go to the show "Thunder from Down Under" HA!!! It is so fun!!! They are Australian strippers and it is a show so don't worry about them hanging their wang in front of your face, it is just a lot of fun and a good time to laugh and kick back and enjoy some men parading around with their buns showing. I have been to that show three times and it never gets old. hehehehe. You also have to go to the show at the Belagio (I think) it is a water/light show at night. it is free you just stand outside and watch it, super amazing and great. Memories are flowing back for me, I wish I could go. Maybe one day I can get there again, but I don't think that it will be for awhile we gotta start building a nest egg cause of school. So, we had our 1 year anniversary, I can't believe that I have been married for 1 year. Sometimes it feel like just days and other times it feels like YEARS but we are doing well. He is starting to understand that I am incharge of the house. hahaha. He is actually doing his chores and our house doesn't look like a FRAT house anymore. Although he has invited his friend to live in our basement for awhile and I told him that he better tell his friend that if my bathroom turns into a nasty area that I can't even walk into I am going to kick him out so he better keep it clean.
Basically, I have been in good spirits at home and school (actually was really down the other day about school I just keep feeling so stupid when it comes to the tests cause I study study study and I still get low Bs and I really need to get As because the nursing program doesn't hold back on making sure you are an A student.... I know I can do it I just get discouraged sometimes) Anyway, I am so pissed with work I could rip someone's head off. PEDRO what a moron!!! I can't wait to quit and tell him to pound sand. I already have it all planned out. I know he is mr. PC and I know that he is going to say "well it was nice working with you" that will be my in to just rip into him and tell him exactly what I think of him. They can't do anything to me if I no longer work there. I am going to say "well, I wish I could say the same but I can't because you are the most idiotic piece of crap and you are nothing but lazy and worthless. maybe if you kissed a little less A#$ you might be able to do at least 10% of your job responsibilities... oh I can't wait for the day. I know it is mean but dang I am not used to just sitting back and not sharing my opinion but at my job you have to be prim and proper or you get called into the office and they say "well, I see that there is an area of opportunity and coaching for you..."blah blah blah... why can't they just say you know you are really messing up and you need to do such and such instead of trying to sound like a darn text book? Whoha! I think that is enough of that for now.... I am thinking of you and hoping you are having a great day and getting excited for your trip... I live probably 10 hours drive from vegas so you will be kinda far away, but I think one day we will meet up, don't you? We have to remember not to forget about each other and even if we miss writing a couple of times we should always make sure to catch up when we can.... I love being friends with you.... night night don't let the bed bugs bite... trust me it hurts hahahaha... when I was living in Hawaii I was staying at a hostel and there were bed bugs YUCK and I got bite and it sucked. okay I am off to study. love you

hello my wonderful, sweetipie pipi, I have missed you so much, kisses&*HUGS* to you from me. You know we are so much alike, It's funny you should say that about your computer because mine has been down along with my internet & phone, I was very pissed off about it, but they finally got everything fixed. My computer man is the best in the business, he is also the cheapest of anyone and any company, he knows what he is doing, see you should live down here with me. He can also take a old computer and make it just like it is new and he puts the newest version of everything in it. Yes I know your job sucks, but you have to stay with it for awhile longer, it will be over before you know it. My thumb has been completely healed up, and my wrist is almost well, he still wants me back November 5th to make sure it is right. How far do you live from Vegas? I had already seen some of the shows online & I plan on the Thunder from down under, I use to go to see the male strippers when they came here but I haven't been in a long time. I think I will go to the other show, I would love that. If you think of any other ones just let me know. I'm thinking about going to "The Price is Right, I use to watch it on t.v. and Breanna told me to go and I might win some money, well I hope I do, and I am gonna gamble a little. One year of marriage is nothing, if you two really love each other then it will work, and it is hard but you'll make it. I know your job is awful, but before you know it, you will be gone, hang in there. If I was in my car I would make that drive and come and see you, one day I hope we will get together. I love being friends with you too, even though we have not met, I feel like I have known you my whole life. You and your hubby will have to tighten your belts, I did it for 25 years, you can't spend any money on nothing but groceries and bills, it is so hard but if you want it bad enough then you can do it. You go girl, show him who is boss ha-ha-ha- Now I wouldn't be able to deal with someone moving in with me. Does he pay ya'll rent & grocery money? Don't let him be a free loader. I am so glad you are in good spirits,Everybody gets discouraged, but don't let that stop you on your schooling, I know you can make those great grades, I have faith in you. They do stupid crap because they are idiots. Don't forget, my birthday is Tuesday, October 19. I'm hoping it will be a good one, I will be 49. I don't think no one will be coming on this post so here is my email address cuddlebug1380@att.net so email me sometime, and I will give you my phone number then. I don't have long distance calling right now but maybe I will be able to afford it one day. Well baby-doll I will let you go and I hope to hear from you soon. I love you *HUGS*

Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear martha... happy birthday to you. It is kinda late at night at your home but it is still early here. I hope you get this before you go to sleep. I am thinking of you and wishing you a happy birthday. I hope you set out for kareoke (sp?) tonight and enjoy yourself you deserve it. Love you so much.... gotta go take an exam but hope you are well. talk to you soon.... happy birthday day again!!

oh my god pipi, my birthday turned out to be the best one ever. No I didn't go out, I stayed home, both my son & daughter were so sneaky, Jessica called & sang me Happy Birthday and called me umpteen times saying Mama I wanted to come and see you early but I have to go to the doctor at 4:00pm, I told her it was okay, but she promised to come and see me when she got thru, so I told here that was fine and I just hope she and the babies got to come. I told her that morning I was going to the Dollar Tree, so I went and I went in Target and I bought me a little stuffed monkey, a friend nicknamed me that, any way it is so cute, I won't get just any kind, it has to feel right and be cute, yes I love my stuffed animals. Well while I'm gone, about 45 minutes till I got home, but she would call me every few minutes asking me Mama where you at? She was aggravating the piss out of me, but it was funny-this is something we like to do to each other. Finally I told her I'm in the homestretch, I'm almost on my road, then I told her when I pulled in my driveway. She just keeps rushing me to hurry up Mama and get in the house. I asked her what the hell she was doing, did she want me to fall and break my neck? I finally unlocked the door and started to walk to my kitchen, I told her I was gonna whoop her ass, she had been here and put streamers and balloons up in the kitchen, it was so beautiful, the she started laughing. She said something about my messages on the answering machine, so I played it and her 2, Breanna & Bryson had called me before they went to school and sang Gammy Happy Birthday. Okay all of this was getting to my emotions, but I was so happy and it made me feel so great and special. My son Travis had tried to get me and couldn't because his sister was on the phone with me, so on the message he sang me Happy Birthday, I wish I could have heard him sing it to me, but it was still great. I called him and he told me he would see me later in the day. Everytime I hang the phone up, someone else would call. Pipi I don't know why, cause a lot of them never talk to me. I was so excited that I was going to get to see my 2 kids I didn't care about nothing else. Then my son calls me and told me his job had called him in so he wouldn't get to come. I tried not to get upset and did the best I could even though my heart was breaking. So the day went by, I just messed around on the computer, I heard a car, looked out the window, but I didn't know who it was. I went to the door, opened it, and guess who it was? My son, toteing the baby carrier with Aiden in it and then his wife, and Addy & Austin, they brought 3 big pizza's and drinks. I said I thought you had to go to work, do you know what he said, Mama I lied-I told him I was going to whoop his ass for lying. But he immediately hugged me and told me he loved me. Okay, I very seldom get to see my kids or grandbabies, but for them to come to my home was just overwhelming. In about 10 minutes Jessica, Josh, Breanna & Bryson come draggin in and they had brought Ben with them, he lives in the same trailer park as they do and he is a good friend to me, so that was great too, Jessica had brought a cake. I was in sheer heaven with all of them here. That was the best present I could have ever hoped for. And I finally got to take a few pictures of my babies, all 5 of them, they are great. We played pin the tale on the donkey, they played outside, we sat on the porch, just talking and having fun, and I finally got to hold Aiden more than I ever have without him crying. So my birthday was better than I could have ever wished for. It was so great. Thank you for singing me happy birthday, I love you. I don't go karaoke anymore I don't want to go to the 3 bars anymore, so if I find a new place to go then I'll go at it again I guess. But thank you again, and I hope I talk to you soon, good luck on your exam. *HUGS* to you

I have an awesome friend who i feel like deserves better than me. and i am kinda trying to sneak away from the friendship, there is no need in both of us suffering with my illness. I have told her things that i have never told anyone else, and i have told her things that i know most people would have told someone else, but she hasnt, she understands that I just need time and support through those times. It does help to have someone to tell when you feel really bad and are having bad thoughts. But Its not good to burden someone else, I am going to try just not communicating as much, Im going to really miss her being there for me and being a awesome friend. She is really the best thing to happen to me besides my son. gOODNESS ITS going to be hard. But I will have to try, so she can have her own life, with out my garbage.

so yes i have had a really great awesome best friend that i dont want to drag down with me.

hey immoody2010, I am so sorry that you are having it so bad right now. Listen your friend sounds so great. She is always there for you because that is what a true friend does. No, she don't deserve better than you, she loves you just like you love her, she wants to be there for you. She is holding her arms out to you so she can hold you when you need her. Yes, you may feel like you are a burden, don't we all feel that way alot of times. But she is right there beside you, she is sticking with you thru thick and then, she is ready to listen to you no matter what you need and have got to say, she won't care how long it takes she's there for you. Please take my advice, don't run or sneak away from her. Do you know how special she is. A friend like that very seldom comes around. Wouldn't you be right there for her if it was turned around and she was in your shoes? Would you leave her in her time of need? Hang on to that friendship. I don't really have any friends, but on here, pipi is a great friend to me and we have never even met. We are there for each other.Thru any and everything. Yes, we both want to meet each other, and hopefully one day we will. But I know I can count on her no matter what. I wish we did live beside each other or close to each other, but for now that can't happen. But all we have to do is get on here and send each other a message. And bamm, I bet you will find that we always get right back to each other just as soon as possible. So please do not give her friendship up, okay? Belive me, there are so many of us with garbage that it is awful, but this is what this forum is for and then you have that one special friend. Please don't do this. I don't know what all you are going thru, but my name is Martha and I will be your friend if you want me too. I will be here to listen to you and try to help you in any way that I can help you, okay? You can just throw it all out there and scream and hollar if you need to or want to. Whatever you need please let me know. Here is you a big *HUG* just for you from me. Now don't that feel better? Hang in there and don't let go of her, she is a true friend, she's very special just like you are a very special person too. I hope this help you some, and I hope you feel better real soon, okay? You take care of yourself and try to hang in there, it will get better, tomorrow is a new day. I wish you beautiful sunshine, smiles, laughter, and all good things. I hope you have a great night. *HUGS*

I have a girlfriend like that. Not here on MT. We've never met either, but "clicked" right off the bat a few years ago. It had to do with a common interest and the friendship has continued on.

hey Linda1962, it is so good to hear from you. I think that is so great for you to have a friend like that. Ain't is so wonderful? Well it don't matter how it come to be, the most important thing is that it did happen. I know it makes you happy and I am so happy for you. It is so strange for me that me and pipi have such a special friendship and I've never met her, but we are both wanting so much to meet each other, but we live so many states and so far away from each other. But hopefully we will get together, I would like to think so and I know pipi feels the same way. We have so much in common, but yet we are so different, I know that may not make sense, but I know what I'm trying to say. I hope I get to hear from you again. I wish you a very great and happy day. *HUGS* to you from me. Hey everyone needs a *HUG* even if they are having a good day.

oh my dearest Martha... so sorry that I have been away for a long time. I am so happy to read about how great your birthday was. I am soooo happy that it was special in so many ways, I knew it would be :) You are the greatest. I just read your posts to the other folks and I must say, I totally agree you are a great friend and our friendship keeps me strong. I have had a pretty hard time of it lately, lots of downs. I guess that is why I haven't gotten on the computer that much. I don't even want to get out of bed. I spend the entire weekend in my bed trying to just sleep so I don't have to think about life. I know someday I will think it is all worth it, but really right now I just feel like what the heck is the point to all this crap anyway? I don't deserve to have people love me because I don't even love myself. Heck most of the time I am such a major B I don't know why anyone would even want to talk to me. I just feel crap you know. I am doing alright in school and that seems to make me feel alright but then again, I get so angry at myself for not being perfect like I should know all of the answers. Maybe I didn't study hard enough, maybe I am just too stupid and playing this game like I know what I am talking about. It is all blah blah blah. I can tell you that I don't want to rain on your parade and bring you down because your birthday story was so wonderful, for the first time in awhile I finally got a happy smile on my face just knowing how great that day was for you. I have been having a heck of a time at work, as usual, but I just can't get my mind to focus on the fact that the more stress and anxious I get the more panic attacks, shaking, crying, screaming and down right nasty I become. I had a pretty good shake up yesterday, so bad that I had to leave the room because of that dumb a*( pedro. UHHH I can't stand him and just thinking of him makes me upset. I can't get out of the cycle, you know. I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, although I know that it is there. I know that I have just a short time left there but I want to get the H out right now. I have walked to my office countless times and wanted to take my stuff and put it in a box and just leave.
My poor husband, I don't even know how he can stand me. I bet he wishes that he never got mixed up with a mess like me. I feel so bad because I know that he must be lonely and then I feel so mad because I wonder if he is... I know that he loves me no matter what but one of these days that might end and then here I will be all alone just as I have envisioned myself to be. I guess you wish it and make it so. What is really sad and I don't like saying it out loud because it just seems horrible. so many people fight for their lives and in a lot of ways I just wish that I lost that fight when I went into the hospital in April. I just want the crayziness to STOP, how can I make it STOP... it just keep coming and coming and coming and I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT. Martha my friend, you have always been there for me, please think of me at this time so I can feel like someone really understands me and is right here with me. I have to go now.... I am just too down to keep this up and I am sure you would rather here from the happy pipi..... love you so much. THANK YOU!!!! talk to you soon

my little pipi, what am I going to do with you? I think I need to come and get you and bring you home with me so I can take care of you. How does that sound to you? Thank you so much for the special birthday wish. I am just so sorry you are having such a aweful time of it right now. Yes we do have such a special friendship and no one can take that away from us either. Don't even worry about being on here, I still have not got back into being on here yet. I think we all need a break from here every once in awhile. I'm not trying to be mean, that last mess hit me so hard, I just can't seem to have good postivive answers or words for people right now. And I know everyone understands, or I would like to think so. With you just staying in the bed, you are in a deep dark depression, you need to call your doctor about it, we don't want you to have to go back in a hospital. You think you don't need people to love you, but you know what, we are going to keep on loving you anyway, and that's the way the cookie crumbles-ha-ha. Hey we have to be big "BIT*%*S", because that's what we do best, and to keep everyone else in line. And you keep up the good work in school, you do need that so bad so you can get thru nursing school, and you will finally be out of that awful place you are working right now okay? Listen to me, no you are not perfect, no one is, and you don't have to try to be perfect, that is just way too hard and useless. Do like me, just be yourself. We can't do anymore than that. You are not stupid, you are very smart, PiPi do you know how many times you have got me thru so many bad and awful times? You are always there for me, when the people that live around me and suppose to really love me, they could care less, that is why you mean so much to me. I know it seems a long way before you get in that position you are working so hard for, but it will be here before you know it and we both know that you can and will do it. Your husband is with you and standing behind you because he loves you so much. Be very thankful that you have him. I wish I could find someone that wanted me and loved me. I am alone and I do get lonely but I just have to deal with it. Try not to think about it so much. I am so glad you didn't loose that fight in the hospital, then we wouldn't have met each other, and I think that we are very good for each other. I know how you feel, I hate this awful disease too, but all we can do is the best we can. You will be feeling better before you know it. Please make sure that you keep in close contact with your doctors when you get this bad and also take your medication, okay?? Pipi, you know I am and I will think of you at this time, I always think of you. Don't ever think that I only want to here from the happy you, I am here for you no matter if it is good or bad, I am always here for my little pipi longstocking, and always know that. You didn't bring me down about my happy time for my birthday. I hope you get to feeling better real soon. It won't be but 2 weeks til I go to Vegas so we will have something to talk about on the good side.. I love you, when you need me do not hesitate letting me know. Here is my email - cuddlebug1380@att.net I love you, I'll be waiting to here from you. *HUGS*