depersonalization?

probably one of the things i hate about anxiety is the symptom of depersonalization... i feel weird... but not entirely like depersonalization... i don't feel like i'm out of my body or anything... i just feel weird...

i feel like when i don't have anything to do, i don't know how to relax and i kind of panic... it's like it's not ok for me to not do anything... which is weird... i should be happy that i do have time to relax...

i'm trying to stay in the moment and not worry... but my brain thinks otherwise...

i just want to be my old, normal self again...

Hello 800855. Do you have racing thoughts? I have then when I'm anxious. I used to not understand what they were. I said, no, I didn't have racing thoughts, I just couldn't shut my brain off. I thought racing thoughts were lightning fast thoughts. Well, yeah, they are but they are also flitting back and forth between worrying, strokes of genius (imagined) and wanting to organize, clean, and share my genius ideas of how to cure the world's ills with the whole world. That's racing thoughts. Can't relax. Can't sleep. It's awful.

Can you describe the feeling weird? Are you feeling like you are watching your life but you're not really there? Like watching a movie or things just feel "out of sync" ? I've never had depersonalization so my heart goes out to you. Feeling weird is normal...except when it isn't normal. Hard to describe I know. But I care so let us know how things are going.

Oh, and do you have a counselor/therapist. I can't tell you how valuable it is to have a trained professional in your court.

Take care. :)

hi teri,

no racing thoughts... the meds that i'm on are pretty good about controlling racing thoughts...

unfortunately i can't explain the weird feeling other than i just feel weird... but i don't feel like i'm watching life and i'm not there or other... i just feel like i don't know what to do with myself sometimes...

i do have a therapist... 2 actually... i haven't seen them yet since i had this weird feeling... so i will mention it when i see them again...

thank you!

I will be waiting to hear what they say. I care. :)

800855,

It might not be the case w/you: when you described the felling of not knowing what to do I could totally relate because for me its a sign that I might be slipping into a bit of depression.

Along w/BP type 1, I have been dx'd w/GAD & ADHD. Depakote has helped take away racing thoughts & Vyvanse has really been helping me to have the ability to calmly focus. SO NOW that I'm less fidgety & my head is clearer & calmer; I'm not as busy w/myself & my little world - which has been a little awkward at times. Almost as if it's not OK for me to NOT have something to do because a major symptom of ADHD (for me) is constant business.

The question I ask myself is: why do i feel useless IF I am not engaged in something? I am worth having the opportunity to relax & taking it. Its pretty bad. On days when even my roommates know I have absolutely nothing to do, they say I'm the busiest person they know WHEN I should be totally relaxing during my time off.

Don't know if that helped or not...Good luck w/your appointment ~ I hope there's some resolution.

-kby-

kumbaya,

thank you for your insight! i've been in a mixed episode for such a while that i tend to forget about depression symptoms and i have suffered more from the depression side of being bipolar... something to think about and try to remember!

i have also just been put on abilify... my doctor wanted to keep my mood up, especially with the time change and the changing weather... i sure do miss the warm weather and the sun... so far, so good on abilify...

my therapist has also worked with me in creating a list that i can refer to when i start to feel weird.... so far distraction has been the best thing for me with dealing with this weird feeling... i suppose i should just accept it and stop trying to find a reason for why i feel weird... sometimes there's just not an answer for everything!

thank you again for your help!

800855,

The Abilify is interesting...maybe you have some of the symptoms I do. People CAN have the same dx yet suffer from completely different symptoms. I recently started taking a low dose of Abilify even though I also take Seroquel at night (both anti-psychotics).

I'm trying to take the least amount of meds possible!! I also HAVE to take Allopurinol for gout. I'm seeing if celery seed pills work as a substitute. Here's my little med regime (I strictly adhere to it).

yeah... abilify seems to be the best for me so far, according to my husband... i am also on a very low dose...

i used to be on like 2500mg of depakote and it worked, but it made me cognitively slow and i didn't like that feeling! i've also been on remeron and zyprexa over the years... i'm sure i'm forgetting a few in there!

i was on geodon for a short bit... that was a decent med for me as well... only thing was that it was so sedating... i'd need at least 10 hours of sleep at night! and i was on the lowest dose as well!

i'm on ativan as needed for the anxiety... no sleep meds for me though... so i'm fortunate that my sleep is decent... for now...

i like to take the least amount of meds possible too... i'm still getting the weird feeling every now and then... wish it would go away completely=o(

do you like the abilify?

Yes I do comparatively. Although I must have developed a tolerance rather quickly as I can't tell as much what its doing for me anymore. I can take up to 5mg now if i want. The Seroquel i take is not XR & I can actually take up to 300mgs BUT am required to take @ least 100mg of it.

You are so lucky you don't have a disruptive sleeping pattern. Take a look at mine the past 30 days...

Wow kumbaya, sorry about your sleep patterns. I have been there.