Upcoming major neck surgery and dealing with bipolar/blpd

I'm soooooooo stressed out... I have neck surgery scheduled for December 19th, and I am dealing with issues related to my bipolar mania and borderline personality disorder concurrently...
Due to degeneration and then a recent car accident, my neck is in need of major surgery. I found a very good doctor, that I feel confident in; however, it's still scary.
More scary is what I go through in my head with the flashbacks... my PTSD turned into BPD I guess because I am so borderline. Not to mention, I am also bipolar manic, and it's been bad lately. I've been in to see the doctor just about weekly to get my meds adjusted for the past month.
I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired (and in so much pain).
I was doing so good a couple months ago before the car accident.
Just goes to show you how fine tuned ones body can be...
I am experiencing sooooo much anxiety and hate toward my abuser,
and I don't understand quite the connection between the surgery and the flashbacks.... maybe because I feel vulnerable???
Did I just answer my own question?
any input is much appreciated
and
Happy Thanksgiving!!!

hi scooterchick

i super feel for you because i have chronic pain condition and the pain was so persistent and bad that i had to have a surgery. i trusted my dr and had pretty good confidence the surgery would really help. still, my emotions were extra all over the place and really strong during that time.

i don't believe things happen for a reason, i think some things just suck...
but i do believe that life is unpredictably good along with the bad.

and, all we can do is our best
it sounds like you are truly doing your best!

it's easy to forget to give oneself praise for all the hard work one is doing and strength one has when everything feels 'out-of-control'!!!

i also have ptsd and can feel overwhelmed and 'weak' in so many ways when in a vulnerable or triggering situation. it really helps me to remember all my strengths, that i'm doing my best and to remember i'm not living in the past but this moment.

hope you are feeling less anxious.
and sorry you are in physical pain ;(

peace ;)

I've been going through a wave of extreme anxiety (hypervigilance, sense of danger) this past week or so. Yesterday, I asked my therapist, why is this happening now? She said, this often happens when a person is ready to resolve something related to their trauma (I have PTSD). Maybe a similar thing is going on for you? Definitely it could be that the stress of your upcoming surgery is causing an increase of the PTSD symptoms, but I thought I'd mention this other possibility.

thanks for the replies :)
they were both helpful and encouraging...
somehow, posting my problems made me feel better
(especially knowing that I am not alone).

well, the countdown has begun...
less than a week before my surgery...
I have stayed as busy as possible:
organizing my home, my life, my mind...
yesterday, I used henna in my hair
and received a perfect trim by a good friend.
I have been careful to eat well and exercise moderately...
Honestly, I am in the best health of my life!

Sometimes, I have negative thoughts...
but lately, I have been replacing them with positive ones.
I am scared about the surgery (don't get me wrong),
but I am more scared of the pain and medication...
and nerve damage (as a licensed massage therapist)
down the line.

Please be encouraged!!!
Happy Holidays!!!

I'vr tried to follow the direction of my many doctors to best of my abilities, pdoc is 120 miles both ways, I only go for med refills. I belive that if you have to rely on taking meds for every every life crisis you encounter you will never have anything but be leaning a crutch, These drug reps that butt in on the appoinments that you show up to get first dibs pushing the newest meds are not pharmsists, they are sales people. I'm interested in getting better, but also worry about the degradation of my teeth, shopping for fat clothes being frustrated giving my emergency celpone and losing my home and having everone blame me because
I follwed bad advice trying to mange my finaces, while my husabnd stole out of bank account. Hid debt before he met me he spent on drugs and hi class hookers and he contacted his ex, if I had known that
I wouldn't have gotten with him in the first place, No I have my part in this no I'm stuck in aying bills that aren't mine and I can no longer mange my life. Just because people have it worse makes me feel no better. I've been through hell and i can't start my life again at almost 40 years old,
I can't borrow anymore money with no inome.. I wish I was dead. Everyone blames me and now my daughter has threatened suicide, she is now in counceling, Because I'm bipolar no one will listen. I need some consructive advice, not hate.

I was in an accident in 1999 where nthere was no other cars involved, just my bf's wreckles driving,my arm had muliple fractures I was woring as much as I could had no car od my own, no drivers license ans walked to wwork. No moral support from my family and was being emtionally abused by my bf's fa mily. He had road rage issues and because I was preganant I didn't have source of of moral suoort because i had no firends and I had a job. I almost lost my arm unable to care for my bipolar issues i was aggitated all the time he didn't have the tools to deal with my behavior. All he wanted me to was make everything easier for him like his mommy did for him. Who was making my easier? No one