Very Confused
Warning: The messages in this forum are the personal views and opinions of individuals. NEVER act on any advice or opinion posted in this forum without FIRST checking with your personal physician! Mood Tracker Web Media, LLC is not obligated to check forum postings for accuracy nor does it endorse the opinions of any person using the forum.
September 27, 2012 - 10:23 pm
I'm 20 now. I've been diagnosed with depression when I was 16. Since then, my diagnosis changed from depression over borderline personality disorder to bipolar disorder. I ended up not sure what's wrong with me or how to act about it. Every time I asked my therapist what is it, they (I had several) said something like "Oh, you're still young". I was hospitalized two times (February-June 2009, and February-May 2011) in day hospital for adolescents. Reading about borderline and bipolar, those two seem to mix inside me and go out alternately. In February 2012 I stopped taking my meds and going to sessions, as I felt those can't do anything for me anymore, thinking I was cured and just fine. Now I regret it as I'm feeling worse every day. I don't know what to think and what to do. Anyone has an advice?
I'm 20 now. I've been diagnosed with depression when I was 16. Since then, my diagnosis changed from depression over borderline personality disorder to bipolar disorder. I ended up not sure what's wrong with me or how to act about it. Every time I asked my therapist what is it, they (I had several) said something like "Oh, you're still young". I was hospitalized two times (February-June 2009, and February-May 2011) in day hospital for adolescents. Reading about borderline and bipolar, those two seem to mix inside me and go out alternately. In February 2012 I stopped taking my meds and going to sessions, as I felt those can't do anything for me anymore, thinking I was cured and just fine. Now I regret it as I'm feeling worse every day. I don't know what to think and what to do. Anyone has an advice?
October 1, 2012 - 12:42 pm
Total Posts: 1
Joined: 08-06-2012
Joined: 08-06-2012
I am 21 and I have been stuggeling with borderline personalitly disorder and depression for almost ten years now and i truely know how you feel. I went threw at least a dozen therapists and doctors before i found one that i truely like.
I have heard that " oh your still so young" bs, and trust me, it doesnt matter if your 5 or 45, mental illness makes you old.
I have quit and restarted medication thinking i didnt need it and i went without it for a few years. But i lost total control of my illness. I felt alone and like no one cared or even noticed that i was falling apart.
I know that with my illness i some days really want to be better and have a "normal" life and other days i could care less. So on the days i felt good, like i wanted help, I would try and write down my thoughts and feelings as best i could, and try to explain in words why i do the things i do, and how things made me feel. I cant say it works for everyone, but being able to get it off my chest and out of head for a while helped. Also, when my illness overwhelms me I try and close my eyes and mentaly escape to somewhere id want to be.
I truely know exactly how you feel and its so hard sometimes it seems so unfair. But I would try and find a d therapist you truely like and a medcation you are ok with being on.
I really hope this helped in even a little way. I wish you the best of luck.
I have heard that " oh your still so young" bs, and trust me, it doesnt matter if your 5 or 45, mental illness makes you old.
I have quit and restarted medication thinking i didnt need it and i went without it for a few years. But i lost total control of my illness. I felt alone and like no one cared or even noticed that i was falling apart.
I know that with my illness i some days really want to be better and have a "normal" life and other days i could care less. So on the days i felt good, like i wanted help, I would try and write down my thoughts and feelings as best i could, and try to explain in words why i do the things i do, and how things made me feel. I cant say it works for everyone, but being able to get it off my chest and out of head for a while helped. Also, when my illness overwhelms me I try and close my eyes and mentaly escape to somewhere id want to be.
I truely know exactly how you feel and its so hard sometimes it seems so unfair. But I would try and find a d therapist you truely like and a medcation you are ok with being on.
I really hope this helped in even a little way. I wish you the best of luck.
I am 21 and I have been stuggeling with borderline personalitly disorder and depression for almost ten years now and i truely know how you feel. I went threw at least a dozen therapists and doctors before i found one that i truely like.
I have heard that " oh your still so young" bs, and trust me, it doesnt matter if your 5 or 45, mental illness makes you old.
I have quit and restarted medication thinking i didnt need it and i went without it for a few years. But i lost total control of my illness. I felt alone and like no one cared or even noticed that i was falling apart.
I know that with my illness i some days really want to be better and have a "normal" life and other days i could care less. So on the days i felt good, like i wanted help, I would try and write down my thoughts and feelings as best i could, and try to explain in words why i do the things i do, and how things made me feel. I cant say it works for everyone, but being able to get it off my chest and out of head for a while helped. Also, when my illness overwhelms me I try and close my eyes and mentaly escape to somewhere id want to be.
I truely know exactly how you feel and its so hard sometimes it seems so unfair. But I would try and find a d therapist you truely like and a medcation you are ok with being on.
I really hope this helped in even a little way. I wish you the best of luck.
I have heard that " oh your still so young" bs, and trust me, it doesnt matter if your 5 or 45, mental illness makes you old.
I have quit and restarted medication thinking i didnt need it and i went without it for a few years. But i lost total control of my illness. I felt alone and like no one cared or even noticed that i was falling apart.
I know that with my illness i some days really want to be better and have a "normal" life and other days i could care less. So on the days i felt good, like i wanted help, I would try and write down my thoughts and feelings as best i could, and try to explain in words why i do the things i do, and how things made me feel. I cant say it works for everyone, but being able to get it off my chest and out of head for a while helped. Also, when my illness overwhelms me I try and close my eyes and mentaly escape to somewhere id want to be.
I truely know exactly how you feel and its so hard sometimes it seems so unfair. But I would try and find a d therapist you truely like and a medcation you are ok with being on.
I really hope this helped in even a little way. I wish you the best of luck.
October 2, 2012 - 4:04 am
Total Posts: 671
Joined: 02-09-2010
Joined: 02-09-2010
I don't know if I am so much confused anymore as I am frustrated. Recently I met my natural mother and sisters for the first time. It was the day after my 49th birthday and I have been diagnosed bipolar since I was 21, prior to that I was diagnosed as suffering from major depression.
More recently, about 3 years ago the BPD diagnosis came up and it fit. It explained alot and in some way has taken away some of the confusion. At least knowing it's a learned behaviour and not something genetic that there is a chance to relearn the proper way to respond to my emotions and to distress. The fact that you are both young is a good thing that you have the diagnosis early. They say that the early you are diagnosed that the better chance you have of changing your life around and living a more normal life.
The reason I brought up my natural family is I have only known them about a month and 2 weeks now. They know about my bipolar diagnosis and have seen a little of the BPD and I am terrified my illness's will drive them away, so in order to try to avoid this, I am going to try to get into a DBT group and some kind of group for relationships. Later today I will be joining a consumer advocate group out of the agency I attend. It will be completely run and driven by consumers of mental health services as the lead, is an employee who himself is bipolar. I'm hoping that taking these steps will help me develop healthy relationships with my mother and sisters.
I hope that you understand that I believe the ONLY option for health is to confront your mental health issues and find the services that are most suited to your current issues. Good luck, we all wish the best for each and every person on this site.
More recently, about 3 years ago the BPD diagnosis came up and it fit. It explained alot and in some way has taken away some of the confusion. At least knowing it's a learned behaviour and not something genetic that there is a chance to relearn the proper way to respond to my emotions and to distress. The fact that you are both young is a good thing that you have the diagnosis early. They say that the early you are diagnosed that the better chance you have of changing your life around and living a more normal life.
The reason I brought up my natural family is I have only known them about a month and 2 weeks now. They know about my bipolar diagnosis and have seen a little of the BPD and I am terrified my illness's will drive them away, so in order to try to avoid this, I am going to try to get into a DBT group and some kind of group for relationships. Later today I will be joining a consumer advocate group out of the agency I attend. It will be completely run and driven by consumers of mental health services as the lead, is an employee who himself is bipolar. I'm hoping that taking these steps will help me develop healthy relationships with my mother and sisters.
I hope that you understand that I believe the ONLY option for health is to confront your mental health issues and find the services that are most suited to your current issues. Good luck, we all wish the best for each and every person on this site.
I don't know if I am so much confused anymore as I am frustrated. Recently I met my natural mother and sisters for the first time. It was the day after my 49th birthday and I have been diagnosed bipolar since I was 21, prior to that I was diagnosed as suffering from major depression.
More recently, about 3 years ago the BPD diagnosis came up and it fit. It explained alot and in some way has taken away some of the confusion. At least knowing it's a learned behaviour and not something genetic that there is a chance to relearn the proper way to respond to my emotions and to distress. The fact that you are both young is a good thing that you have the diagnosis early. They say that the early you are diagnosed that the better chance you have of changing your life around and living a more normal life.
The reason I brought up my natural family is I have only known them about a month and 2 weeks now. They know about my bipolar diagnosis and have seen a little of the BPD and I am terrified my illness's will drive them away, so in order to try to avoid this, I am going to try to get into a DBT group and some kind of group for relationships. Later today I will be joining a consumer advocate group out of the agency I attend. It will be completely run and driven by consumers of mental health services as the lead, is an employee who himself is bipolar. I'm hoping that taking these steps will help me develop healthy relationships with my mother and sisters.
I hope that you understand that I believe the ONLY option for health is to confront your mental health issues and find the services that are most suited to your current issues. Good luck, we all wish the best for each and every person on this site.
More recently, about 3 years ago the BPD diagnosis came up and it fit. It explained alot and in some way has taken away some of the confusion. At least knowing it's a learned behaviour and not something genetic that there is a chance to relearn the proper way to respond to my emotions and to distress. The fact that you are both young is a good thing that you have the diagnosis early. They say that the early you are diagnosed that the better chance you have of changing your life around and living a more normal life.
The reason I brought up my natural family is I have only known them about a month and 2 weeks now. They know about my bipolar diagnosis and have seen a little of the BPD and I am terrified my illness's will drive them away, so in order to try to avoid this, I am going to try to get into a DBT group and some kind of group for relationships. Later today I will be joining a consumer advocate group out of the agency I attend. It will be completely run and driven by consumers of mental health services as the lead, is an employee who himself is bipolar. I'm hoping that taking these steps will help me develop healthy relationships with my mother and sisters.
I hope that you understand that I believe the ONLY option for health is to confront your mental health issues and find the services that are most suited to your current issues. Good luck, we all wish the best for each and every person on this site.
October 4, 2012 - 9:42 pm
Total Posts: 205
Joined: 09-27-2012
Joined: 09-27-2012
Thank you both for your replies! One must feel better knowing there are people out there who understand and can relate.
My main problem about finding a good therapist is money, since I can't afford paying them, and in public hospital I go to my therapist can see me once a month, since they don't have time. And when she sees me, she talks to me for 15 minutes max, and it's all about meds. I try to be my own therapist, I keep a diary, write a lot about my feelings, seek for answers and try to understand them, but I could sure use professional opinion, or at least opinion of people that have similar problems, which is the main reason I joined this forum.
I mostly live a "normal" life and try to control myself, but there are situations where I either go out and do all those crazy things that make me feel very bad the day after, or just sick at home and not go out for days at all. I can say those situations are happening very often lately. They always make me worry that people around me will just abandon me, and I experience huge panic attacks when I think about that.
The thing that scares me is that sometimes I feel like I just love my meds and my BPD, and they love me, and that I don't even want to get better because I don't know how I would live without it. I'm deadly scared of boredom and routine, and that's how I see "normal" life, boring. Can anyone relate to that too?
My main problem about finding a good therapist is money, since I can't afford paying them, and in public hospital I go to my therapist can see me once a month, since they don't have time. And when she sees me, she talks to me for 15 minutes max, and it's all about meds. I try to be my own therapist, I keep a diary, write a lot about my feelings, seek for answers and try to understand them, but I could sure use professional opinion, or at least opinion of people that have similar problems, which is the main reason I joined this forum.
I mostly live a "normal" life and try to control myself, but there are situations where I either go out and do all those crazy things that make me feel very bad the day after, or just sick at home and not go out for days at all. I can say those situations are happening very often lately. They always make me worry that people around me will just abandon me, and I experience huge panic attacks when I think about that.
The thing that scares me is that sometimes I feel like I just love my meds and my BPD, and they love me, and that I don't even want to get better because I don't know how I would live without it. I'm deadly scared of boredom and routine, and that's how I see "normal" life, boring. Can anyone relate to that too?
Thank you both for your replies! One must feel better knowing there are people out there who understand and can relate.
My main problem about finding a good therapist is money, since I can't afford paying them, and in public hospital I go to my therapist can see me once a month, since they don't have time. And when she sees me, she talks to me for 15 minutes max, and it's all about meds. I try to be my own therapist, I keep a diary, write a lot about my feelings, seek for answers and try to understand them, but I could sure use professional opinion, or at least opinion of people that have similar problems, which is the main reason I joined this forum.
I mostly live a "normal" life and try to control myself, but there are situations where I either go out and do all those crazy things that make me feel very bad the day after, or just sick at home and not go out for days at all. I can say those situations are happening very often lately. They always make me worry that people around me will just abandon me, and I experience huge panic attacks when I think about that.
The thing that scares me is that sometimes I feel like I just love my meds and my BPD, and they love me, and that I don't even want to get better because I don't know how I would live without it. I'm deadly scared of boredom and routine, and that's how I see "normal" life, boring. Can anyone relate to that too?
My main problem about finding a good therapist is money, since I can't afford paying them, and in public hospital I go to my therapist can see me once a month, since they don't have time. And when she sees me, she talks to me for 15 minutes max, and it's all about meds. I try to be my own therapist, I keep a diary, write a lot about my feelings, seek for answers and try to understand them, but I could sure use professional opinion, or at least opinion of people that have similar problems, which is the main reason I joined this forum.
I mostly live a "normal" life and try to control myself, but there are situations where I either go out and do all those crazy things that make me feel very bad the day after, or just sick at home and not go out for days at all. I can say those situations are happening very often lately. They always make me worry that people around me will just abandon me, and I experience huge panic attacks when I think about that.
The thing that scares me is that sometimes I feel like I just love my meds and my BPD, and they love me, and that I don't even want to get better because I don't know how I would live without it. I'm deadly scared of boredom and routine, and that's how I see "normal" life, boring. Can anyone relate to that too?
Joined: 09-27-2012