MY THERAPIST LEAVING!

I just called to set an appointment with my therapist when they told me she's not working there anymore, so they offered me to choose another therapist. No need to say I just hung up, almost smashing the poor telephone. Abandonment issues again, hooray!
This is the fourth time I should change the therapist, but I never was attached to others like to this one. I started seeing her after I almost quit my therapy because I hated the previous therapist. I've been seeing her for more than two years and she was my therapist during my second hospitalization in daily hospital.
The last time I saw her was in May, when she asked me to bring my boyfriend along to the next session, when I got scared and just skipped the session and never made a new appointment till now. Now I feel abandoned, but again guilty for abandoning her in some way. I feel like I betrayed her and I deserved this, but still I can't cope with her leaving.
There are all those questions that are killing me. My first reaction was like:
"Wait, what?! But why? She can't leave me, I'm still sick crazy, I didn't even tell her how fu*ked up I've been during last few months! What about all the sh*t that will happen in the future? Who will take care of me now? I'll hate anyone new, I could never talk to them like I talked to her! She knows everything about me, she knows about all my feelings, all that I've been passing through! That is written somewhere, yes, and the next therapist will read that, but how the fu*k can he/she relate to that and understand?! Don't leave me, I'm not ready..."
I know her life doesn't depend on me, that she may got better salary, moved to another country or whatever, and she has the right to do so. I'm aware she's the person who has all the rights to make choices that will lead to better life, and I wish her all the best, but it still hurts so much... And I'm the one who's guilty for not seeing her all this time, she didn't even have a chance to prepare me for her leaving...
And I didn't even get the chance to say a proper goodbye...

Hey!

I went through the same thing this past summer with my former therapist. Where I go, you get a new one every semester, so I'm kind of used to it. However, this one, (her name was Amanda) was different. She TOTALLY got me; we could have been sisters. I loved every second with her, and we got along so well, understood each other, and worked so, so well together. I was devastated when August came and she had to go-I cried for a week straight because I missed her so much. She left right before I was due to head back to school and start Graduate School, AND leave my abusive ex-boyfriend, *without* the support of a therapist, as one would still be in the works for me. I did it because I knew Amanda would want me to, she'd want me to be strong and to stick with the solid plans we had made all summer and follow through. Knowing that, somehow, made it a teensy more bearable to know she was with me 'in spirit' so to speak.

So, try and do the same now; remember everything she's taught you, everything she meant to you...maybe even write out some favorite memorable sessions with her, or things she said to you all the time (Amanda gave me a really amazing quote as a parting gift that I'll never get rid of). Keep some memories of her, but don't hold on-you will never get another therapist that good, and I will never get another Amanda, but it's about pressing on, not holding on. Good luck.

Thank you for your support!
I guess I'll check if she recommended some new therapist for me, gave some instructions or something like that. What I liked so much about her is that she is one strong, independent and sometimes strict person, since I really need a true leading hand. i don't want my therapist to use sweet talking with me, or be scared to tell me exactly what is wrong. She never seemed to pity me, as all the others did (at least that was my impression), she understood everything, of course, but she also used to tell me sometimes my attitude is just foolish and silly. Seems that since I don't have a strong men beside me, I need a strong therapist :D
I remember some of her quotes very well, and I'll keep reminding myself of them. I remember her telling me I'm not a weak person, relying on me sometimes when important things in daily hospital should have been done, trusting me and encouraging me to talk like a therapist to other patients, like I was more of her assistant than patient. I also can remember her being so proud of me when I was going all well, and I'll keep that smile of hers in my mind.
Also, I'll keep in mind your quote too. "It's about pressing on, not holding on." That one is amazing and so inspiring. Thank you so much!

Hey, no probs! I need a strong therapist like that as well- I am Borderline as well as Bipolar, and have a VERY intense personality, and I feel things VERY intensely and react intensely too, so I need someone who can reason with me, but also help me explore things I find out about myself. Andrea (current, now former therapist as of tonight) was great at that...unfortunately that was the 2nd time I terminated with her and I just had to keep that decision...can't flip flop. But, I DO miss her already...I really do. She helped me accept my BPD and my Bipolar (well, my Bipolar even more so) so she was great.

But definitely keep pushing forward, because holding on (and I am still learning this, particularly with my abusive ex) only hurts you and hinders you. Understanding that the past is unchangable, and your choice is to move forward to do the next battle, and it's a very good choice :) Much luck!!

PS, I should add that my signature is another god quote to keep in mind. My ex-boyfriend said that to me frequently, and it still is something I say to myself a lot of times, especially when I'm upset or freaking out about something. His Grandma said it to him, and now he passed that onto me. So, remember, everything worth having is purchased with some measure of pain. For you, that can mean that your health/furthering your mental health/learning new things, etc are purchased through pain (losing your favorite therapist). But the former is worth having :) Trust me....he doesn't lie about that kind of thing :)