new here - could use some advice
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February 21, 2013 - 9:38 am
I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 19, but only recently have started facing my disease (almost 13 years later) as I was recently on the verge of a bit of a breakdown with some very scary symptoms and acting out. I've been in therapy for almost a full year (since getting married and realizing I didn't want my issues to ruin my marriage) and just started taking Lamictal a couple of days ago (I hate having to take meds, but I have agreed to try them again to help stabilize my moods and bring me out of this depression).
In any event, the advice or insight I was hoping to gain is from anyone who might have BPD and is currently married... have you ever experienced mood cycles of a sexual nature?
I'm finding that when I'm apart from my husband, I idolize him and miss him so much, I think about making love with him and making him feel good, but then when I see him, I only want to cuddle and feel close to him, but am not comfortable having sex. I usually have to have a couple of drinks to feel comfortable enough to do it.
I plan to talk to my therapist about this tomorrow, but was just curious if anyone has experienced anything similar and might have something they could share?
I was sexually and emotionally abused when I was younger - a pretty traumatic childhood, I don't want to share exact details because I don't want to trigger anyone here, but let's just say unbelievably traumatic with the amount of neglect and abuse (my husband does know this). I've never had a problem being sexual (that's the understatement of the year) and often used sex to validate me or feel alive.... always had issues with being alone and that lead to me acting out sexually quite a bit.
Now that I'm in therapy, I'm working with DBT and meditation and am actually much more comfortable being alone, much more comfortable with myself and accepting all my mistakes and successes. I don't act out sexually anymore and honestly haven't felt the urge to in 4+ months since I started DBT and meditation. The only thing that really still bothers me is this "see saw" emotional approach I seem to have when it comes to having sex with my husband.
I think that, now that I'm married to a very stable, caring and "normal" man - I am having a hard time being sexual with someone I love so much.
Can anyone relate to this? Any advice?
Thanks!
In any event, the advice or insight I was hoping to gain is from anyone who might have BPD and is currently married... have you ever experienced mood cycles of a sexual nature?
I'm finding that when I'm apart from my husband, I idolize him and miss him so much, I think about making love with him and making him feel good, but then when I see him, I only want to cuddle and feel close to him, but am not comfortable having sex. I usually have to have a couple of drinks to feel comfortable enough to do it.
I plan to talk to my therapist about this tomorrow, but was just curious if anyone has experienced anything similar and might have something they could share?
I was sexually and emotionally abused when I was younger - a pretty traumatic childhood, I don't want to share exact details because I don't want to trigger anyone here, but let's just say unbelievably traumatic with the amount of neglect and abuse (my husband does know this). I've never had a problem being sexual (that's the understatement of the year) and often used sex to validate me or feel alive.... always had issues with being alone and that lead to me acting out sexually quite a bit.
Now that I'm in therapy, I'm working with DBT and meditation and am actually much more comfortable being alone, much more comfortable with myself and accepting all my mistakes and successes. I don't act out sexually anymore and honestly haven't felt the urge to in 4+ months since I started DBT and meditation. The only thing that really still bothers me is this "see saw" emotional approach I seem to have when it comes to having sex with my husband.
I think that, now that I'm married to a very stable, caring and "normal" man - I am having a hard time being sexual with someone I love so much.
Can anyone relate to this? Any advice?
Thanks!
Nothing endures but change.
I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 19, but only recently have started facing my disease (almost 13 years later) as I was recently on the verge of a bit of a breakdown with some very scary symptoms and acting out. I've been in therapy for almost a full year (since getting married and realizing I didn't want my issues to ruin my marriage) and just started taking Lamictal a couple of days ago (I hate having to take meds, but I have agreed to try them again to help stabilize my moods and bring me out of this depression).
In any event, the advice or insight I was hoping to gain is from anyone who might have BPD and is currently married... have you ever experienced mood cycles of a sexual nature?
I'm finding that when I'm apart from my husband, I idolize him and miss him so much, I think about making love with him and making him feel good, but then when I see him, I only want to cuddle and feel close to him, but am not comfortable having sex. I usually have to have a couple of drinks to feel comfortable enough to do it.
I plan to talk to my therapist about this tomorrow, but was just curious if anyone has experienced anything similar and might have something they could share?
I was sexually and emotionally abused when I was younger - a pretty traumatic childhood, I don't want to share exact details because I don't want to trigger anyone here, but let's just say unbelievably traumatic with the amount of neglect and abuse (my husband does know this). I've never had a problem being sexual (that's the understatement of the year) and often used sex to validate me or feel alive.... always had issues with being alone and that lead to me acting out sexually quite a bit.
Now that I'm in therapy, I'm working with DBT and meditation and am actually much more comfortable being alone, much more comfortable with myself and accepting all my mistakes and successes. I don't act out sexually anymore and honestly haven't felt the urge to in 4+ months since I started DBT and meditation. The only thing that really still bothers me is this "see saw" emotional approach I seem to have when it comes to having sex with my husband.
I think that, now that I'm married to a very stable, caring and "normal" man - I am having a hard time being sexual with someone I love so much.
Can anyone relate to this? Any advice?
Thanks!
In any event, the advice or insight I was hoping to gain is from anyone who might have BPD and is currently married... have you ever experienced mood cycles of a sexual nature?
I'm finding that when I'm apart from my husband, I idolize him and miss him so much, I think about making love with him and making him feel good, but then when I see him, I only want to cuddle and feel close to him, but am not comfortable having sex. I usually have to have a couple of drinks to feel comfortable enough to do it.
I plan to talk to my therapist about this tomorrow, but was just curious if anyone has experienced anything similar and might have something they could share?
I was sexually and emotionally abused when I was younger - a pretty traumatic childhood, I don't want to share exact details because I don't want to trigger anyone here, but let's just say unbelievably traumatic with the amount of neglect and abuse (my husband does know this). I've never had a problem being sexual (that's the understatement of the year) and often used sex to validate me or feel alive.... always had issues with being alone and that lead to me acting out sexually quite a bit.
Now that I'm in therapy, I'm working with DBT and meditation and am actually much more comfortable being alone, much more comfortable with myself and accepting all my mistakes and successes. I don't act out sexually anymore and honestly haven't felt the urge to in 4+ months since I started DBT and meditation. The only thing that really still bothers me is this "see saw" emotional approach I seem to have when it comes to having sex with my husband.
I think that, now that I'm married to a very stable, caring and "normal" man - I am having a hard time being sexual with someone I love so much.
Can anyone relate to this? Any advice?
Thanks!
Nothing endures but change.
Joined: 02-21-2013